Dear  RJ,

I was going to send this question to your nephew, Butchie-- but I decided that asking an older dude (do they still call you a dude at your age?) would be better. You are older and wiser and probably have seen it all and done it all. I hope you understand my reasons...

I have been in a relationship for the past five years with Mr. Right. In the beginning, we both were sure that we were right for each other. Now, it's a different story. I want to get married, and Mr. Right is against it. We are both 22 years old and met in high school. It was love at first sight, and we both are finally earning enough money for a decent apartment, etc. Mr. Right travels on business about once a month, and I have found evidence that he is not monogamous all the time. When we were dicussing my desire to get married, he acted blind-sided and said he needed to think about it. I told him that he just didn't want to be monogamous, and I told him I knew about his monthly affairs with another dude. I also want to get married because so many of our friends have married since it became legal in NJ.

What is your advice on this problem? And please answer quickly because I am getting more aggravated day by day.

Mr. Faithful


Dear Mr. Faithful,

Thank you for bypassing my nephew to ask a question. I'm sure he will be pissed off for a while, but Butchie has reacted this way since he was 2 years old.

I think that you and Mr. Right need to sit down calmly and discuss where you want your relationship to go. I know that there are couples who marry, but it isn't monogamous. They merely agree never to bring the trick home and always to practice safe sex. If Mr. Right doesn't agree, possibly it's time to part ways.

If you arrive at an agreement which makes a marriage workable, remember that gay marriage gives you rights and tax advantages which are significant. If you have a close friend who could act as mediator, that might be a good idea. I'll volunteer if you wish.

Another important thought. Just because gay marriage has become legal doesn't mean that every couple wants or needs to rush to the altar. It's similar to when the military repealed the "Don't ask, Don't tell" rules. I personally don't know of one gay or lesbian person who has rushed to join the service based on this new ruling.

Best to both of you,

Uncle RJ