Tried to Come Out on Thanksgiving to a Dysfunctional Family....UGH!
Dear Cousin Butchie,
I am 17 years old and I tried to come out to my family on Thanksgiving at dinner. Since I've been reading your blogs that kept nagging at my psyche to come out once and for all. It would be over and, usually in time, my family would be supportive.
Well, Mr. Butchie (Know-It-All), this is what happened yesterday.
My Italian family always eats Thanksgiving for four hours, and my mom said that I could invite a friend. I figured she must have assumed that Chris (my friend) is straight.
Being gay, we arrived fashionably late by 50 minutes. We sat down with the family and started to eat. Mom announced that she was divorcing dad unless things improved in their bedroom. I started to speak and my little brother stopped everything by saying that we had not said grace. All the utensils were put down and the prayer began. When it was over my sister barked out that she didn't know why we said grace only one day a year. Mom acted embarrassed. As I was eating my stuffing my other sister cleared her throat and announced that she is four months pregnant and doesn't know who the father is. Everyone hugged her and she cried as the food got cold. My BFF kicked me under the table to let me know that we should follow that drama with our coming out announcement. I said that I had something very important I needed to tell everyone at one time, and this was the ideal time. Some of them must have thought I was going to say that I finally passed my geometry class after taking it for two years. I smiled and said that my announcement would be difficult so I would appreciate some real attention. I looked at everyone at the table and then said that I had discovered something about myself and could no longer remain silent with those I love. My father broke in and asked if I was smoking or maybe I had a huge tattoo on my back. I continued, at this point realizing that the plan in my mind was going nowhere. So, I said "I want all of you to know that I am gay and that I have been gay for as long as I can remember." There was total silence until my grandmother said that there's nothing wrong with being happy. Someone whispered the big secret in her ear, and with a rosary in her hand, grandma fainted. She recovered very soon and asked me if I had discussed this with my cousin, Father Bruno. I could not blow Father Bruno's cover by saying that he was not shocked and decided to take me on a vacation with him for a week. The details of that weekend are probably in sealed records in the Vatican.
In addition, moronic Cousin Father Bruno fudged things by stupidly saying that God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. My BFF asked who did create Steve? BFF said that if Adam and Eve were the parents of Cain and Abel, with whom did they fornicate to start the human family! My Italian-Catholic parents had no idea what was going on. They go to church but read the bulletin and also watch the clothing of the people going to communion. You don't want to hear mom's feelings on dressing like Southern Baptists when we go to Mass.
We had reached the three hour mark in the banquet, and everyone talked about the football game and Donald Trump. Under the table I found my BFF's hand was near my knee. Grabbing his hand in mine calmed me down.
Butchie, I am not sure about what will happen next... but I will keep you informed.
Thanks for everything... L.O.L.
I am honored that you found my blogs inspiring enough to make the decision to come out, but you didn't ask me all the right questions... and you didn't really read my answers to dudes thinking about coming out.
I have always suggested that the big talk not be held with more than your parents (and possibly siblings). Thanksgiving wasn't too swift, but I do recall a dude who was planning to make this coming out speech on Mother's Day! To what end?
What's done is done, and I expect some details about how things progress. In my opinion, there are lots explanations to cover with the family. Since it takes us so long to get the courage to come out, don't expect your parents and family to suddenly start waving rainbow flags.
Coming out on Thanksgiving... and to so many family members present, was not the best move. But it's done. For awhile they may not even mention your orientation, but sooner than later they will. Have a list of new library books for them to read. Also locate the closest monthly meeting of P-FLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays).
Take things very slowly since you're still in high school. Also, remember that some parents refuse to pay college tuition for a gay son or daughter.
To lighten this up just a little, I was reading a book by gay comedian, Bob Smith. He writes that he was thinking about coming out on a holiday and wasn't even thinking when he said "Mom, please pass the potatoes to a homosexual." She immediately gave them to Bob's father! Go figure!
Dexter, if you need more advice, please ask for it. Quite possibly you might be asking me to be best man at your wedding!