Dear Cousin Butchie,

Last weekend, I attended my first Gay Pride Festival in Asbury Park.  I was with my good friend Christopher.  Actually, he is more than just a good friend.  We have sex about twice a week, and he is HOT,  So last weekend we went to Asbury Park, and the whole experience (until it rained) was one of pride and appreciating how many of US there are right in this state.  I'll admit that we were pretty horny by the time it rained, and we decided to rent a motel room on the way home.  I called my sister and told her to tell my parents that Chris and I had car trouble and wouldn't have it repaired until Monday.  I asked her to tell my parents.

On Monday, my sister and I had a long talk.  She and I have always been close.  She asked me if Chris and I had picked up some girls, and I told her that I trusted her enough to tell her that Chris and I are  more than best friends and that we spent a lot of Sunday in bed together, trying new positions and just having a fabulous time.  She then asked exactly what we did with each other.  My sister, who is living with her boyfriend, began to rag on me about being a faggot and doing unnatural things.  She said that she loves me because I am her brother, but she thinks I should find a girlfriend and stop being a "pervert."  She also said it's a choice.

I won't say that I wasn't upset.  I trusted her because she has told me plenty about herself and the boyfriend.  By the way, her boyfriend is a model type of dude, and I've often wondered why he was with my sister.  Like she told me that he has four orgasms within two hours.  When I told Chris, he said we need to work on beating that record. LOL  

What do I tell my sister in the future?  Chris and I are probably going to get much more serious and will be roommates at college. I feel hurt by her right now, but I know I need to have a plan in place. I honestly don't know if our kind of sex is wrong and immoral and perverted. I'm 20 and should know better.

Andrew in Awe

Dear Andrew,

I don't blame you for being in awe.  The first pride celebration any gay person attends usually leaves a lasting impression.  I remember one in NY and I was watching the Heritage of Pride Parade at about 35th Street.  Justing looking up Fifth Avenue and then down Fifth Avenue was the most astounding part of my life until that point.  The mere realization that there are so many LGBT people brought tears to my eyes.

You trusted your sister and she is wrong.  Maybe she and her live-in boyfriend will develop some understanding of the diversity of sexuality which is all normal if both individuals agree they want to do it, no one is physically hurt, etc.  The only possible unnatural act is one that is forced upon someone who clearly doesn't consent to it.  Forcing any type of sex on a younger person is, of course, not right.

Cousin Butchie can only imagaine the things you told your sister.  If she brings up this subject again, and there's a pretty good chance she will, look her in the eye and ask her how the oral sex is going between her and her boyfriend.

You didn't mention your parents, so for the record--  When you feel the time is right, tell them you have romantic feelings for other dudes (hopefully still Christopher) and that you are telling them because you want them to fully understand who you are as a person.  If possible, it would be easier if you lived with Christopher and/or had a roommate.

Andrew, above all else, make sure you are feeling very good about your sexuality when you come out.  You will want to emphasize that you feel normal and fully human as God has created you.  Also tell your parents about PFLAG where they can get help from other parents.

One of the things you tell your sister is to mind her own business.  I imagine that she shared more than a few experiences with you and that she hasn't a lways acted like a virgin ready to take a vow of chastity.

FOR THE RECORD:  You are free and welcome to ask Cousin Butchie questions here at www.NJGayLife.com  AND you are also invited to contact Cousin Butchie at another email address.  When you send questions to www.KippyNJ@aol.com you will be answered....and you make the decision whether the question and answer go on the public page.  It's a safe space you can count on.