Dear Cousin Butchie,

I assume it's okay for a straight woman to write to you. I read your columns all the time, and I feel comfortable asking for your opinion. In some ways you remind me of a very good friend of mine who has just come out of the closet to a few people. I'll admit that I had hoped that Bruce is straight. He listens to my problems and insecurities. Bruce acts like the protective older brother I've never had. Bruce is neat and compassionate and always makes time to give me advice (kind of like you... LOL). He is the ideal man, and I hope you can respond to my letter and also check to see if Bruce is really gay. Can you also tell me why many gay men are such wonderful friends to straight women?

Thank you,

Daphne

Dear Daphne,

Well, I believe that the reasons gay men and straight women can be good friends are many, but to name a few:  We do your hair, critique your clothes, listen to your problems thereby sharing your joys and crises and  your dating problems. In addition, often a very close friendship occurs when you realize that you are being treated in a fabulous manner and there is not the tension which is always present with a straight man because you know that the gay man is not trying to become your boyfriend or husband.

Another important factor which binds this kind of friendship is the fact that we share many of the same interests. In particular, we are both attracted to men who fit in the stud-muffin category. Just to name a few, there's  Matt Damon, Jimmy Fallon, Anderson Cooper, Ben Affleck, Ricky Martin for starters. In general, you also can have the confidence that Bruce will have some real interest in making sure you are happy with one of your boyfriends. It's just a unwritten bond between you and the gay friend. Remember that Bruce will tell you exactly what he thinks of the men who enter your life.... and you're safe. Cousin Butchie or Bruce might find a straight man attractive (okay, we do feel that way a lot sometimes),  but we would never want to marry one of these straight men.

I hope that answers your question, and I think you should be grateful that you have Bruce in your life.  In all honesty, he probably feels the same about you. If he's still closeted at work or with his family, he mght rely on you to accompany him at a family wedding, etc.

I don't know Bruce personally, but I will look him up in the NJ Gay Directory under new members.