After 40 years of being married to a woman, I have a history that is an important part of who I was and who I am now. I'm at point in my evolution where this history doesn't hurt me any longer.

I've accepted that past and all the emotion that is part of it. I don't feel the sharp pain of negativity any longer. All of that past is a building block.

For 20 years I lived in that marriage while being aware (and acting on) my desires and needs. It was a time of internal unrest and conflict, while still being responsible to the marriage.

I imagine there are many gay men out there of my age that are living in that way. I imagine that many are not able to come out due to a sense of responsibility and, of course fear.

It was fear (and a measure cowardice) in my case. Those emotions prevented me from coming out and being truthful. They prevented me from living the way that I knew I should for both myself and my wife.

It is amazing the amount of clarity that is brought out and focused by time, distance, honesty and a measure of bravery.

My hope as I follow the path is to come into contact with other senior gay men and be able to share the thoughts. feelings and the many aspects of this new consciousness.