Dear Cousin Butchie,

"Horace" and I have been best friends since grade school. In the past few years, we've become even better friends. It has progressed to a consensual sexual (off and on) friendship. Horace is really the one person in this world who knows everything about me-- my feelings, my goals, my family, my disappointments, my past boyfriends/tricks. In short, I believe we have shared enough with each other to write autobiographies for each other. That was until last weekend.

Horace asked me if I wanted to go to the mall. It was a good idea because we needed to buy a birthday present for a close straight friend, Louise. On the way there, we discussed how much we could afford to spend, etc. Horace led the way through the mall and we wound up in Victoria's Secret. That was cool since we were looking for a present for Louise. BUT... After about ten minutes, Horace kept asking my opinion of intimate wear and asking how I thought HE would look in them. I had a brain-fart for a minute or two because I wasn't zeroing in on the fact hat he wasn't picking out something for Louise. Horace bought a lot of lingerie. He never consulted me about the cost. Back in the mall, I asked him how much my half of the cost of the gifts for Louise was. He told me that we hadn't bought anything for her yet. OMG! I tried to act nonchalant, but I was getting knots in my stomach.

We walked to Macy's and found some jewelry we knew Louise would love. My half of the purchase was $35.

Driving back home, I asked Horace what he was planning to do with the ladies' undies. He laughed and said I would find out. End of discussion because he started chattering about everything else.

How would you handle something like this if your boyfriend was planning to wear something like this when you were alone? I am not doing a happy dance!

Elmer

 

Dear Elmer,

I can understand what is going on with Horace. In my humble opinion, I've always considered this the same as a guy going drag. I'm sure others may disagree, but if two guys want to do this kind of acting out in private, that's their decision. But I do think that Horace should have talked to you about it. We forever say that same-sex attraction is not just based on sexual appeal, and this is true; but sexual attraction is a significant part of a relationship. Talk to Horace and tell him how you feel. Do this now, before he gets a chance to put the threads on. If this is someting Horace feels he must do, maybe you need to re-evaluate the relationship.

You may quote Cousin Butchie as saying that if he wanted a female companion he would have chosen a woman (and would more than likely be a closet heterosexual).

You need to decide if the chemistry between you and Horace can survive this new diversion. Give Horace his freedom, and maintain your own. Hopefully you will arrive at a compromise... or it may end the relationship. Be prepared for either outcome.

By the way... Happy Birthday to Louise!