Hey Everyone,

Well, some sad news on my coming out journey that I started a decade ago this year.  I have been slowly coming out in stages and the last phases was my move to N.C. and the finale was telling my Mom.  Now my family is not gay friendly although I did find out recently that I have a first cousin who recently came out which I am trying to connect with and my sister has accepted me which I can't tell you how much of a blessing she has been to me.  When I told her (actually she guessed it and sensed I was trying to get it out) I could hear the emotion in her voice as she said "I support you".  She is actually a Producer in films and tv.  However, the very final move was telling my Mom and it was worse than I expected and trust me I expected bad but not this bad.  Let me tell you what happened.

I called Jan 2nd of this year and struggled to get the words out a little and when I did at first she laughed and thought I was joking and said yeah right...Ha! Ha! Yet, that laughter disappeared real quick when she realized I was serious.  We haven't spoken since then and I don't think we will.  She said she was GREATLY DISAPPOINTED in me, It's a choice and pretty much blames me.  My Mom just turned 80yrs old so I will always do my best to be respectful but between us our relationship is over.  My Mom and I have gone through so much together as most families do.  My Dad dying from cancer at age 44, my brother's heart transplant only 2 years ago and just her aging.  I'm her oldest child and I have tried to be the very best son to her I could.  However, to tell me I'm a great disappointment is not acceptable after everything we've been through together.  

I still have to come back to New Jersey and pick up my last few things and I am going to try and make this as civil as I possibly can.  I will say though at first it was really bad because we would talk all the time.  I think it doesn't matter the age when you don't have your parents you feel lost like who can I turn to now? Who can I trust? Who can I share my deepest thoughts and secrets?  My Mom was all that to me. One of my favorite memories of us was in the late 80's when I was a teen and won tickets from a radio contest to see Diana Ross at Radio City Music Hall (that might have been a clue right there...lol) I was shy and asked her to be my plus 1 and we went, from New Jersey we took the bus in and my Mom was screaming louder than anybody.  That's how our relationship has been until now.  It's actually difficult writing this.  I have been trying to prepare my Mom for this moment because I read somewhere that coming out is not only a change for me but for the people in my life and just like I needed time to adjust they also need time.  While I'm still hopeful I'm learning to move on without her and getting better.  

Who I feel really sorry for is the very young people who's parents do this to.  Some are even thrown out of the house and homeless.  I'm older and have a degree, an apartment and a job. Many young people especially teens don't have this. It still amazes me how a parent could do this to their own child.  

Well, that's it for now. I know up until this point I always keep my posts light, easy, frothy and fun and they will be again but I just thought I needed to get this out to my new LGBTQ+ family that I have now become part of.  Stay tuned!  I promise the next blog won't be so sad:)  

Ronn