Our Blogs

Wedding Rings

Hi Cousin Butchie and Happy Solstice, This is not an urgent matter, but I hope you have an answer I can show to my friends and my older brother, Brian. Brian is in his 30's, so I am aware that I was an accident or just totally unplanned. However ...

Happy/Merry...Whatever!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am a junior in high school, and I absolutely need to save some money for college. It's for this reason that I work in a small but very busy store. I usually enjoy the job, even if the wages are close to minimum wage. We have ...

What to Expect from a Yoga Class

I think half the fun of doing something new is the anticipation in not knowing quite what is going to happen. Perhaps not everyone shares in that kind of fun. If not knowing what to expect is keeping you from attending your first yoga class, here ...

Why Meditate?

If you ask ten people what meditation is, you’ll probably get ten different answers. And if you ask those ten people if they meditate, most will probably say that they fail at it. Most will say that they just can’t quiet the mind in ...

A Smile for the Season

Just a Christmas/Holiday Smile Three little boys were discussing what they did on Christmas Eve at their homes. Angelo said that they ate the traditional seven fish dinner and went to Midnight Mass. Then, Angelo put out milk and cookies for Santa, ...

The Hairy Vegetarian - What Does a Vegetarian Eat for Breakfast?

When people find out that I’m a vegetarian many immediately ask me what I eat. So many friends, strangers even, are very worried about my intake of protein. Others are worried about my vitamin quotas. A few have expressed concern that I will ...

Really Confused!

Hi Cousin Butchie, I have read your column on the NJGayLife site, but I didn't dream that I would be writing to you. So, here goes. I am the alpha kind of gay dude people never suspect is gay. I've had some best friends with benefits type of ...

Breath in the Face of Complaint

Do you hate complainers? Or even worse, whiners? There’s a yoga pose called Utkatasana, often translated as Awkward Pose, or Fierce Pose, or even Hazardous Pose. Good name. I used to hate it. It’s a complaining pose. It nags about ...

What's This Stuff?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I graduated from high school in May, and my first real experience dating other guys started then. I knew I was gay when I was 6, but it was hardly the age to ask another first grader for a date. I've discovered some really ...

Thinking of Opting Out? Take a Note from Same-Sex Parents

Summer of 2013, The New York Times released a piece by Judith Warner in its Sunday Magazine, entitled “The Opt-Out Generation Wants Back In,” returning to the women interviewed in Lisa Belkin’s 2003 Times article “The Opt-Out ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 7 - Yoga at the Computer

Sitting at the computer. For how many of us is this a thing of pain, or at least discomfort? For some of us it is the cause of a lot of back and neck pain, tendonitis in the wrists, or maybe even Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. What does yoga teach us ...

The Hairy Vegetarian - Why Am I Vegetarian?

I get asked that question all the time. Also, "So what do you eat?" I often answer it by asking, "Why do you eat animals?" I then usually listen patiently to a litany of reasons why humans should eat meat, which often includes that we are designed ...

IS A.I.D.S. STILL REALLY A PROBLEM?

Hey, Cousin Butchie! I am 17 years old and proud to be gay. I have three really great gay friends who are like brothers... or sisters(lol) We were getting sort of mellow and talking about a lot of things. My one friend said that he doesn't use ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 6 - Yoga in Line

I hate standing in line. I don’t know many people who like standing in line. But it appears that many people are much more patient than I am while standing in line. Often while standing in lines at the bank or at the grocery store I pull out ...

Sounds Off the Wall

Dear Cousin Butchie, I think I have a colossal problem. I am 19 years old, and I know I am gay, but I've never had a real boyfriend and I have no experience with intimacy. I did answer an ad from a man in his 60's who seems to understand me and ...

What Your Parents Often Don't Share With You

I am probably older than the twinks who write to you, but I do have something to share about coming out. It's totally my own experience, but I suspect the same type of thing has happened in many homes. I'd appreciate letting your young readers know ...

Yoga and the Belly

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 5 – The Belly It’s there. We know it. We try to hide it. Sometimes we just let it hang out. No matter how much weight we lose it’s still there hanging out beyond the belt buckle. And the sides. Yes. The ...

Coming Out Finally

Dear Cousin Butchie, Let me start at the beginning, okay? I met my lover and soul mate 15 years ago when we were both in kindergarten. Don't let anyone try to tell you that it can't happen. Rip (not his real name) sat next to me for arts and ...

Do I Have to Do It?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am very new at dating. I knew I was gay when I was 12 but I have just started to have enough confidence to date other guys. I am now 17. Things have been great most of the time. I have met several guys who started as sex ...

Just a Thought

Just a brief message from Cousin Butchie..... My computer is not working right on this site, but I do want to share a truly beautiful thought for the day. SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES REALLY GOOD FOR NOTHING. BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR ...

The End of DOMA

Can you explain the Supreme Court’s ruling in United States v. Windsor? United States v. Windsor was filed by Edith (“Edie”)Windsor. Edie was in a relationship of forty years with Thea Spyer. Thea and Edie were married in Toronto ...

The Continual High School: My Experiences with Bullying

Last night on the PATCO train, when exiting the ticket machine, a young guy I had never met before motioned his wrist limply and lisped at me. A group of girls stood around him drunkenly laughing, and my own friends were already far ahead of me ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 4 - Excuses

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 4 – Excuses We all do it. We make excuses. I try to rationalize doing it by convincing myself that it is part of being human. The more I study and practice yoga, the more I realize I need to stop. I need to just tell ...

He Says He Loves Me

Hi Cousin Butchie! How are you? I hope you can help me by giving your honest opinion of where my relationship is headed. I met this older guy (31) at Gay Pride in NY in 2011. It all started when we hooked up and he convinced me to come back to ...

Not Feeling So Gay

Dear Cousin Butchie, I know that this is NY Pride Weekend, and I have some really great gay friends who want me to go with them tomorrow. I am 22 years old, and when I was 9 years old I was sexually molested by my older brother and we kind of ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 3 - Driving

I’m a fairly patient person. I can get angry just like most people, but my threshold for bursting with emotion is pretty high. Usually. Except when I drive. Yes, it’s all of the other drivers’ fault, and the signs’ fault, ...

Does Size Matter...a Hard Question

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have a few questions I just can't discuss with my friends. I promise you I will be spot on describing what's bothering me so long as you remove any clues that might give away my identity. I am sixteen years old and have two ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 2 - Daily Practice

Daily? You mean I have to do this every day? When I first started practicing yoga, it was a good week if I went to the class at the gym once. That class was about 50 minutes. I also lifted weights, so it wasn’t like that hour or so class was ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 1 - Morning

I like to get up early, before anyone else, while the streets are still quiet and the streetlights are just about to go out. I creep down the steps so as not to wake the dogs (impossible) and not to wake my husband (wouldn’t happen anyway). I ...

I Feel So Guilty

Dear Cousin Butchie, I was going to write to you before, but I was so totally bummed out that I just couldn't get it together enough to write. I don't want to add to the problem by writing details people might recognize, so I am presenting things ...

Parenting A Child That Is Different

What does it mean to parent a child who is 'different?' Well, one thing we know through research is that these kids can be protected from the negative effects of a close-minded world through the efforts of the people who raise them. There have been ...

Beyond Gym Yoga

I started doing yoga at the gym. I’m not sure I would have ever gotten into yoga had it not been for the gym and my friend who convinced me to attend class there. It got me started. I can’t say I really began to understand yoga because ...

Just Asking

Dear Cousin Butchie, I'll make this fast and to the point. Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I have been waiting for years to come out to my mom. (I am 17). My dad desserted us both when I was eight years old. I don't want to hurt my mom, but I think ...

I'll Be Missing My Gay Friends

Dear Cousin Butchie, School is just about over in a month, and I will be graduating from high school and going to a college hundreds of miles away. I have made a lot of friends during my four years in high school, and I will misss most of them. The ...

Is The Queer Community "Recruiting" Kids?

The Gallup organization recently released some interesting survey findings. They questioned 120,000 people, asking: ‘Do you, personally, identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender?’ Never before have this many Americans ...

Thanks from Usually Dateless

Cousin Butchie (I don't say "Dear" because you are not dear to me any longer.) Well, my date was last night. You remember that I wrote to ask you how to get a conversation going. with a hot dude I had never met before. You gave me a lot of ...

Archbishop John Myers

Dear Readers, Cousin Butchie has had more than a few requests for his opinion on the conduct of Archbishop John Myers of Newark, NJ and the metropolitan (head honcho) for all of NJ. I will cut to the chase and say that his conduct in transferring ...

First Date Topics

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have another blind date on Wednesday. It was arranged for me by a girl in my physics class. She told me that he's really good looking and that she thinks we would make an ideal match. I've had so many other blind dates ...

Another Mother's Day Consideration

My Dear Readers, In my last blog a few days ago I answered a young man whose mother had recently passed away. It centered on his bereavement and how to honor his mom's memory on special "specific anniversary" dates. Cousin Butchie thought he ...

Bereavement

Dear Cousin Butchie, As I understand it, many gay dudes are close to their mothers. It was true in my case because she gave me unconditional love and acceptance. To almost the same degree, my dad did also. Mom died last year, and the anniversary is ...

What is GSD: Going Beyond Our Current Queer Acronym

In the beginning of 2013, the Pink Therapy group in the UK made headlines by saying ‘GSD’ – Gender and Sexual Diversities – should be the new umbrella term for a community that seems to add letters even while they're ...

Despair Leads Us Nowhere

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am a sophomore in high school and I am gay. My parents know, and they just seem to deal with it, but we never have a meaningful discussion about the subject. After the Boston Massacre of yesterday, I was in the downstairs ...

Enjoy a Professional Show in CNJ for $15

GREETINGS! I am departing from my usual blog to bring your attention to a spectacular entertainer who will be doing a fundraiser in Bridgewater on May 5th at 6 PM. The performer is Vincent Talarico and if you take a few minutes to look him up on ...

Lessons Learned From Queer Couples

At this point, John Gottman’s research from a few years ago comparing gay and straight couples is pretty well known. Gottman, a well- respected psychologist and researcher, conducted a study of gay relationships, basically showing that (most) ...

To Thine Own Self Be True

Dear Cousin Butchie, I don't think you usually get letters like this, but here goes. I am 22 years old and suffering from a form of leukemia which is very hard to treat. After the second round of chemo, the doctors told me that I have less than ...

The Growth Of Trans Visibility

Lots of folks are puzzled and surprised by what appears to be a sudden explosion of people who identify as transgender, genderqueer, gender fluid, or something else that is not traditionally ‘male’ or ‘female.’ Even for LGB ...

Another Holiday

Hey, Cousin Butchie! Happy Easter or Passover or whatever. Although my family celebrates Easter, I backed out of their invitations to dinner and the interminable discussions which always occur...fueled by alcohol. I went out real early and bought ...

Finding Mr. Right

Hey Cousin Butchie, I am new to the gay dating game. I do know that it's dangerous for me to get involved with other gay dudes at school, but the search is so damn difficult. Like I went online and replied to ads from dudes who seemed compatible. ...

What You Need To Know About Transgender And Gender Non-Conforming Youth

At the Institute for Personal Growth, a counseling and psychotherapy firm where I am a practicing therapist and Executive Director, we offer supportive counseling groups for gender variant and transgender youth, as well as their families. There is ...

The Right to Stay Gay

Greetings Readers! In a few days, I will respond to some questions you have passed along to me, but I want to depart a little and just give you a candid and important "take" on a practice which is psychologically and emotionally damaging GLBT young ...

The Infamous ‘Gay Agenda’: Recruiting the Young

Years ago, when teachers were fired if they were suspected of being gay, the argument was that LGBTQ teachers would "recruit" young people to their way of life. I thought of that when I read a special report put out by the Gallup organization on a ...

Why?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have a problem with my son, and he actually told me to get another opinion--YOURS! My 16 year old son is gay. He made that decision when he was 13, and my husband and I are now fully accepting of his lifestyle. I mean, we ...

Death brings out the best and worst of some people.

I am starting to believe that as a community, a family, a country…whatever, we have failed to address one of the most basic facts of our existence and that is that at some point we will die and those around us will die too. People need to ...

Is My Ego Trying to Kill Me?

Is my ego trying to kill me? Sometimes I think I’m my own worst enemy. A long time ago I was digging out a stump in my back yard. My back started to hurt. I kept digging. I’m a man after all. We do things like dig up stumps no matter what warning ...

For my mother, Ann Mary, may you finally rest in peace

 It started out as many New Year's Eve's do, with celebration.