Good evening, Cousin Butchie:

I am having a very difficult time coming out. I am 17 years old and have two brothers. My one older brother is the one I figured would be the best family member to approach with the news. We went on a Circle Line NY cruise (just the two of us) and I was feeling butterflies about what I was about to tell him. He started talking about his girlfriend and I kind of edged into telling him that I was pretty sure I was gay.matt d He thought it was a joke, but he saw the tears in my eyes and put his arm around my shoulder and said that I was just going through a phase and that he knew I was straight. I remained silent and feeling hurt. Then my brother asked me if I wasn't turned on by Jennifer Lopez and Kelly Ripa. I answered that Matt Damon and Prince Harry were much more interesting to me.

When the cruise was over and we were driving back to NJ, my brother took me to a bar in Hoboken (where I am not allowed to drink, but he managed to get me a few beers). I was loosened up and I told him that I am not joking or imagining things-- that I have known I was gay since I was seven years old. He said he understood but that he was not able to help me tell the rest of the family. He said that people choose to be gay, etc. I asked him to be there when I tell our parents. He looked at me and said "You can wait for Skippy to jump off the peanut butter jar if you think I am going to pretend that any gay people are normal, especially you." He also added that idiotic comment about Adam and Steve.

We didn't talk much on the way back home, but he did say that he would never tell anyone about my "problem." I hasten to say that the things he told me about his girlfriend were not repeatable or very respectful.  

So, what do you suggest that I do?

GAY TEEN

Dear Gay Teen,

I am really sorry that your brother has acted like such a jerk.  At some future time he may come to his senses and realize how destructive he has been. For now, don't bring up the subject unless you think your mom or dad would react well to this revelation. You should be graduating from high school soon and you will probably be off to college or making some kind of life for yourself.  

In the meantime I suggest that you find a school counselor or teacher or a clergyman or clergywoman  to speak with freely. You can also go on You Tube and type in "It Gets Better" or "Gay Coming Out Stories." You will see that some way things will get better.  

You might also log onto: www.glbtofhunterdoncountyofnj.com.

You will find video resources and meetings which deal with situations just like yours. Hopefully, you live close enough to attend their meetings for lgbt people your age.

Let me know how it goes. I am betting it will be fabulous!