Dear Cousin Butchie,

Because Mother's Day has already happened I was not going to write to you, but I think holidays will always stink unless I get some handle on the problem now in 2016.

My boyfriend and I went to my mother's house for dinner on Mother's Day. My b/f insisted on this, and it didn't go well. His mom has never been accepting since when we started dating seriously last summer... I'll give her credit for making a really good Italian meal, but she almost totally ignored me. She served her husband first, the assorted relatives, then my b/f, herself, then Sparkie the dog, then me. There were some other clueless relatives at dinner and they were the only people I felt comfortable with. My b/f's mom also made a good number of remarks about how her other son and his wife were the joy of her life. In fact, she is NOT my brother's wife, but they have been living together for six years and have five kids... ages 2,3,5,6 & 7. I've noticed that they fight a lot and could be guests on Jerry Springer's show.

My b/f doesn't ignore his mother's attitude, but he doesn't get as angry as I do.

On the way back to our dorm, we stopped at my mother's house to give her a box of chocolates. My mom and dad are wonderful people. They have told me that they love me and want only good for my b/f and me.

Since Father's Day will probably create the same kind of treatment, what do you suggest we do?

NOT FEELING WELCOME


Hi, Feeling Not Welcome,

Since you guys went back to your dorm, I'm assuming that you share a dorm room. You appear to have a good relationship cooking, but you will need more smarts in handling the treatment you get from the mother of your b/f. Living together will give you time to really plan for Father's Day or any holiday.

The first thing that comes to mind is how strange it seems that your b/f's mother cooked and served a large meal on Mother's Day. She should have been taken out for brunch or dinner. In a restaurant venue, she would not have as much freedom to be obnoxious. Since money has to be a big consideration, why not consider taking the b/f's parents out to a reasonably priced restaurant on SATURDAY night... when the prices aren't pumped up. On the holiday itself, go to your parents' home. Just as with straight couples, there has to be an equal division of where holidays are spent.

You could also take the easy way out by calling the parents and telling them you have a viral infection and that your b/f has also come down with it. I think this is the type of situation which begs for a lie or two to make things easier and better for you gentlemen.

Since many college dudes do not find jobs in NJ you can solve the problem by finding employment far enough away that visits to both your parents cannot be made too often.

Oh yeah... as for Father's Day, invite both your dads to a minor league baseball game. It will be a boys night out, and the b/f's mom (and yours) are not invited. The b/f's mom can babysit for her five grandchildren-- and you can also invite your brother to the game.