I Just Don't Fit In! Poor me! My Pity Party!
Dear Cousin Butchie,
Since NJ Pride happens only six days from now, I am again feeling left out of the plans of all of my gay friends. I made the mistake of asking some guys I considered close why I was being shunned by my gay buddies whom I thought liked me. I am 16 years old, and it's ironic that I have so many straight girlfriends who include me in so much of their lives. I mean we often lust over the same dudes and we share what we know, but a lot of it is either conjecture or fantasy.
Getting to the point-- I am not what might be called a hunk nor am I a troll. I do have a few extra pounds I need to shed and I am short so I feel shortchanged in the looks department. In addition, a dermatologist has been trying to eradicate my acne for over two years. I feel awkward and no sports interest me in the sense of playing. Looking at the athletes is interesting, but I know I'm not going to date one...not even for a coffee date.
Please say something to encourage me. I know I'm gay, but I don't have what attracts other gay dudes.
Dear Gay Bro (I refuse to call you "Uggle"!! ) When you refer to yourself this way, you become what you think and project. I am not much older than you are, but I have seen guys become couples (same with women) and scratched my head and asked myself what they see in each other. BTW... I've also seen it with heterosexual couples. The answer apparently is that two people have met and somehow "clicked" in a deeper and more pure way than others who have been gorgeous and seem like dreams. Many times, they declare their relationship and it dies probably because their "love" is centered only on sex and when their curiosity was satisfied one or the other moves on. Generally, he will start by saying "It's not you, it's me." Happens more often than many of us realize.
I suggest that you go to an understanding family doctor and tell him your story. He will probably help you shed a few pounds and also help you clear the acne. If you cannot trust a local doctor. Check back with me online. There are several hospitals which have a specific day when only LGBTQ patients are seen.
I hope you will understand this sharing of mine. I have a friend who doesn't measure up to most of the gay standards we have set up. In fact, people think he's just an unkempt straight man. He is the most caring gay man i know. He is friends with gay couples and guys who are also unattached. He tells me that he has no doubt that the god who made him gay also gave him a few repulsive qualities. Truth be told, that is how all of us are or have felt at some past time.
Don't try to change in monumental ways, but begin to look in the mirror and see someone you love. If you don't have some affection for the guy in the mirror you have to start seeing yourself in a loving way.
Also... You have many friends who are females-- and I' sure that one or two (or more) of them would help you coordinate clothes and comb your hair, etc. It is something I know you would not refuse to do for them. Give them a chance to help you because they love you... and how you have been there for them.
They will be anxious to go to your gay wedding as the friend they created to really clean up well!