Hi Cousin Butchie,

I have read your column on the NJGayLife site, but I didn't dream that I would be writing to you. So, here goes.

I am the alpha kind of gay dude people never suspect is gay. I've had some best friends with benefits type of arrangements before, but I am only 17 and never wanted to feel chained down by a husband, even if I liked him more than a little.

Now, a new dude has transferred to my school. He's a jock and so am I. In fact, we share adjacent lockers for the home games at school. I've talked to him a lot, and he's very friendly. I just don't get a reaction from him if I mention girls at the school and things like that. My "gaydar" goes wild about this guy. My best friend (a straight girl) says I should just ask him if he wants to hook up...or if he wants to go for coffee. I want him so bad that I'll try anything, but this seems too direct for me to try.

In the meantime, I see so much of him (if you get my drift) before and after sports events, I would step on ground glass to get a date with him.

Infatuated

Hi Infatuated!

I understand the way you feel. In one way or another, everyone goes through something like this, so don't feel strange. However you need to be careful just in case your "gaydar" and instincts are wrong. Asking him if he wants to hook up is so wrong. Even if he is gay, he may not want everyone to know it since he's new in school, etc. Asking him out for coffee might work, but it's a code phrase with many people. So...find out what movie he might want to see. If he's new, ask him if he wants to go to NYC.  There are many things to see in NY, and you'll have plenty of chance to get a better sense of each other's views, attractions, etc. Conversation on a long bus or train ride could do the trick.