The holidays can be an emotionally challenging time under the best of conditions. For many LGBTQ+ people, the holidays can be especially charged, as there is a high focus on being with family and friends. While many LGBTQ+ folks are well-connected to family and friends, many are not. Due to geographic distance, lack of acceptance, and/or social disconnection, so many LGBTQ+ people find themselves experiencing high levels of stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness and/or rejection during the holiday period.

For some folks going home for the holidays, a sense of “otherness” often occurs, creating a strong sense of alienation. Families with more conservative political, religious or cultural values may find it difficult to accept the fact that their family member is LGBTQ+. People may also deal with passive or overt homophobic or transphobic sentiments and rejection by a family member, which can be very wounding. Introducing a partner during a visit back home may be fraught with uncertainty about how the new partner will be accepted and how the partner will experience the family.

Even for people who do not go home, the focus on family can be especially difficult. It can occur consciously or unconsciously and can trigger old feelings of being different, separate and/or less than. Any rejection can cause distress and be internalized into self-hatred and aggression toward oneself and/or others. For those struggling with mental health issues, including substance use, the conditions are primed for a potential relapse. Old and painful feelings can be triggered, resulting in an emotional downward spiral.

To deal with the challenges of the holidays, coping strategies are critical. First, think about how you can best take care of yourself. The decision about how to spend the holidays is yours to make, and practicing good self-care will go a long way in maximizing your mental health. Not everyone spends time with family and friends, and they can still engage in meaningful, satisfying experiences in a variety of ways. The LGBTQ+ community knows better than any community that traditions and rituals can be reinvented to best serve our needs.

Move your body, move your mind. Take time to exercise, even if that means taking a short walk every once in a while. Research has shown that exercise elevates our mood and increases the production of endorphins, the body’s feel good chemicals. And try to get outside if the weather permits.

Set boundaries and assert yourself as needed when insensitive or hurtful statements or actions occur. You have a right to not be mistreated and most certainly to be yourself. If being yourself is upsetting to others, perhaps, this is something they need to work out with individual therapy or support groups. However, try to also keep in mind that for many people, accepting different sexualities and gender identities is a process—maintaining compassion will be helpful, even when we disagree most wholeheartedly.

Finally, remember, if at all possible, connect with people who are caring, supportive and accepting. Friends, neighbors, colleagues, clergy, pets, and strangers are all wonderful sources for love, inspiration, and positivity. A five minute phone call or a five day visit could turn around your whole day, as well as someone else’s.

And remember, the holidays will pass. They always do, as you recall the Christmas trees left on the curbside and the half-priced holiday cards in the stores. Take care of yourself and do what you need to in order to be the best you can be.