Dear Cousin Butchie,

I'm writing to you before the horrendous snowstorm hits us here in New Jersey. I will not have school tomorrow, and I am also not feeling well.It's probably the flu.Physically feeling lousy doesn't make me look forward to what I know is going to happen tomorrow. I have an aunt who is a "born again" someting or other and she is absolutely, totally, 100% out to save the world-- especially me, her gay nephew. Whenever she is able to get me alone, she gives me a ration of shit about my choice to be gay, my forthcoming eternal damnation.... you get the idea. My parents have been fully accepting of me as their gay son, but they don't run any interference when they know that my aunt is around and may attack. Mom says that my aunt will change her prejudice as she continues to see what a good person I am. Dad doesn't like my aunt at all, and they haven't spoken in years.

I know that my aunt will phone tomorrow. She will have nothing better to do, so she will call on my cell phone and grasp the chance to "save" me again. I can't think of a way to handle her. Should I hang up on her?

Thanks,
Luther

Dear Luther,

I can understand what you are dealing with, and I am surprised that your accepting parents don't tell your aunt to put a lid on it and stop bugging you. Since they are useless in this situaton, I suggest that you answer her call and exchange pleasantries if that's how she usually begins. Once she starts to attack your sexual orientation DO NOT HANG UP.  Instead, merely put the phone under your pillow or in the hamper and walk away. She will stop fairly soon. You don't need to be her victim or the person she feels a special obligation to "save". 

Whenever it's convenient, talk to your parents about your aunt. Even if you've told them before, tell them again. You have no obligation to be your aunt's victim.

It's a few weeks before Valentine's Day...why not buy a very sweet and thoughtful card for your aunt. Get one of the cards that will make her read that she is the most wonderful person on earth. She may become totally confused by this gesture. What you're trying to do is make her speechless and this might accomplish that-- thanks to Hallmark.