NJGayLife.com keeps the NJ LGBT Community Connected!

Is Loving This Man Going to Work?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hi Cousin Butchie, I hope you are not offended by my question, but it's not one I can easily share with my friends or my family. At least, I don't think I can. When I was three years old, my dad died. Three years later, when I was six my mom had a ...

Beware! Back Again.... Gay Pride in February!

Posted by Cousin Butchie and Uncle RJ

Hello, Cousin Butchie, I come from a large Italian family and whenever we get together someone will ask me what "Gay Pride" is all about and what there is to be proud of. Generally it's a uncle or cousin who says something stupid like "I'm ...

An On-line Dating Story About to Go Wrong!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hey Cousin Butchie! To be totally honest, I am writing to you because I don't know where else to get a handle on my problem. So, here goes... I joined an on-line dating service more than two years ago when I was 16 y.o. Almost immediately, I ...

I Just Don't Fit In! Poor me! My Pity Party!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, Since NJ Pride happens only six days from now, I am again feeling left out of the plans of all of my gay friends. I made the mistake of asking some guys I considered close why I was being shunned by my gay buddies whom I ...

Mother's Day

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hey, Cousin Butchie, This needs a fast answer. Time is of the essence. My mother is not exactly in the running for most understanding mother of the year. I am out to her, but she is still not ready to accept the fact that I am proud to be gay and ...

Coming Out Resources

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Good evening, Cousin Butchie: I am having a very difficult time coming out. I am 17 years old and have two brothers. My one older brother is the one I figured would be the best family member to approach with the news. We went on a Circle Line NY ...

Someone to Listen and Care

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have had a very bad year. My mother died after a long battle with cancer. Prior to that my boyfriend (who I still love beyond words) broke up with me because I never had time for him. I was too busy caring for my mom and ...

Gay Holidays

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hi, Cousin Butchie! I am 21 y.o. and very comfortable and proud to be a gay young man most of the time. Around the holidays things aren't so happy and gay. I am invited to dinner with my family, but amidst all of the conversation and chatter, I ...

How Much Do I Tell my New Boyfriend?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hey Cousin Butchie, I have found a man who I am certain is going to be my husband for all time. I know he has told me he feels the same way, and we have shared a great deal about our lives and our families. In fact, our parents have all met, and ...

Dating an HIV Positive Dude

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I really have no other person to answer this question for me. I am 16 and my b/f is 19. We've dated off and on for about eighteen months. I love him, but he has just told me something which has made my world implode. In ...

Why Have You Not Commented about Donald Trump?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Yo, Cousin Butchie! My friends and I read your column. Sometimes we're good on you, and other times we find your advice to be spot on. So... What in the name of God has caused you to be silent about "President" Donald Trump, his policies, actions, ...

Should We Out the Teacher?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, School starts next week, and the three of us have been arguing about something for months, even back into our sophomore year. My two friends and I are gay, but not exactly out. Oh, we're out to each other, but no one else in ...

You Can't Be "Healed" Straight

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Yo Cousin Butchie! I am 16 y.o. and I came out to my parents six months ago. It was not a wonderful scene as we argued back and forth about my life. I was told that I was doing this to aggravate them- that I am condemned by society and most faiths- ...

Uncle RJ Invited to Answer Questions for Cousin Butchie #2

Posted by Uncle RJ

Dear Uncle RJ, What is it like to be an older gay man living in our society? I have had a good number of partners while looking for Mr. Right, and only a few have come close to what I seek, but they didn't come close enough. Are all gay couples ...

Uncle RJ Invited to Answer Questions for Cousin Butchie #1

Posted by Uncle RJ

Hello Faithful Readers, This is Cousin Butchie. Over the past few months, there have been some questions sent my way and I have felt that they could be better answered by my elderly Uncle RJ. It's not that I can't answer these questions. It's ...

Being a Good Older Brother

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, My brother and I are both gay. I'm three years older than he is, but we came out at the same time. Our parents were stunned at first. You know, they never suspected, etc. Now they are very accepting and are even marching in the ...

What is happening to our community?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Cousin Butchie! A few friends and I were discussing a problem which still exists in the gay and lesbian community. We all are beyond bothered by the way people think that the transgender people (who have come out of nowhere) are suddenly identified ...

I am soo scared!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am very scared right now, and none of my friends let me talk about it. As soon as I lead into a discussion, they tune me out. Here's what happened. My parents weren't home and I answered the door for two of Jehovah's ...

Questions from a Mom

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I don't know if it was right to search my son's emails and everything else on his computer, but I have been going crazy about his possible homosexuality. I have read more than any mother should, but I did discover your website, ...

Television Program Alert

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hello, Wonderful Readers... I am not answering your question(s) in this post. Rather, I want to remind everyone to watch Dateline on Channel 4 on Friday, March 10th from 9-11PM. The program will deal with the horrendous harm caused by people who ...

Boyfriend Problem

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I think we might know each other at school, but I'm not sure and I would rather write to you anyway. My boyfriend has been doing some strange things lately and I'm very confused by what's going on. For example, I went to ...

Feeling Very Trapped!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am at my wit's end, and I have no idea how I can solve the mess I'm in. I also have a certain degree of guilt about feeling this way. When my father passed away five years ago he made all of us (six children) promise that we ...

Not Expecting any Happy Holidays!

Posted by Uncle RJ & Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie and Uncle RJ, I hope it's okay to write to the both of you at one time. I need all of the encouragement and positivity I can get, and I assume I am not the only one. I read that this is the first time in 40 years that both ...

Tried to Come Out on Thanksgiving to a Dysfunctional Family....UGH!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am 17 years old and I tried to come out to my family on Thanksgiving at dinner. Since I've been reading your blogs that kept nagging at my psyche to come out once and for all. It would be over and, usually in time, my family ...

Our President-Elect

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I looked forward to this month's election because it was the first time I have ever been old enough to vote. My hopes and dreams were shattered when Hillary Clinton won the popular vote but lost the electoral vote to Donald ...

The Truth Can Leave You Without a Date

Posted by Uncle RJ & Cousin Butchie

Hey, Cousin Butchie! I wrote to you long ago about the best way to find a date and relationship or both. You advised me to be honest so that other guys looking for special friends would trust me once they met me. It made sense. Who wants to think ...

The Online B/F Was a Total Disappointment

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I got myself into an internet mess. I went to a dating site and found a dude who was also going to be a freshman at the same college I would be at. I'm in NJ and he was still with his parents in Oregon. He explained to me that ...

Telling Younger Brother About Safe Sex.... Should I tell him or not?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, This is a somewhat involved question, but there is no one who can be trusted in my highly dysfunctional family. I mean, I love my parents, but they are so dysfunctional they should get an award. I am 17 and openly gay. My ...

Can This Work?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have been dating a dude in my class. Everything is totally fabulous and I believe we will have a great future together. The chemistry is over the top. We both plan careers in nursing because male nurses are usually so rare. ...

Five Weeks Before School and I am Bored

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hey Cousin Butchie, It's about five weeks before prep school classes start again, and I am bored out of my mind. I've done everything on my bucket list for the summer, and now I just watch the daytime game shows and play video games. Any ...

Coming Out Is Really Complicated

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I feel very stupid and helpless right now. I thought I had a great plan for staying in the closet for as long as I needed to and then surprising everyone with the news when I jumped out of that closet. I'm psyched to come out ...

Turning Down a Troll

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hey, Cousin Butchie! Before school starts again I need to ask your advice on how to handle a dude who finds me to be his Mr. Right! All last year I knew that this weird boy in most of my classes has been flirting with me. I have been as kind as ...

Cousin Butchie Asks Uncle RJ's Opinion. WOW!

Posted by Uncle RJ

Hello, my faithful and wonderful readers. I appreciate the fact that you read my advice blog, and I ask you to indulge me this time in asking (again) for some words of wisdom from Uncle RJ. I'll ask him his opinion and see how he replies. Uncle ...

Dictates by Uncle RJ On PRIDE 2016

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Happy Pride Weekend to all of our readers. I will not hesitate to let Uncle RJ write in this space. He bribed me.. LOL. It is expected that this will be the largest NY Gay Pride Parade ever. Gone are the days when the parade started up in the ...

From a Very Worried Mom

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Cousin Butchie, I am writing to you because I know that you are around my son's age-- and because he has let me read some of your blogs. I don't know where else to turn because my son is out of the closet, but I am not! I just don't have the right ...

Orlando Massacre of OUR Brothers and Sisters

Posted by Cousin Butchie

ORLANDO MASSACRE OF OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS I asked my Uncle RJ how the murder of so many people could have happened in the United States in 2016. It is not the absolute worst murderous event to occur in the world-- ISIS has been victimizing ...

Memorial Day for Me

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hello, Cousin Butchie! Today is Memorial Day, and it's also very close to the anniversary of when my brother died from the complications of A.I.D.S. back in 1996. The new drugs didn't arrive to take effect soon enough. I am still devastated by his ...

The Bathroom Issue

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, Help!!! I am out to just about everyone at my all boys high school. I know that sounds like paradise to some guys, and I'm proud to say that I have experienced no problems or discrimination. I know that I am really lucky and ...

NOT the Best Mother's Day Ever!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, Because Mother's Day has already happened I was not going to write to you, but I think holidays will always stink unless I get some handle on the problem now in 2016. My boyfriend and I went to my mother's house for dinner on ...

Roomate Aggravation

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I honestly never thought I would write to you for advice, but this problem has me going totally crazy. I am a freshman at a local university which I will not name (but President Obama will be the graduation speaker L.O.L.). My ...

Transgender Quandry

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am writing to you because I have read your blogs in NJ Gay Life... and I don't know who else to discuss things with. I am gay, and my parents took a little time to get comfortable with this "news" but they quickly educated ...

In Love with My Teacher

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I hope you can help me with this problem because no one else even takes me seriously. I am 16 years old and attend a private school. I am absolutely and undoubtedly in love with one of my teachers. He is super handsome, ...

Horrendous TV Show

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hi Cousin Butchie! I am a Catholic priest and wish to remain anonymous. For the record, I am liberal, loving and gay. I also abhor the sex scandals and the men in the hierarchy who made it all worse by moving pedophile priests from parish to ...

Answering Their Questions

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, The question I need to ask you has really been ticking me off for weeks. I waited to ask you because I was trying to figure out how to handle it myself. So... I am asking you, and I hope you don't find my question silly or ...

Valentine's Day Card for Mother-in-law

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, Hi, how are you? I am fine. My b/f and I have been having an argument about Valentine's Day cards. I hope you can give a definitive answer. My boyfriend's mother is very loving and accepting of our commitment. On the other ...

Disabled and Need Advice

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am disabled due to M.S. I am retired and unable to work. My choices were: Move home with my parents, move into assistaed living, or stay in my home and pay someone to help me. I chose the third. After many interviews, mostly ...

Feeling Very Sad and Guilty

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I read your blog/column all the time, and it helps me sometimes to understand questions about living my life as a gay young man. Right now I need advice of a different kind, and I don't want to share this with my family or ...

Breaking Up

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have a question I need answered, but I think I know what your answer will be. Well, here goes. I've been in a relationship of sorts for the past thirteen months. My b/f is handsome and hot and plays on the basketball team. ...

To Go or Not to Go

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, My problem is probably so different and unique that you won't have an answer, but here goes.... I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We are both freshmen in college, and the relationship has been good to ...

December 25, 2015

Posted by Cousin Butchie

HAPPY DECEMBER 25, 2015 GREETINGS TO ALL OF MY READERS HERE AT NJ GAY LIFE! I AM WRITING THIS JUST BEFORE 4 P.M. ON CHRISTMAS DAY... AS WE ALL HAVE BEEN INFORMED BY THE MEDIA OR BY OUR OWN PERSPIRING BODIES, THIS IS THE HOTTEST CHRISTMAS SINCE ...

They Always Lose My Number

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I just exited the closet about eight months ago, and I'm finding that there are some aspects about gay dating which are not cool at all. My past experience was with girls and I was 14 or 15 at that time. Like, we were friends ...

B/F is a Jehovah's Witness

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I probably have the most unusual situation you have ever heard. I hope you can give me some good advice. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about six months. Usually, our dates are only on certain days because ...

Responding to Online Personal Ads

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am out of school now and I'm having a rough time finding dates or even friends using one of the free services (Craigslist) and a few others. I have answered some ads and received really stupid replies. I know that this kind ...

Pope Francis

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am dating a Catholic dude. My parents aren't delighted that I am gay, and they are actually less delighted that my main crush is Catholic. We have had some discussions about religion, and our future plan would be to adopt a ...

A Birthday Present?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, It feels strange writing to you, but I want an answer from someone who doesn't know me or my family. My brother is 15 and his birthday is coming up in two weeks. We usually exchange gag type gifts and crazy birthday cards so ...

Should I Have Told My Dad?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, Hi! I am 16 years old and I've been reading your blogs for more than a few years. That's why I want to ask you a question which is bothering me because I may have missed a great opportunity to come out to my dad. Last month, ...

My Brother is Very Depressed

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, My brother and I are both gay. I am 17 and he just came out at 15. Strangely, it surprised me. I never suspected it. Our parents have been cool about it and they actually said that it was my place to keep my brother out of ...

Interviewing Uncle RJ

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Readers, Some of you have asked questions about my Uncle RJ. In fact, one kind soul suggested that he's been answering the questions in my blog/column. I have decided to interview my Uncle RJ and ask him for brief responses to the questions ...

Victoria's Secret

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, "Horace" and I have been best friends since grade school. In the past few years, we've become even better friends. It has progressed to a consensual sexual (off and on) friendship. Horace is really the one person in this world ...

Outed by my best friend

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am writing to you but I don't know what you or anyone else can do to help. I have been in the closet during my fist two years in high school. No one really seemed to suspect, and I don't think I fit anyof the stereotypes ...

Gay Marriage Victory, but beware!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Readers, Friends and Enemies, There is little doubt in my mind that the Supreme Court Decision in favor of gay marriage is the greatest victory for the LGBT Community that has ever happened in our collective LGBT lives. It presents a powerful ...

Father's Day- OMG!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have completely forgotten that Father's Day is tomorrow. I don't think my dad will care if I send him a stupid card or not. What should I do, now that it's not too late? As for present, what can I do? I am so stressed about ...

My Boyfriend is a Slob

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have had a major real crush on this dude in my junior class. We have been to GSA dances and other events, and we talk all the time on the phone. I am very honest when I say that I had never seen the tatoos on his body or his ...

Funeral Etiquette/Feeling Stupid

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have never been to a funeral home before, so I got all nervous when I went to see my friend's mother laid out for viewing. It's a stupid custom anyway, but that's not the reason for the letter. I always have a warped sense of ...

Mom and Dad Weren't Upset When I Came Out on Sunday Night

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hi Cousin Butchie! Thanks for mentioning NJ Gay Pride. I went on Sunday and had a wonderfully fabulous time. I am 17 y.o. and it was totally unplanned but I met five dudes from my high school who will now be my BFF friends. I was attracted to one ...

Celebrating Gay Pride

Posted by Cousin Butchie

First of all, I want to wish a special greeting of pride to all my readers on NJ Gay Pride Day...June 7th. I would be in Asbury Park celebrating with you but I was asked to be best man at a friend's wedding (a heterosexual wedding, OMG) and I agreed ...

I Tested Positive for HIV... What now?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am totally freaked out and still in shock. I'll try to make this make sense. I was diagnosed HIV Positive one week ago today. My family doctor gave me the news in a rather off-handed way and said that I'm lucky because ...

Classic #3

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I hope it's okay to write to you. I am a lesbian and your column seems to have been designed just for gay men. Well, here goes...and I hope you answer me. Regina and I have been in a hot and heavy relationship for the past ...

A Classic #2

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I assume it's okay for a straight woman to write to you. I read your columns all the time, and I feel comfortable asking for your opinion. In some ways you remind me of a very good friend of mine who has just come out of the ...

A Classic #1

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, How long can a healthy, athletic, gay male who is 19 years old go without having sex? It seems that my boyfriend and I have been in a great relationship for the past two years, but we had a very nasty fight a few days ago and ...

Butchie, What Did You Do?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

I walked into my older brother's (18) room and found him with his head on the keyboard. I checked for a pulse, and I could tell he had just fallen into a deep sleep. When I got my brother in bed, I sat down to see what he was reading. OMG...he ...

Cousin Butchie's Opinions, Since You Asked!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, First of all, I want you to know that I read your blog type advice column whenever I see that it runs. You have made me laugh at times. You have also made me really think about your replies. I would like to know how you feel ...

Should I Date Online???

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am now 17 years old so that means I have been gay for 17 years. In all that time I have had a few encounters with other guys, but never a real romantic date. One of my snarky friends asked me if I hve ever had sex with my ...

I AM NOT GAY!!!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hi Cousin Butchie, I am a straight (as in heterosexual) high school junior. I belong to a Gay-Straight Alliance at my school, and some of the members introduced me to your column. I think it's cool the way you anwer questions, so I am asking one ...

Trying to Hook Up

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, All of my gay friends have guys they are crushing on, but I don't. I don't know if it's strange to have five really good guy friends and not to have had any sexual interest going on, but that's how it is. So in a fit of ...

It's Been a Terrible Weekend

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have had a miserable weekend and I have no reason why all of this crap has descended upon me. I'm so aggravated that I may take a sick day from school. On Friday, my father asked me to take out the recycling cans on ...

Blackmailed by My Father

Posted by Cousin Buthcie

Hi Cousin Butchie, I am a junior is high school. My grades are good and I have friends (gay and straight) who know I'm gay and treat me just like they treat each other. I guess I should feel lucky. The problem is that my father and I have always ...

Somber Sharing

Posted by Cousin Butchie

To my readers: Every so often your Cousin Butchie gets bummed out by something in his own life. There is a certain degree of grief which surrounds this posting, and I have learned that the best way to handle grief is to share it. Since I also ...

Should Gay Marriage Mimic Straight Marriage?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, My husband and I have been among the first couples to marry in NJ. It was a liberating experience and everyone(almost) in both our families were supportively accepting and made ours a wedding to remember. The honeymoon is now ...

A Wish So You Won't Feel Left Out

Posted by Cousin Butchie

JUST IN CASE NO ONE HAS TAKEN THE TIME OR THE LOVE TO WISH YOU A HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY, I SEND THIS WISH YOUR WAY. THE GROUNDHOG DID SEE HIS SHADOW, SO WE HAVE SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER!

My Born-Again Aunt Will Be Calling!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I'm writing to you before the horrendous snowstorm hits us here in New Jersey. I will not have school tomorrow, and I am also not feeling well.It's probably the flu.Physically feeling lousy doesn't make me look forward to what ...

My Parents Cater to My Gay Brother and Ignore Me

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I know that my gay brother reads your column and talks about it with his friends. I'm hoping you will hear me out and offer some sensible advice or consolation. I have never had a problem when my brother came out of the closet ...

Should I Tell on My Closeted Gay Brother

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, My brother and I are ten years apart in age. I am the younger brother who has come out to my family. My older brother didn't react at all when I told him I was gay fifteen years ago. In fact, he joined initially in the ...

Do I Deserve This?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving because I did not. I have been with my boyfriend for six months so he decided to ask his parents if I could join them for the holiday. They are uber-accepting parents, so it looked like the ...

National AIDS Remembrance Day

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Readers, Today we are celebrating WORLD A.I.D.S. DAY. In most respects, this has not attracted much attention in the media, and it's almost a good thing. A.I.D.S. was a "legacy" that our older LGBT were afraid that they were passing down to ...

Is This Fair? Of course it's not!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am writing to you because I am 15+ years old and need the advice of someone like you who is gay and close to my age. My parents know that I am gay, but we've never had a big discussion about it. It's kind of like the ...

Wedding Announcements

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I need your advice. I am 16 years old and in a very serious relationship. I know for sure that I will be together with my boyfriend forever. He and I were discussing a future wedding, and he told me that we shouldn't have a ...

A Jewish Mother's Concern

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, Since this is our Jewish celebration of the new year, I decided to tell you something which I am sure many other Jewish gay guys have experienced. I assume that anyway. After coming out to my kind of secular Jewish parents, I ...

I Think I'm in Big Trouble Now

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am in deep trouble, and I want to ask you how to go about making things better. I have no one else I can trust with the details of this problem. I am a gay teenager. I knew I was gay for sure when I was 12, I acted on it ...

Question About Porn

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have a question about pornography. Let me start at the beginning. A few friends of mine (and I) enjoy watching gay porn sometimes. Well, I don't know how it happened, but somebody left some of the dvds around and my mom ...

My Brother is Gay and That's OK

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am not GLBT but my brother is and I want to let him know that it's not a problem for me. I honestly sort of snooped into his computer so that he might read this. I hope it works. I do know he reads this NJGayLife.Com ...

My Heart is Broken

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hi, Cousin Butchie, I hope you can help me. I am a sophomore in high school, and last April I fell madly in love with another dude in my school. He was my first in every sense and we became inseparable. I was not uncomfortable beeing seen with him ...

My Gay Cousin's Advice

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have no real problem hooking up with another guy for a date. The problem is how the conversation goes when we're having dinner or coffee or whatever. I have noticed that most gay dudes will inevitably tell all or part of ...

The Times They Are A Changin'

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am in real predicament, and I might as well agree to let you settle it. Two dudes who have been my friends for years are taking the big step and getting married in August. I am honestly closer to Mike than I am to Jim, but ...

Uncle RJ Remembers He Has a Column/Blog Here!

Posted by Uncle RJ

Dearest Readers...About three years ago, when Bonnie was looking for a blogger, she was steered in my direction by my fabulous friend (H.L. from Westfield). The theme was generally supposed to be a blog on living on in the LGBT community once the ...

Why do they all seem to disappear?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Greetings to all of my countless readers and fans! I have taken a seemingly long hiatus from writing on this blog because I was waiting for questions and comments from readers. Now that a number of you have written to me at www.KippyNJ.com instead ...

Now He Says He is Giving Up Sex for Lent

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am Dan the Agnostic, and I wrote to you last month about my boyfriend's overly and sickeningly distressing religious beliefs and fervor. You gave a sensible and workable plan but (now, I will name him) Anthony Joseph ...

His Parents Think They Are Holier Than God

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, My boyfriend and I are both sophomores in college. We've been in a relationship since the second week of our freshman year. I am very sure that my boyfriend is a keeper, but his family is driving me nuts. His mother is a very ...

My Uncle is a Perv

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am 19 years old and very happily gay. Stereotypes are unfair, I know, but people have never had any reason to suspect that I'm gay except for two dudes I experimented with years ago, and we are still best friends with ...

Wedding Rings

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hi Cousin Butchie and Happy Solstice, This is not an urgent matter, but I hope you have an answer I can show to my friends and my older brother, Brian. Brian is in his 30's, so I am aware that I was an accident or just totally unplanned. However ...

Happy/Merry...Whatever!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am a junior in high school, and I absolutely need to save some money for college. It's for this reason that I work in a small but very busy store. I usually enjoy the job, even if the wages are close to minimum wage. We have ...

A Smile for the Season

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Just a Christmas/Holiday Smile Three little boys were discussing what they did on Christmas Eve at their homes. Angelo said that they ate the traditional seven fish dinner and went to Midnight Mass. Then, Angelo put out milk and cookies for Santa, ...

Really Confused!

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hi Cousin Butchie, I have read your column on the NJGayLife site, but I didn't dream that I would be writing to you. So, here goes. I am the alpha kind of gay dude people never suspect is gay. I've had some best friends with benefits type of ...

What's This Stuff?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I graduated from high school in May, and my first real experience dating other guys started then. I knew I was gay when I was 6, but it was hardly the age to ask another first grader for a date. I've discovered some really ...

IS A.I.D.S. STILL REALLY A PROBLEM?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hey, Cousin Butchie! I am 17 years old and proud to be gay. I have three really great gay friends who are like brothers... or sisters(lol) We were getting sort of mellow and talking about a lot of things. My one friend said that he doesn't use ...

Sounds Off the Wall

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I think I have a colossal problem. I am 19 years old, and I know I am gay, but I've never had a real boyfriend and I have no experience with intimacy. I did answer an ad from a man in his 60's who seems to understand me and ...

What Your Parents Often Don't Share With You

Posted by Cousin Butchie

I am probably older than the twinks who write to you, but I do have something to share about coming out. It's totally my own experience, but I suspect the same type of thing has happened in many homes. I'd appreciate letting your young readers know ...

Coming Out Finally

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, Let me start at the beginning, okay? I met my lover and soul mate 15 years ago when we were both in kindergarten. Don't let anyone try to tell you that it can't happen. Rip (not his real name) sat next to me for arts and ...

Do I Have to Do It?

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am very new at dating. I knew I was gay when I was 12 but I have just started to have enough confidence to date other guys. I am now 17. Things have been great most of the time. I have met several guys who started as sex ...

Just a Thought

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Just a brief message from Cousin Butchie..... My computer is not working right on this site, but I do want to share a truly beautiful thought for the day. SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES REALLY GOOD FOR NOTHING. BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR ...

He Says He Loves Me

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hi Cousin Butchie! How are you? I hope you can help me by giving your honest opinion of where my relationship is headed. I met this older guy (31) at Gay Pride in NY in 2011. It all started when we hooked up and he convinced me to come back to ...

Not Feeling So Gay

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I know that this is NY Pride Weekend, and I have some really great gay friends who want me to go with them tomorrow. I am 22 years old, and when I was 9 years old I was sexually molested by my older brother and we kind of ...

Does Size Matter...a Hard Question

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have a few questions I just can't discuss with my friends. I promise you I will be spot on describing what's bothering me so long as you remove any clues that might give away my identity. I am sixteen years old and have two ...

I Feel So Guilty

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I was going to write to you before, but I was so totally bummed out that I just couldn't get it together enough to write. I don't want to add to the problem by writing details people might recognize, so I am presenting things ...

Just Asking

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I'll make this fast and to the point. Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I have been waiting for years to come out to my mom. (I am 17). My dad desserted us both when I was eight years old. I don't want to hurt my mom, but I think ...

I'll Be Missing My Gay Friends

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, School is just about over in a month, and I will be graduating from high school and going to a college hundreds of miles away. I have made a lot of friends during my four years in high school, and I will misss most of them. The ...

Thanks from Usually Dateless

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Cousin Butchie (I don't say "Dear" because you are not dear to me any longer.) Well, my date was last night. You remember that I wrote to ask you how to get a conversation going. with a hot dude I had never met before. You gave me a lot of ...

Archbishop John Myers

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Readers, Cousin Butchie has had more than a few requests for his opinion on the conduct of Archbishop John Myers of Newark, NJ and the metropolitan (head honcho) for all of NJ. I will cut to the chase and say that his conduct in transferring ...

First Date Topics

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have another blind date on Wednesday. It was arranged for me by a girl in my physics class. She told me that he's really good looking and that she thinks we would make an ideal match. I've had so many other blind dates ...

Another Mother's Day Consideration

Posted by Cousin Butchie

My Dear Readers, In my last blog a few days ago I answered a young man whose mother had recently passed away. It centered on his bereavement and how to honor his mom's memory on special "specific anniversary" dates. Cousin Butchie thought he ...

Bereavement

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, As I understand it, many gay dudes are close to their mothers. It was true in my case because she gave me unconditional love and acceptance. To almost the same degree, my dad did also. Mom died last year, and the anniversary is ...

Despair Leads Us Nowhere

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am a sophomore in high school and I am gay. My parents know, and they just seem to deal with it, but we never have a meaningful discussion about the subject. After the Boston Massacre of yesterday, I was in the downstairs ...

Enjoy a Professional Show in CNJ for $15

Posted by Cousin Butchie

GREETINGS! I am departing from my usual blog to bring your attention to a spectacular entertainer who will be doing a fundraiser in Bridgewater on May 5th at 6 PM. The performer is Vincent Talarico and if you take a few minutes to look him up on ...

To Thine Own Self Be True

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Dear Cousin Butchie, I don't think you usually get letters like this, but here goes. I am 22 years old and suffering from a form of leukemia which is very hard to treat. After the second round of chemo, the doctors told me that I have less than ...

Another Holiday

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hey, Cousin Butchie! Happy Easter or Passover or whatever. Although my family celebrates Easter, I backed out of their invitations to dinner and the interminable discussions which always occur...fueled by alcohol. I went out real early and bought ...

Finding Mr. Right

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Hey Cousin Butchie, I am new to the gay dating game. I do know that it's dangerous for me to get involved with other gay dudes at school, but the search is so damn difficult. Like I went online and replied to ads from dudes who seemed compatible. ...

The Right to Stay Gay

Posted by Cousin Butchie

Greetings Readers! In a few days, I will respond to some questions you have passed along to me, but I want to depart a little and just give you a candid and important "take" on a practice which is psychologically and emotionally damaging GLBT young ...

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