Dear Cousin Butchie,

I have a question I need answered, but I think I know what your answer will be. Well, here goes.

I've been in a relationship of sorts for the past thirteen months. My b/f is handsome and hot and plays on the basketball team. He can also be a lot of fun when we're with other people. It's the alone time which bugs me totally. If we are going out for dinner, he tells me where we're going. Never has he asked where I might want to go. He always criticizes the clothing I buy. He criticized my last haircut and demands to go with me to his stylist next time. I know that all of this sounds like crap considering we're not out of high school yet, but I'm perplexed. Oh... I forgot to mention that when there is any kind of intimacy he is concerned with his pleasure and could really care less about mine. He also refers to me as "girl" and this happens in public. I must also admit that I have read some of his email messages and it appears quite clear that he's schmoozing with other guys.

What would you do?

Thrown Under


Hey, Thrown Under:

I could answer your email with the two words "dump him," but I think you expect more.

So... Dump Him and don't look back. Your b/f is apparently a very self-centered, egeomaniac who has no feeligs for you except for the physical accommodation you might be at certain times.

I am glad you tracked down his emails (whether this is ethical or not doesn't enter my mind now). You found absolute proof that he is "schmoozing" with other guys. If "schmoozing" means what I assume it to mean, consider this a primary reason to dump him.

Following our heterosexual brothers example, it's very common that they act like your b/f does. The only difference, I believe, is that they brag more about their conquests and imaginary successes.

Thrown Under, don't waste any more time with this jerk. Realize that there are other considerate and caring dudes out there, and you will meet them once you give up trying to accept the horrendous treatment from your current b/f. And you might tell him that you read his emails, and don't apologize. This should easily and quickly break up a one-sided relationship that is not going anywhere for you.