Hi Cousin Butchie!

How are you?  I hope you can help me by giving your honest opinion of where my relationship is headed.

I met this older guy (31) at Gay Pride in NY in 2011. It all started when we hooked up and he convinced me to come back to his NY apartment so we could relax after an exciting but exhausting day, The apartment was gorgeous and had an awesome view of the Statue of Liberty and the NJ skyline. We kind of agreed that we were such a match that getting intimate-- very intimate-- would be the right thing to do. I was 15 at the time and I never really had found a lover yet. Lover Boy (not his real name) was very patient and I enjoyed the experience a whole lot.

Lover Boy and I began seeing each other two or three times a week. One night when we were five months into our relationship the jig was up. , I was getting comfortable and drinking a few Tanqueray Gimlets while Lover Boy was in the shower. Then the phone rang and I was stunned by the message from HIS WIFE. She asked why he didn't phone her if he wasn't coming home for dinner.  She then was telling Lover Boy not to forget to be home tomorrow in time for their SON's Little League game. She then said she hired a babysitter for their DAUGHTER. She finished by asking him to phone back and let her know how late he was working that night. I never let on that I heard the wife's message. I was more than a little plastered from the gimlets and as soon as Lover Boy came out of the shower we hopped into bed. There was no way I wanted to ruin my time with him. Lover Boy is a wealthy professional who was more than great in the bedroom--also in the kitchen and living room, but that's not the issue.

One day I was talking to a few of my gay friends. We never actually talked about being gay. When I told them about Lover Boy all of us were relieved to stop the games. They are all about my age, and one was bragging about his wild and crazy sexual hookups. Then they asked me if we had safe sex and I explained that Lover Boy is allergic to latex condoms. These newly "out" gay friends really annoyed me. They said to drop Lover Boy because he was using me because of my age. They said lots more, and I didn't talk to any of them for a week. I want Lover Boy in my life forever. When I told him that I knew about the wife and kids, he stuttered a little and then he told me that he would get a divorce when the kids were a little older AND that the two of us would have a charmed life together. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love him. I know he's telling the truth and that we will probably marry once he divorces his wife.  Am I wrong for wanting this kind of future?

The Boy

Dear Boy,

Feelings are feelings, and there is no right or wrong.... however there are big issues between you and Lover Boy and his family. Reality demands that you really consider your friends' opinions.  And since you wrote to me, I will give you the answer you need right now.

Boy, break up with Lover Boy immediately. The probability that Lover Boy will divorce and marry you is a crock! I'm willing to bet that when you get a little older (maybe 25) he will find another young teenage boy to meet his needs. There will still be the same issues, but a new trick will not.

ALSO.... Lover Boy is undoubtedly having sex with you and his wife and probably an indefinite number of males he can encounter in a bookstore or men's restroom. 

MORE IMPORTANTLY... GO FOR AN HIV TEST IMMEDIATELY.   You may have lucked out and Lover Boy was carrying no nasty diseases. If not, you need to find out right now.  If you test positive, you will be taking effective meds and dealing with HIV all your life.  In most cases, effective management by an HIV specialist needs to be started soon.  And if this is the case, you might have an obligation morally to tell his wife.

I am concerned about you because you were hooked up with a Daddy who gave an underage you alcohol, physically satisfying years of sex and the risk of a lifetime of managing HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases.

You deserve better treatment.  It may not happen right away, but you will meet and date hot guys close to your age, and one of them will be Mr. Right for you.

You need to tell Lover Boy that the secrets are out and those secrets have made you reconsider your "relationship" with him. 

WALK AWAY, BOY AND NEVER LOOK BACK.