Dear Cousin Butchie,
I hope it's okay to write to you. I am a lesbian and your column seems to have been designed just for gay men.
Well, here goes...and I hope you answer me.
Regina and I have been in a hot and heavy relationship for the past year. Probably only gay men are supposed to describe a relationship that way, but it's the truth...I swear to God. Our only problem is Regina's mother. She has never liked me, never pretended to like me, and continues not to like me to this very moment.
When we go to dinner every night at Regina's parents' house, her mother always (AND I MEAN ALWAYS) serves Regina's father first, then Regina, then herself, and then her dog Ralphie. What's left she then slops on my plate. I am totally left out of any dinnertime conversation unless my sweetie Regina talks directly to me. She continues to treat me like an invisible person when I stay in the kitchen while she does the dishes.
I have tried everything to make Regina's mother like me. Her dad is cordial but only when her mother isn't watching. She has inferred that I have stolen Regina away from her. Mind you, Regina is one of nine children since birth control was unheard of in her family.
What can I possibly do to make her like me more?
Before I answer your question, please let me explain that I have not limited this column to gay men. Lesbians have always been welcome to write, but it just hasn't happened.
Cousin Butchie (me) has pondered what you have written, and it seems to me that the only way you could make Regina's mother like you more is to disappear from her dinner table every night! You could also invite Regina's parents to dinner at your place. It need not be elaborate because it will be the thought that counts. No matter how you rearrange the dinner situation, stop always sponging off Regina's mom and dad. Start eating dinner by yourselves and limit things to a weekly dinner at your place and the following weekly dinner at theirs. Also...offer to do the dishes when you eat at Regina's parents' house. It would be a nice gesture and would how some appreciation of the meal you have been served. Figure out how much it is costing these parents to feed the two of you every evening of the year!
If she doesn't warm up to you, get the recipe for Vichyssoise from "Nunsense" and serve her a large portion. Google it if this is foreign to you.
In all sincerity, why not cook for Regina and yourself and make dinners elsewhere something you do on specal occasions?
When you do invite them to your place (apartment, I guess) please remember to invite Ralphie the Pooch as well. He is an innocent victim in this family battle, and having him on your side couldn't hurt.
AND... please remember that this column is not limited to any specific group of people. Cousin Butchie welcomes letters from the LGBT community and to parents and siblings and friends of yours.
Letters can be sent online at: www.NJGayLife.com or to KippyNJ@aol.com. Personal responses will be made in this column...or if you prefer, I will respond directly to the pesonal email address.