Dear Cousin Butchie,

I have a problem with my son, and he actually told me to get another opinion--YOURS!

My 16 year old son is gay. He made that decision when he was 13, and my husband and I are now fully accepting of his lifestyle. I mean, we both would have preferred that he date girls and get married and have children, but we're manging well now. 

What we're dealing with now is the fact that I was cleaning his room and found some dvd's under his bed.  I put one on and almost had a heart attack right then and there! These were young men engaging in sex and kissing and making quite a commotion. Accepting my son doesn't include allowing and accepting such pornography in my home.  His father didn't share any of my shock and concern. And when I confronted our son with the evidence he told me to stop "snooping" in his room! It is a parent's duty to make sure that a child doesn't succumb to evil like this.

What is your opinion of this entire situation?

MOM

Dear Mom,

There are so many issues in your letter that I was wondering if one of my friends had sent it as a prank.  I know they didn't.

Let's get the main points covered first.  Your son didn't make a decision to be gay.  He made a decision to tell you, and he did it at a relatively young age and should be applauded to that.  Your son also has a life and not a "lifestyle"  any more than you and your husband have heterosexual "lifestyles."  Something makes me want to suggest that you go for a little family therapy because your letter doesn't reflect the acceptance you claim.  And I will not say that it's your fault.  When a child of any age comes out, there are issues for the parents to work through.  You honestly must know what I'm referring to.

Now for my view of the dvd issue.  You were not expected to watch a dvd you found under his bed, but you did.  Some of these are realistic and others are not.  Your son should have the privacy to watch these dvd's because they go along with the safest possible sex in the world. You get my drift?  I believe your husband had a different view of the situation because he would probably not have given it a second thought if you had a heterosexual son and found similar dvd's. 

At 16, your son is probably not immediately inclined to find a boyfriend, but he is a sexual being and he has raging hormones.  I suggest that you drop this "issue" and give the kid a break.