Dear Cousin Butchie,

My heart is broken and I need advice from you.  My friends don't seem to care at all.

I fell in love with the dude I loved in my junior year of high school.  We made a commitment to each other, and he now tells me that he needs "some space."  When I asked what he meant, he said that (after two years) it's over!  He tried to soften it by saying we would always be friends and that "exes" always stay friends.

I have never met anyone as wonderful as he started out to be, and I cry a lot about this situation.  I don't know what my next move will be.  These friends who have lots of experiences but no dude to call a lover or an ex  think I am being dramatic and a general pain in the ass.  Can you help me, PLEASE?

Thanks,

Very Upset

Dear Very Upset,

First off, I offer you my sympathy and compassion for how betrayed you are feeling now.  Your friends have not had similar situations, so they really can't understand.  From what you wrote, they have not had permanent partners, and they still dwell in the "let's do it now and maybe another time, but just as pals" adolescent phase of development. 

Cousin Butchie can relate to what you write and how you feel.  I would venture to say that I know no one who doesn't carry around the burden of having had an "ex" and thinking the world caved him when they lost him.  We have very high hopes that true relationships will put the "boyfriend mobile" at a stop as gay marriage becomes universally legal, but that's not a sure thing for everyone.

I would advise you to start dating again.  There is always someone out there for everyone.  When you date, under no circumstances talk about your "ex."  It's an affront to the other dude, and it keeps you in the miserable situation of comparing them.  It's a good idea to meet new friends at the local gay community center.  Also, you may find Mr. Right where you didn't expect him to be at all.  Jobs, theater groups, hobby groups, even church groups (in some denominations) can surprise you.  Most importantly, be open to the flirting or direct hit from a dude you might not consider your first choice.  Go slowly in the beginning....and of course, be safe!

I wish you luck and I know you will be thanking me for this advice sometime in the near future.

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