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December 25, 2015

HAPPY DECEMBER 25, 2015 GREETINGS TO ALL OF MY READERS HERE AT NJ GAY LIFE! I AM WRITING THIS JUST BEFORE 4 P.M. ON CHRISTMAS DAY... AS WE ALL HAVE BEEN INFORMED BY THE MEDIA OR BY OUR OWN PERSPIRING BODIES, THIS IS THE HOTTEST CHRISTMAS SINCE ...

They Always Lose My Number

Dear Cousin Butchie, I just exited the closet about eight months ago, and I'm finding that there are some aspects about gay dating which are not cool at all. My past experience was with girls and I was 14 or 15 at that time. Like, we were friends ...

B/F is a Jehovah's Witness

Dear Cousin Butchie, I probably have the most unusual situation you have ever heard. I hope you can give me some good advice. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about six months. Usually, our dates are only on certain days because ...

After Five Years He Doesn't Want to Get Married!

Posted by RJ Comments (0)
Dear RJ, I was going to send this question to your nephew, Butchie-- but I decided that asking an older dude (do they still call you a dude at your age?) would be better. You are older and wiser and probably have seen it all and done it all. I ...

How many anniversaries are enough?

This morning, Facebook reminded me that on this day two years ago I posted the picture on the left with the caption: At Metuchen Boro Hall this morning, applying for our Marriage license. Our good friend Laura was our witness. On November 10th, the ...

My Parents Made Me Gay

My parents made me gay. I’m certain of it. As I look back on my life with them, I discover several clues that expose their blame. I’m ok with it. It’s just nice, finally, to be able to figure out exactly why I turned out this way. ...

Responding to Online Personal Ads

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am out of school now and I'm having a rough time finding dates or even friends using one of the free services (Craigslist) and a few others. I have answered some ads and received really stupid replies. I know that this kind ...

Selfless September - Part Three

I won’t declare Selfless September a failure. It wasn’t. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I did accomplish one thing, and it has had an impact on my overall health and wellbeing. I have stopped calling other drivers ...

Thoughts about the Pope's visit

We received this note and picture from one of NJGayLife.com's long-time visitors, Gary Wyssling. Thanks for sending this, Gary! I had the privilege of seeing the Pope in Central Park. I will admit that I am a frustrated Catholic and feel the church ...

Pope Francis

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am dating a Catholic dude. My parents aren't delighted that I am gay, and they are actually less delighted that my main crush is Catholic. We have had some discussions about religion, and our future plan would be to adopt a ...

Selfless September - Part Two

This is going to be a lot more difficult than I thought. I’m trying to act less selfishly for the month of September. It’s almost half way over and I’m not getting very far. When I drive I have stopped saying out loud nasty names ...

A Birthday Present?

Dear Cousin Butchie, It feels strange writing to you, but I want an answer from someone who doesn't know me or my family. My brother is 15 and his birthday is coming up in two weeks. We usually exchange gag type gifts and crazy birthday cards so ...

Selfless September - Part One

I’m going to take a month to explore something I’ll call “selflessness.” I’m not quite sure what that means. I mean, I still want to have a self. I don’t want to pretend that I’m not here. That’s not ...

Should I Have Told My Dad?

Dear Cousin Butchie, Hi! I am 16 years old and I've been reading your blogs for more than a few years. That's why I want to ask you a question which is bothering me because I may have missed a great opportunity to come out to my dad. Last month, ...

My Brother is Very Depressed

Dear Cousin Butchie, My brother and I are both gay. I am 17 and he just came out at 15. Strangely, it surprised me. I never suspected it. Our parents have been cool about it and they actually said that it was my place to keep my brother out of ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Asbury Park - Vintage Subs

This photo is of Nick, Joel, and Pedro serving up Vintage Subs. I’m going to spend a lot of time here trying to convince myself that I went to Vintage Subs in Asbury Park today to eat lunch. Yes, that’s why I went there. To eat a sub. ...

Interviewing Uncle RJ

Dear Readers, Some of you have asked questions about my Uncle RJ. In fact, one kind soul suggested that he's been answering the questions in my blog/column. I have decided to interview my Uncle RJ and ask him for brief responses to the questions ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Asbury Park - Twisted Tree Cafe

I love a new experience, especially when eating out. I love trying new foods, new ways of cooking favorite foods, interesting combinations of familiar foods, and different ways to use spices and herbs to flavor foods. I also love familiar things. I ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Scotland - The Ghillie Dhu, Edinburgh

On the last night of this leg of the tour, the 18 people in the group I'm traveling with had a dinner arranged by the tour company at a local pub. Local, I guess, as in the same city. It was at least a half hour walk from the hotel. But shockingly ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Scotland-The Outsider Restaurant, Edinburgh

Sometimes it just happens. Every once in a great while there is a rare combination of chance, good luck, surprise, and delight. Tonight was one of those nights. We got to Edinburgh at dinner hour with the evening free. The same four of us from the ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Ireland-Keshk Café Restaurant-Dublin

I get enough to eat. Really, I do. I’m not one to starve. Right now I'm in Dublin traveling with a group of 75 Americans. There just happen to be two other vegetarians in the group. It’s great. I don't feel so alone. Last night the whole ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Ireland-The Fig Tree Cafe, Kilkenny

I'm traveling with a group through Ireland. I worried before we left that there would be little choice for a vegetarian. I imagined eating potatoes for twelve days. I could always drown my sorrows in Guinness, right? Well, I've been here for five ...

Victoria's Secret

Dear Cousin Butchie, "Horace" and I have been best friends since grade school. In the past few years, we've become even better friends. It has progressed to a consensual sexual (off and on) friendship. Horace is really the one person in this world ...

Outed by my best friend

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am writing to you but I don't know what you or anyone else can do to help. I have been in the closet during my fist two years in high school. No one really seemed to suspect, and I don't think I fit anyof the stereotypes ...

Gay Marriage Victory, but beware!

Dear Readers, Friends and Enemies, There is little doubt in my mind that the Supreme Court Decision in favor of gay marriage is the greatest victory for the LGBT Community that has ever happened in our collective LGBT lives. It presents a powerful ...

Father's Day- OMG!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have completely forgotten that Father's Day is tomorrow. I don't think my dad will care if I send him a stupid card or not. What should I do, now that it's not too late? As for present, what can I do? I am so stressed about ...

My Boyfriend is a Slob

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have had a major real crush on this dude in my junior class. We have been to GSA dances and other events, and we talk all the time on the phone. I am very honest when I say that I had never seen the tatoos on his body or his ...

Funeral Etiquette/Feeling Stupid

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have never been to a funeral home before, so I got all nervous when I went to see my friend's mother laid out for viewing. It's a stupid custom anyway, but that's not the reason for the letter. I always have a warped sense of ...

Mom and Dad Weren't Upset When I Came Out on Sunday Night

Hi Cousin Butchie! Thanks for mentioning NJ Gay Pride. I went on Sunday and had a wonderfully fabulous time. I am 17 y.o. and it was totally unplanned but I met five dudes from my high school who will now be my BFF friends. I was attracted to one ...

Celebrating Gay Pride

First of all, I want to wish a special greeting of pride to all my readers on NJ Gay Pride Day...June 7th. I would be in Asbury Park celebrating with you but I was asked to be best man at a friend's wedding (a heterosexual wedding, OMG) and I agreed ...

I Tested Positive for HIV... What now?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am totally freaked out and still in shock. I'll try to make this make sense. I was diagnosed HIV Positive one week ago today. My family doctor gave me the news in a rather off-handed way and said that I'm lucky because ...

Classic #3

Dear Cousin Butchie, I hope it's okay to write to you. I am a lesbian and your column seems to have been designed just for gay men. Well, here goes...and I hope you answer me. Regina and I have been in a hot and heavy relationship for the past ...

A Classic #2

Dear Cousin Butchie, I assume it's okay for a straight woman to write to you. I read your columns all the time, and I feel comfortable asking for your opinion. In some ways you remind me of a very good friend of mine who has just come out of the ...

A Classic #1

Dear Cousin Butchie, How long can a healthy, athletic, gay male who is 19 years old go without having sex? It seems that my boyfriend and I have been in a great relationship for the past two years, but we had a very nasty fight a few days ago and ...

Butchie, What Did You Do?

I walked into my older brother's (18) room and found him with his head on the keyboard. I checked for a pulse, and I could tell he had just fallen into a deep sleep. When I got my brother in bed, I sat down to see what he was reading. OMG...he ...

Cousin Butchie's Opinions, Since You Asked!

Dear Cousin Butchie, First of all, I want you to know that I read your blog type advice column whenever I see that it runs. You have made me laugh at times. You have also made me really think about your replies. I would like to know how you feel ...

Should I Date Online???

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am now 17 years old so that means I have been gay for 17 years. In all that time I have had a few encounters with other guys, but never a real romantic date. One of my snarky friends asked me if I hve ever had sex with my ...

I AM NOT GAY!!!

Hi Cousin Butchie, I am a straight (as in heterosexual) high school junior. I belong to a Gay-Straight Alliance at my school, and some of the members introduced me to your column. I think it's cool the way you anwer questions, so I am asking one ...

Trying to Hook Up

Dear Cousin Butchie, All of my gay friends have guys they are crushing on, but I don't. I don't know if it's strange to have five really good guy friends and not to have had any sexual interest going on, but that's how it is. So in a fit of ...

It's Been a Terrible Weekend

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have had a miserable weekend and I have no reason why all of this crap has descended upon me. I'm so aggravated that I may take a sick day from school. On Friday, my father asked me to take out the recycling cans on ...

Blackmailed by My Father

Hi Cousin Butchie, I am a junior is high school. My grades are good and I have friends (gay and straight) who know I'm gay and treat me just like they treat each other. I guess I should feel lucky. The problem is that my father and I have always ...

Somber Sharing

To my readers: Every so often your Cousin Butchie gets bummed out by something in his own life. There is a certain degree of grief which surrounds this posting, and I have learned that the best way to handle grief is to share it. Since I also ...

Yoga and Sex

Time for a change of pace. I know what you must be thinking after you read the title of this post. Two muscled bodies glistening with sweat, in an animated, intimate dance, each one out doing the other in feats of flexibility and agility. So let ...

What Good is a Beard?

Back over the summer I took a look at my goatee and decided it was time to let it get a bit of length. The problem with that area of my beard is that most of the white is there. But I thought it was time to accept it as a normal part of my aging and ...

Should Gay Marriage Mimic Straight Marriage?

Dear Cousin Butchie, My husband and I have been among the first couples to marry in NJ. It was a liberating experience and everyone(almost) in both our families were supportively accepting and made ours a wedding to remember. The honeymoon is now ...

A Wish So You Won't Feel Left Out

JUST IN CASE NO ONE HAS TAKEN THE TIME OR THE LOVE TO WISH YOU A HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY, I SEND THIS WISH YOUR WAY. THE GROUNDHOG DID SEE HIS SHADOW, SO WE HAVE SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER!

Paralyzed By Fear - A Gun to the Head

I've never had anyone hold a gun to my head. I don't profess to know exactly what that feeling is like. I can only imagine that moment of terror when you realize that someone, in a split second, could pull the trigger and end your life. You probably ...

Paralyzed By Fear-Loss

Is it death we fear? Is it the unknown? I won't profess to know what happens when we die. I can’t say for sure whether our consciousness lives on, or whether the body lives on as well. I don’t know if death is the end. I do know that ...

My Born-Again Aunt Will Be Calling!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I'm writing to you before the horrendous snowstorm hits us here in New Jersey. I will not have school tomorrow, and I am also not feeling well.It's probably the flu.Physically feeling lousy doesn't make me look forward to what ...

Yoga on a Helipad-Part Two

On the second day of the cruise, my suite mate Brian and I went to the Friends of Dorothy meeting in the Champagne Bar. This is a way that gay men used to advertise meetings on cruises in the days when we didn't want the straight people to know we ...

Yoga on a Beach

Today we took a very interesting taxi ride to Magans Bay Beach. It's a very beautiful beach, but it seemed like every ship passenger from the four cruise ships in port today were crammed on a narrow segment of beach. Screaming kids. Fighting ...

My Parents Cater to My Gay Brother and Ignore Me

Dear Cousin Butchie, I know that my gay brother reads your column and talks about it with his friends. I'm hoping you will hear me out and offer some sensible advice or consolation. I have never had a problem when my brother came out of the closet ...