Questions from a Mom
Dear Cousin Butchie,
I don't know if it was right to search my son's emails and everything else on his computer, but I have been going crazy about his possible homosexuality. I have read more than any mother should, but I did discover your website, and I hope it is okay for me to ask some questions.
My son is 17 years old and I know he is gay. He didn't tell me, but the emails and my observations about his demeanor and the friends he brings to the house have confirmed my suspicions. I hate to add this, but one of the emails was a love letter-- the kind a boy writes to a girl. Can you help me?
Yes, I can give you some advice and a resource which will definitely help you.
My first inclination was to express some outrage at your cyber-spying on your son. However it's already been done, so let's go on from there.
Your son is gay and he would probably like to come out to you and his father if he believed that you would be understanding and supportive. This is the basic reason that many LGBT people don't come out.
My advice in your situation is NOT as important as the support you need from other parents. There is a very experienced and dedicated group of parents and others who meet once a month to discuss their journeys with their LGBT children. It is PARENTS, FAMILIES & FRIENDS OF LESBIANS AND GAYS OF NORTH JERSEY. Your closest meeting is held on the second Thursday of each month at Christ Episcopal Church at 74 Park Avenue in Glen Ridge. You enter at the rear door. Time is 7:30-9 PM.
At these meetings you will have the opportunity to listen to the experiences of other parents and you can either ask questions or just listen. It is also a good idea to exchange phone numbers with a member with whom you feel there is a connection. You may also call the Helpline at 908-300-4227. Randy will give you as much time you need. All you need to do is leave your name and number with a brief message. All of the calls go to voice mail to avoid some unpleasant calls we've had before. We follow the NY City chapter in accepting messages first.
At some point, you are welcome to bring your son if you both wish to come.
You have started to take a very important first step in accepting and loving your son for the person he is. The group (for short) is called P-FLAG. You will not be sorry you attended.
Let me know how things go!