Can This Work?
Dear Cousin Butchie,
I have been dating a dude in my class. Everything is totally fabulous and I believe we will have a great future together. The chemistry is over the top. We both plan careers in nursing because male nurses are usually so rare. He might want to become a nurse practitioner or a physician's assistant. We have plenty of time for all of this to happen.
The other evening we went out for dinner at my grandmother's house. She's a really rad older lady and I actually came out to her before I came out to my parents. At about dessert time, Grandma asked if we plan to adopt children. I immediately said we don't plan on it. My boyfriend said that he wants to have two or three kids. We have never even thought that far ahead before that dessert talk.
Now, my boyfriend is bringing up the subject every chance he gets. I have told him that I would have no problem entertaining a few nieces and nephews but that I don't want to adopt. We are both going to have some heavy duty job responsibilities and I am certain that we would not be good parents.
How do we resolve this issue and is it all that important?
If you and your boyfriend cannot come to an agreement about adoption or in vitro fertilization I see no chance that your relationship will work. This is not a minor issue like the kind of car you will drive.
You guys are really just starting out in a relationship and the adoption question is years away, but you are hitting it now... and I think it's for the best. The two of you need to sit down, possibly with a close friend, and talk about all of your feelings about being parents in the future.
While Cousin Butchie rarely tells a couple to part ways, it seems that this issue is extremely important, and you need to face it honestly as soon as you can. You might even ask the boyfriend if a dog or cat would be an acceptable compromise. Ask this very respectfully or he might explode!
Just an observation: How many heterosexual couples enter a marriage with the understanding that they will not have children. I even know of one instance in which the male had a vasectomy.