Uncle R.J.,

I am writing to you because I feel that your Nephew Butchie would only tend to confirm the fears I'm having. He may not mean to do it, but I don't want to take a chance asking this question from someone of a younger age who will possibly add to the problem and NOT the solution. I hope I can go ahead and not get anyone's feelings hurt or produce an hysterical reply.

Our son came out to the family when he was nine years old. It was a shock because he acted as "normally" as any other nine year old boy  He played basketball and baseball and was liked by his friends because he was a great kid who made everyone feel at ease.

Because I a mother, part of my career description includes worrying about many things, but mostly about my kids.

My husband says I'm nuts, so I'm looking for some validation from you, R.J.

We remember a television program from years back called "Will & Grace." At the time we thought it was humorous, and we enjoyed Jack as an exceptional type in the gay community. Now that it's on again, we don't laugh. We are uncomfortable and are really terrified that our son will grow up to be like Jack.

You may think I'm crazy (or whatever) but please respect how I am feeling when you answer.

Thank you,
Mrs.XXX (and husband)

Dear Mr. and Mrs. XXX,

I can understand how you are feeling. From what you write, your son doesn't have any of the stereotypical traits which make people suspect he is gay. He is, in fact, the type that no one believes when he comes out of the closet.You may think that everyone can recognize a gay boy very easily. Your surprise will come when that proves to be false.

Back to your immediate concern-- I find "Will & Grace" amusing at times, but I also know of few gay people who act like Jack-- unless they've had too much to drink and are encouraged to "camp it up." 

Mr. and Mrs. XXX...your son will grow to adulthood with no outward signs of being gay. It's only when another person becomes a friend to a gay person and a trust is established that "coming out" is usually met with acceptable, friendship and love. Smile as you see it happen!