Dear Cousin Butchie,

My husband and I have been among the first couples to marry in NJ. It was a liberating experience and everyone(almost) in both our families were supportively accepting and made ours a wedding to remember.

The honeymoon is now over and my husband was discussing the possibility of mutually agreeing to hook up with other men without causing a collapse of our marriage. I'm not talking about threesomes, but each of us having the right to have one night stands with another man.

My husband says that we should do this because we don't need to mimic the way heterosexual couples live out their marriages. He also pointed out the fact that about 50% of their marriages end in divorce-- so following their lead isn't a proven recipe for success.

Butchie, I feel threatened by this entire idea. Even if you disagree with me, I would appreciate your opinion.

Thanks,

Mark

Hi Mark!

This is not the first time I have heard this question asked. I fully realize that I am going to aggravate somone with my answer, but that will happen no matter how I respond.

My primary feeling is that no couple enters a marriage relationship without making definite vows and promises to each other. If a dude cares enough for another dude to enter a marriage commitment with him, I believe it is a sacred trust. The notion that we are copying how heterosexuals do things is almost amusing. We have crusaded for many, many years to have the right to marry and the legal benefits entailed.

If the two of you decided prior to the marriage that it would be an open affair, I guess I would feel more comfortable with it, but this is also a case of following the heterosexual example. The Kardashians and the late Elizabeth Taylor certainly have made a statement about the sanctity of marriage! If your husband insists on playing around you need to either accept or reject that conduct. If you love him enough to allow it, God bless you! You will forever be buying condoms and worrying about safe sex. I also believe you will have some resentment, and the marriage will not be the same. I  think that the trust will have left your relationship. Even if he tells you he will be monogamous, you have no reason to believe him.

I invite readers to please write in on this subject. We all have different beliefs and opinions, and I welcome anyone who wishes to give Mark(and me) the benefit of theirs.