Answering Their Questions
Dear Cousin Butchie,
The question I need to ask you has really been ticking me off for weeks. I waited to ask you because I was trying to figure out how to handle it myself. So... I am asking you, and I hope you don't find my question silly or trite. I am dating a wonderful guy, and we really think we will wind up spending our lives together. We are both 16 so we're pretty new at the relationship concept, but we do love each other and never date others.
I have told my older sister that I am gay, and she was not deleriously happy, but she was accepting. I have been able to share with her, and together we will probably decide when to tell the entire family. I'm not looking forward to it, but having her help will be a good thing.
Having told you that much, I have to confess that my sister has made some totally inappropriate remarks about my boyfriend and me. There have been many basic questions which didn't bother me because the answers were pretty simple. Now, she asked me in front of two of her friends the following question: "Bro, in your love affair who is the husband and who is the wife?" I was stunned and didn't answer. The three girls giggled and started talking about something else.
Please, Cousin Butchie, tell me how to answer a question like this. I'm sure it will come up again.
Thank you so much,
First of all, I agree with you 100% that your sister's question in front of her two friends was totally inappropriate. It could possibly be that she was sincere in her question, but the most appropriate response was the silence you gave her. Congratulate yourself for that! Many straight people think about this type of question when they meet an LGBT couple, but the answer is truly none of their business. The next time, and there will be a next time, that anyone asks you this question, ask them if they are having oral sex with their partner and if it's satisfactory. This is enough to stop a majority of the dumbasses in their tracks.
For the record, my answer is that each situation is different, but that there are no set rules or roles in most relationships. As they grow and evolve, versatility most often takes over. In addition, with same gender partners, it's very easy to change places at very short notice-- as the spirit moves you.
P.S. Just want to add this. Cousin Butchie was at a beautiful lesbian wedding a few weeks ago. It was witnessed by a clergyperson whose religion would not have approved. This officiating clergyperson was (is) definitely heterosexual with several children. The last words to end the ceremony were "ENJOY AND LOVE EACH OTHER." It was a wonderful affirmation and should be said to every person making a life commitment to another of any gender.