To my readers:

Every so often your Cousin Butchie gets bummed out by something in his own life. There is a certain degree of grief which surrounds this posting, and I have learned that the best way to handle grief is to share it.  Since I also think there is a lesson here for everyone, I am taking this opportunity to share with you, my ever so silent readers.

Several weeks ago, I received a voice mail message from my brother telling me that his daughter had been murdered by her boyfriend.   This occurred in Florida.   I spoke to him shortly after hearing the message.  My niece had been stabbed in the chest by her "boyfriend" in Florida. 

As is so common today, there was a long estrangement of my brother and his wife and daughter.   Later in the week, I drove my brother to see his estranged wife in order to get her permission notarized that she wanted Jessica cremated.  My brother agreed with this completely.

Many details are still sketchy, but I would like to share some random thoughts and observations I have had in the past several weeks. I have no problem if any of you wish to challenge anything I am going to share.  I consider all of you as part of my extended family.  Who else would have put up with me for the past three plus years?

1. No matter how savvy or cool you may think you are, don't get involved with cocaine or the people who use it.  When the cravings and addiction starts for these street drugs, all common sense goes out the window and lives are ruined..  My niece had a bright future ahead of her  She had been a model for Victoria's Secret and had been on the cover page  of several magazines.
   
2. Estrangement in a family may seem appropriate when it begins, but family is family-- and we should realize that no one has a  guarantee on how long the future will last.  It is very sad, in my opinion, that my brother had not seen his daughter for many years.  Revealing my reaction to all this, I also "missed the boat" with this young lady.  As for my brother, he did get to see his daughter one last time in a special cremation coffin.  He watched as the underetaker closed the lid and placed the body in the crematory to burn to ashes.  I would have opted out. (Meow-Meow).
   
3. So, what I am emphasizing is that we often need to keep close to family members who seem to have forsaken the rest of the family.  I believe that every family has a member or two whom they make a decision to shun.  (It happens to some people  who are LGBT more than most...so accepting an "olive branch" can often be the first step toward making a family whole again.
   
4. Before my brother and an A.A. buddy left for the drive to Florida, I got to see these people from A.A. reach out quickly and with sincerity. Few who have seen the friendships and love in A.A. would challenge the statement that these groups   usually operate in the way that churches and synogogues should follow.
   
5. On the lighter side (which Cousin Butchie always seems to find)... My brother and I went to Wendy's for lunch the day after he returned to NJ.  Very casually, he said that the car was freeezing cold and he asked me to take the blanket from the floor  near the back seat and put it over Jessica because she must be cold.  Dark humor..yes, but we both laughed at my surprise that he came home with her ashes.

Very often, people who mean well say things which are well-intentioned but  are idiotic when we think about them later.  Others have already walked the walk of experiencing another's violent death...and their words resonate for a long time because they are so completely loving and ring true with your situation at that very moment and long after.

One Roman Catholic priest whom I love and respect without question told me of a situation in his own life and answered a question I had not asked, but it was running around in my thoughts.   When some violent and senseless things happen we may be surprised when we look to God for comfort and we see that it makes God cry.

When we are confronted with the enormity of a murder or other horrendous action in our lives, we can keep recalling that God shares our pain and hopes we realize that our friend or loved one is in peace and away from all danger and harm.  If we wish to pray, it is TO THEM and NOT for them.

Cousin Butchie has learned another lesson about some undertakers, but I will save that for  for another day.  It's far too miserable to ponder it here and now.

Thanks for "listening" and thank you for letting me be you listener when you are faced with a crisis or problem of your own.