ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS!

We all know that most heterosexual people can be dense at times.  They might appear to be very accepting of us, but their questions often grate on my nerves.  Sometimes it is best to ignore the question or comment, but at other times, a response really does one's GLBT heart good.  The key is to respond in such a way that they actually laugh at themselves.

FOR EXAMPLE:

Are you sure you are gay?
     Not really.  I just make up stories like this when I'm bored.

 How did he get HIV?
     The latest thinking is that one is at highest risk by drinking out of toilet bowls.

Did you ever want to enter a really macho profession, like being a cop, fireman or construction worker?
      Yeah, but most of these professions have filled their GLBT quotas with lesbians.

You know, some of my best friends are gay.
      Really? Name fifty of them!

How do you think it would be possible to make some of our gay clergy come out of the closet?
      Refusing to date them might do the trick.

(at the hotel)   You guys want two twin beds, right?
      No, it's just for the two of us.

Well, who is the husband and who is the wife in your relationship?
     Oh, I am the husband-- and he is the husband.

When did you first realize you were gay?
     I am told that in the delivery room when the doctor slapped my ass, I kissed him.  I cannot verify this.

Aren't you afraid of violence?  I mean, I could beat you up if you annoyed me.
     And I could bitch slap you like you've never been bitch slapped before, you Neanderthal.

Be honest-- Have you ever had sex with a woman?
    You be honest-- Have you ever had sex with another man?

When you were a kid, did you have any celebrity heroes?
     Yes, Judy Garland and Wally from "Leave It To Beaver."

Aren't gay men secretly attracted to all men?
     To some fantasy extent, physically yes, at times.  In your case, the question gets a double negative.  By the way, are you
     attracted to many gay men?  I ask because your girlfriend tried to hit on me, showing that she has really good taste SOMETIMES. Why
     not ask her the same type of question!

What kind of sex do you people have?
     Essentially, the same type of sex that straight people do, but word is that we are much better at it.

You know, I'm not sure I would want a gay man teaching my son's fifth grade class. You know, wrong role models and all.
     Rest easy!  I was taught by nuns for many years, and I have never wanted to be a nun.