Before the internet, and long before dating apps, there were online Bulletin Board Systems (BBS). These were text-only spaces where various interest groups gathered to chat about specific topics. Imagine a reddit where, before you could read and respond to messages, you had to make sure your roommates were off the phone, then plug in your dial-up modem and wait while your computer made a series of ungodly squealing sounds, then log in and, via a series of menus selected with numbers and a keyboard (not everyone had computer mice), accomplish your task. In my case, the “task” was to meet someone to date.

I lived in San Francisco at the time so meeting someone IRL was fairly easy. There were bars and dance clubs, as well as some less savory places that I will neither confirm nor deny ever spending time at. However, being a computer nerd from the start (I owned a TRS 80 Color Computer in college), I thought that by meeting someone online I could pretend I was living in the future.

My BBS of choice was “The Backdoor.” Since it no longer exists, the following menu is created from my not-so-great memory:

1. Check for new messages
2. Send a new message
3. Find guys looking for fun

Dating or even just hooking up online in the 80s was very different:

• Now: “6’3” top seeks bottom. We will have five minutes of foreplay where you service me then I will f*ck you for three minutes and then leave. See my headless torso and dick pics. You must be hot and respond in 30 seconds or I will move on to the next person.
• Then: “Helllo. New to computre stuff. Want too meat (hahahahaha) sometime? Message me.”

There were no photos, just messages. Even the few porn sites that existed involved choosing a photo based on its text description, then waiting 15 minutes for it to download before seeing if it was worth adding to the spank bank.

I logged in and messaged a guy who met both of my criteria--he was around my age and knew how to use a computer. We chatted online for a month or two before finally agreeing to meet at the park. I nervously rode my bike--I didn’t own a car and, after driving on Route 22 recently, I wish I didn’t own one now.

When I got there, I saw a handsome Latino with curly black hair sitting on a park bench. He was wearing dark sunglasses and didn’t smile. I was intimidated but turned on at the same time, so I rode my bike around in circles before finally getting up the nerve to talk to him.

• Me: “Are you Carlos?”
• Him: “Yes. Why were you riding around in circles?”

I shrugged. He didn’t say much. “Damn,” I thought. “Living in the future sucks.”

• Me: “Want to get something to eat?”
• Him: “Sure.”

We went to a nearby restaurant. While waiting for our food, our engaging conversation continued.

• Me: “Are you going to take off your sunglasses?”
• Him: “No.”

But then the food came and we started talking. I don’t remember what we talked about, but whatever it was we both became more relaxed. He took off his sunglasses and it was lust at first sight.

After dinner, I invited him back to my place. We talked for four hours and then I asked if I could kiss him. “Yes,” he said, and the deal was sealed. We began dating and moved in together six months later. 35 years later we’re still together and we both have much better computers.

While talking the other day I said “do you realize we’re probably one of the first couples to have met online?”

“Probably,” he responded.

“Are you going to take off your sunglasses?”

“No.”

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John and his husband Carlos moved to New Jersey from San Francisco in 2021 and are enjoying the suburban life. John can be contacted at jsr26 at msn dot com.