Dear Cousin Butchie,

I have completely forgotten that Father's Day is tomorrow. I don't think my dad will care if I send him a stupid card or not.

What should I do, now that it's not too late? As for present, what can I do? I am so stressed about this.

Anonymous Brat
 


Dear Anonymous Brat,

It is almost 9:00PM on the night before Father's Day. Call one of your friends who can drive and beg for a speed run to one of the major pharmacies (most open until Midnight) and buy a damn card and a box of candy or something you know your faher will use. I would suggest condoms, but he needed those just a little more than nine months before you were born. Just kidding! And if you say you don't have the money-- ask your mother.

By the way, there are Father's Day cards which aren't disgustingly romantic....but try not to pick one of the ones that say "To whom it may concern" or "In case you are my father..."  Get it?