Dear Cousin Butchie,

Roscoe and I have been in a hot and heavy long term monogamous (I think) relationship for the past two months.  It is definitely serious. The only problem is Roscoe's mother who doesn't treat me well.

When we go to dinner every night at Roscoe's parents' home, his mother always, and I mean always serves Roscoe's father first, then hersself, then Roscoe, then the dog Ralphie.  Whatever is left after they have all been served, she slops on my plate.

I have tried everything to make Roscoe's mother like me more.  I even sent her a Mother's Day card that inferred she is life a mother to me (big lie). She will not respomd to my kindness.  I've heard her moaning that I have taken Roscoe away from her.  He is the youngest of nine children since birth control was unheard of in his family.

What can I do to make Roscoe's mother like me more?  He father never says a word-- he just eats and downs a gallon of red wine.
Pasquale

Dear Pasquale,

I suspect that the radical way to make Roscoe's mother like you more is to completely stop showing up for dinner every night.

You might also make some progress if you make the effort to invite your in-laws to dinner at your place.  It might be lacking in the ambience of their own home, but they might realize that you don't consider them just a daily meal ticket.

Come to think of it, most in-laws are not met by their kids' partners for long into the relationship.  Do the other eight children appear for dinner the way you guys do? 

Also, Pasquale... have you brought your bambino to meet your parents yet?  Just wondering.