Turning Down a Troll
Hey, Cousin Butchie!
Before school starts again I need to ask your advice on how to handle a dude who finds me to be his Mr. Right!
All last year I knew that this weird boy in most of my classes has been flirting with me. I have been as kind as possible but I may have been making a mistake. He is from a poor family, lives in a bad part of town, dresses like a pig, has crooked teeth and usually smells strange. We also play on the same sports team. He knows I am gay because I am proud of what a great dude I am. He, on the other hand, stays in the closet. When the team plays an away game, he manages to sit next to me on the bus. We have never talked about the gay issue, but he has commented on my looks and in the locker rooms after our games he looks at me with x-ray eyes and has even winked at me.
I do not blame this dude for coming on to me. I am really very handsome. I am also extremely smart and will probably be a lawyer. My parents are both professionals and I can have pretty much anything I want. I always wear designer clothes, including my underwear. I have some close friends who are very much like me. We are planning a trip to Rome and we share "news" about guys who are gay and hot in school, at the shopping mall....anywhere!
So how do I get the troll to stop being so needy and to stop coming on to me. I have very high standards and expectations, but I don't know how to proceed without hurting this troll's feelings.
Rich Gay Boy with Standards
Hey, Rich Gay Boy!
I am not addressing you as "dear...." because I don't feel that you are dear to many people, and you certainly are the epitome of attitude and arrogance.
If you pay attention to some gay men you will find that they are very much like you are. They are very wrapped up in themselves, cannot pass a mirror without kissing it, act rude to other gay men (often just until they get to know them...if that's meant to happen.
If you catch the daily news you will have to admit that our world certainly is lacking in kindness and respect for others. As LGBT people, Cousin Butchie isn't trying to sound like Pope Francis. BUT we need to make every effort to accept and befriend one another. So often our closest friends become those with whom there have not been any sexual advances. In reality, they have not been turned off by our shortcomings and become the people we often consider as brothers and family. The same applies to women (lesbian and heterosexual) who often are there for us in a really caring way.
So...Rich Gay Boy, I advise you to start showing some care and compassion to all of our brothers and sisters. No one should ever be called a "troll." Sometimes you might assume it's difficult to become friends with a lesbian or a straight woman. In general, I have found that we do become friends with them. This is especially mystifying to the heterosexual guys who wonder why the women are hanging around with us so much. They are puzzled because they don't understand the dynamics here. They would also be mortified if they knew some of the things the women tell us about them (L.O.L.)
For your immediate answer regarding the boy who is flirting with you, I suggest that the first time you can have a private one on one conversation with him, tell him that you would like him for a friend.... and that you honestly know that some guys make much better friends than lovers. Tell him you desire the friendship but that's as far as it can go. He just may become another one of your close friends!