Dear Uncle RJ,

What is it like to be an older gay man living in our society? I have had a good number of partners while looking for Mr. Right, and only a few have come close to what I seek, but they didn't come close enough.

Are all gay couples rich, well educated, dressing only in designer clothes, etc.? You get my point.

I am mostly concerned about living my last years single and lonely and unloved.

In your opinion, should I decide to settle for a fairly acceptable man who doesn't meet all of my criteria?

Older and Lonely


Dear Older and Lonely,

You have pretty much answered your own question. When we set our sights too high and expect someone else to fit that image perfectly we are setting ourselves up for disaster.

I suggested that you take a good look at yourself and consider why your standards are so high. If you've expected to fall in love with a man who meets all of your criteria, I can almost assure you that there will be something you failed to consider-- and the relationship will be over.

I have many friends who are in seemingly good relationships, but they are never perfect.  Several make me wonder how they ever hitched up at all. Why not alter some of those self-centered expectations and see if YOU have anything to offer another man.

The alternative is to live an old(er) age alone, and this is very difficult for many men. On the other hand, even in a relationship (gay,bi, straight), one partner is going to survive the other and probably have a rather lonely life after that.

When you meet someone you basically like, try using some unconditional love for his shortcomings-- and hope he will do the same with you.