Hi Cousin Butchie,

I hope you are not offended by my question, but it's not one I can easily share with my friends or my family. At least, I don't think I can.

When I was three years old, my dad died. Three years later, when I was six my mom had a long friendship and finally married a very handsome (spelled "hot") man, and I was encouraged to call him my dad.

In the beginning, I liked this man so much that I chose to call him my dad. He took me to the theater, to baseball games, and even took the time to teach me to play cards and how to play golf. Even with school events, he went as my "step-dad."

I made the decision four years ago to tell my mom and my step-dad that I am gay. My mom took a little while to adjust, but step-dad said he understood and had no problem with it. He really didn't because he started to have very intimate conversations with me, kissed and hugged me more often...and then he started to get very intimate with me. Believe me, it was nothing I resisted, and I can never say he forced me. We have forged a relationship which is probably unique, but I wonder how the rest of the world views it. And I'm especially concerned about what my mom's reaction will be if he tells her or she figures it out.

Not that it matters, but we even wear the same size clothes which is awesome.

Please tell me what you think and/or what you would do.

Thank you,

Sonny

Dear Sonny,

I can understand the physical attraction, and I think the picture changes more than a little since he is not your natural father. He sounds like a wonderful person. BUT do you think it's fair of him to cheat on your mom with her son? What would I do? All things considered, if you and dad keep this totally secret -- right or wrong, I might do what you're doing. 

Another consideration is how your mom will be treated in this entire scenario. If you and dad bond and choose to live together or marry (in a few years) I wonder how your mom will feel? Possibly, since you spend so much time with dad, she isn't all that infatuated with her husband at this time, or she might suspect he is bisexual.

You asked what I would do, and I'm sure that others will disagree with my reply... but I wish that they send along their feelings and suggestions.

All my best,

Cousin Butchie