Dear Cousin Butchie,

I am now 17 years old so that means I have been gay for 17 years. In all that time I have had a few encounters with other guys, but never a real romantic date. One of my snarky friends asked me if I hve ever had sex with my shoes off.  I laughed, but I hate him for making such a remark.

I am at my wit's end and I have seen dating services online. I am tempted to join one of these dating services where you have the chance to tell all about yourself and read everything about the other guy before you arrange a date.

What's your experience with this kind of dating?

Thank you,

Lonesome

Dear Lonesome,

Let me start by saying that I have no real experience with online dating. Oh, I filled out their questionnaires a few times, but I never joined. What was obvious to me immediately was the fact that a majority of the prospects were not close to N.J.  Having said that... I have friends in Ohio who met online  and are now married with an adopted baby boy. Other friends have told me horror stories. The one that stands out in my mind is the friend who "chatted" online with someone who seemed to be the ideal life partner. The friend put up his picture and so did the other member. They corresponded for a few weeks and really thought this was orchestrated by the gay matchmaker. When the date was set for dinner at a fairly expensive restaurant, my pal thought it as the beginning of a wonderful life.

THEN THEY MET. The prospective husband recognized Joey and sat down at the table where he was waiting. He recognized Joey because he had sent real pictures. Joey didn't know who the hell he was at first because he had either sent me someone else's picture or one of himself when he was 20 years younger. Joey tried to handle it right, but he was turned off by everything about his date. Joey was not especially proud of himself, but he excused himself to go to the men's room hoping there would be a window he could open and use as an escape. It didn't happen. There was a back door to the parking lot, and Joey hopped in his car and drove around for awhile after he turned his cell phone on vibrate.

So, my advice would be to be totally honest. I realize you were, but you cannot count on some men to return the courtesy. Let the other guy know that you're not expecting a Matt Damon or Channing Tatum. Tell a friend or a trusted sibling (or your parents if you have reached this level with them) where you are going. It would also be a good idea to ask them to phone you at a certain time. When you answer you can say that things are okay or you can dramatically become upset at being told that your dad was just rushed to the hospital.

There is a custom out there online of "catfishing" which is something else you need to be aware of. It's usually with somebody from another state and they seem to be hitting it off with you very well. But they are sending phony pictures and telling you outright lies about their job or school or their family....everything is fabricated. In many cases they will gain your trust and tell you a sad story and ask for money. From what I've read, there are many people out there who will send the money.

Wait!!! You are 17! I may be wrong, but I don't think you are legally old enough to use one of these online services.

Spend more time trying to connect with other dudes from your school or part-time job, whatever.

Whatever you do, be careful... and don't be so anxious to remove your shoes!