Paralyzed By Fear – Part Five – Dressing Up
I hate dressing up. Those who get to know me know that the less I wear the better. It’s been that way as far back as I can remember. In this picture, I was five. The look on my face isn’t only from the sun in my eyes. Perhaps I hated wearing good clothes out of fear of getting them dirty or ripped. I don’t remember. They feel fake to me. I’m all for acting and wearing a costume if it’s all in fun or for a show. I can play a role when everyone understands it’s a role. But as far as putting on good clothes, it’s just not me. I’m not comfortable in them, I don’t like shopping for them, spending money on them, cleaning them, or bearing the weight of them. Perhaps it’s the body hair. It can be very uncomfortable with tight or heavy clothing. Maybe I just like letting my skin and hair breathe freely.
Putting on good clothing comes with the fake attitude that I care if people think I know what I’m doing, that I’m fashion conscious or that I care about spending money on clothing when I don’t. I don’t mind spending money on good, comfortable clothing, but in my experience, spending more money on clothing results in less comfort. I’d prefer that the truth be known, that people know who I am, what I care about, how much I don’t spend on clothing, and what my body really looks like.
There’s a yoga sutra, Book II Number 36, that says that living truthfully will bring truth. Is it also true that if I fake it by wearing high class clothing then fakeness will come to me? I fear that. I have nothing to hide. You’ll see it in my face.