Dear Cousin Butchie,

I have had a major real crush on this dude in my junior class. We have been to GSA dances and other events, and we talk all the time on the phone. I am very honest when I say that I had never seen the tatoos on his body or his total neglect of manscaping. Let's say that we were giving our frienship time to grow. It has grown, and I still love him very much...and he says he loves me.

One recent evening, his parents were away on vacation and he invited me to come to his house. I was excited that he initaiated this move, and I was very happy things were maybe going further. I went to his house which is a beautiful home that looks like a showplace. He took me to his room, and I almost barfed when I saw all of the soda cans and litter all over the room.There was also a smelly cat litter box for Max the cat. In addition, the bed was not made and he had piles of stuff all over the room. He also was wearing a wife-beater t-shirt and I saw many tatoos all over his shoulders and chest. I also have to say that he smelled as though he hadn't taken a shower in a year. I looked close enough to see that he hadn't done any mancsaping either. Things didn't go the way I had expected that night.  I pushed for watching a dvd and going home early.

What am I going to do about this dude I love...when he is totally dressed and deodorized?

I want this guy forever, but I want some changes, and I want them now. We had plans to room together at college, but I would not be able to exist amidst the trash and refuse and garbage.

What Now?


Dear What Now,

Your letter states exactly what you need in a significant other.  Have you discussed any of this with your boyfriend?  He might be so accustomed to living in his own "man cave" in this kind of disorder that he doesn't give it a second thought.  Let him know your exact feelings.

As for the tattoos... It is a matter of taste, but Cousin Butchie doesn't find them very attractive either. Tell the boyfriend how much you love him and want your friendship to become a relationship BUT that you both need to make some compromises. I advise you to have a real heart to heart talk as soon as possible. Apparently, you can compare his room to the rest of his home...and you can start at that point. If he does't agree to some changes, don't bank on having this guy in your life for much longer. That's the way it goes, my friend!