Dear Cousin Butchie,

All of my gay friends have guys they are crushing on, but I don't. I don't know if it's strange to have five really good guy friends and not to have had any sexual interest going on, but that's how it is. So in a fit of desparation, I had a really huge disappointment this week, after a few weeks of detective work. There is an office building near my house, and I spotted a car in their parking lot with a Human Rights Campaign sticker and a rainbow decal. I spent many hours staking out that building. I made notes of what time I would see th car in the morning and the time I would see an empty space in the afternoon. I thought my search for a boyfriend was going to be a sure thing. The idea that he had those decals made me sure I was going to find an "out" gay dude. I would simply wait to see him go to his car and say that I also belong to the Human Rights Campaign too. I don't, but it's only because I don't have the money to send them. Well, I waited and waited as I said. Then it happened,  I saw someone walking toward the car. I was watching from a distance but I went faster than normal. My ship had come in, I thought. I was probably twenty feet away when I could not help but notice that the owner of the car was a lesbian. I was pretty damn close when I saw this, so I told her I liked the decals and I asked if she had a brother. She was very pleasant but she wasn't going to discuss her family. I was more than disappointed...

My question might sound stupid, but I have seen other cars around the area with the bumper stickers and decals and they have all been driven by women. Why are gay men not giving the same kind of signals. It just isn't fair.

-Muggsy

Hi Muggsy,

As the eminent governor of NJ, Chris Christie, would say "I feel your pain." I can recall seeing cars with the "signals" you mention. It was a 50/50 chance the car would belong to a gay man. I think part of the problem now is that new cars don't really have bumpers. If you bump them, they crash into pieces requiring a fortune to replace them. If a dude loves his car, he often won't put a sticker or decal on it.

Women are often feel the same way, but we do see that they take a chance and use their vehicles to advertise their fvorite causes.

Now, Muggsy... Why are you stalking people in cars? Why not ask your friends to help you find a date. If they are your friends they will not hassle you. As for the fact that you've never had intimate contact with these friends, I think it's not unusual. Cousin Butchie has a number of friends he would never dream of hitting on. The friendships mirror the concept that two guys can make much better friends than lovers. 

Cheer up, Muggsy. At a time when you least expect it, Mr. Right is going to come along. You might want to speed the process along by using your given name instead of Muggsy. Honest-- I know a dude named Clarence and he never found a good date until he started calling himself JACK.