Dear Cousin Butchie,

I have had a very bad year. My mother died after a long battle with cancer. Prior to that my boyfriend (who I still love beyond words) broke up with me because I never had time for him. I was too busy caring for my mom and worrying about the future for me and for the world. Jehovah's Witnesses even came to the door and I invited them in to explain their belief that the world is going to end very soon-- something I found extremely hopeful at the time.

When I broke up with my boyfriend (really, my lover) I was not expecting to be abandoned by most of my friends. Actually, only a handful even came to my mom's funeral. The rest had felt they had to take sides and choose one of us over the other. My "Mr. Wonderful" was picked because he was always around for parties and road trips and cruising.  I was tending to mom's needs, and even now I know that I would not have been able to do anything but that. In case you were wondering, my dad was never much of a father or husband and he left us completely when mom could no longer meet all of his needs.

I'm telling you all of this because there were times I would have liked to talk with you (or with anyone who would listen) to cheer me me up or maybe encourage me. I didn't know anyone to call, and there were times when I thought about ending it all. I no longer have thoughts like that, but I do wonder if I could have spoken to anyone.when those thoughts were racing through my mind.

Thank you,

On the Rebound

Hi, On the Rebound,

I'm happy to hear that you are feeling better and seeing things more clearly. You did go through a great deal.  Had you written to me, I'm not sure if the response time would have been too helpful.

If anyone has thoughts of suicide and plans to act on these thoughts, you should call 9-1-1  where you will be taken to a hospital where your safety can be guarded and professionals can help you. 

OTHERWISE: There is a national phone line with THE TREVOR PROJECT which is staffed 24 hours a day and will talk with you for as long as you wish. It is staffed by LGBTQ volunteers and mental health professionals and  is free to everyone.  

THE TREVOR PROJECT 1-866-7386 (This is a national free number).

Finally, if you might want to talk to another gay man you can call the phone number for Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays of North Jersey at 1-908-300-4227. You will always get a recording (this is to protect the group from whack-a-do people). Say that you would like to talk to another gay person and you will receive a call back from one. This would be a place to ask questions without being judged and to share any problems you're having.

All the best,

Cousin Butchie