Dear Cousin Butchie,

My brother and I are both gay. I'm three years older than he is, but we came out at the same time. Our parents were stunned at first. You know, they never suspected, etc. Now they are very accepting and are even marching in the NY Pride Parade with PFLAG.

The problem is my younger brother just graduated from high school and is going to a local college in the fall. For the past two plus months he has been dating a dude who doesn't have the best reputation. One of my friends told me that my brother is seeing this dude. (Although we always share a lot with each other, he chose not to tell me about the new dude).

I did a little investigating on my own, and I can tell you with certainty that this dude is a player who is totally promiscuous and irresponsible. The younger boys/men who date him find him attractive and they pay for any cost of their dates. How this dude can keep track of all of his dates is a mystery. He has, I am told, bragged about his "conquests." He also talks about PNP which means Party & Play.  

Do I tell my brother what I know... from start to finish about this dude? I love my brother and I don't want his heart broken, no do I want him to get some disease from this guy. I also want to make sure this pariah doesn't seduce him with alcohol and drugs which is the meaning of "Play."

CONCERNED

 

Hi, Concerned!

My suggestion is that you invite your brother to go with you to lunch or a drive... even go to NY and take a Circle Line Cruise. Start the conversation by telling him that you heard about the dude he's been dating. Ask about his feelings and reasons he goes with him. Then tell him the facts (only the facts) you have heard about this dude. Tell your brother that you don't want to see him hurt, and make sure you emphasize that there are plenty more good men to date.

Whether he ends the "friendship" depends on how much he believes what you tell him. He could tell you he will break it up and continue behind your back. When he's in college, even locally, you won't know as much about his social life as you now know.  

After you tell him how you feel and that you hope he will make a wise choice about this dude, tell him that IF AND WHEN THE FRIENDSHIP GOES VERY WRONG, YOU WILL BE RIGHT THERE TO HELP HIM SORT IT ALL OUT.