I'll Be Missing My Gay Friends
Dear Cousin Butchie,
School is just about over in a month, and I will be graduating from high school and going to a college hundreds of miles away. I have made a lot of friends during my four years in high school, and I will misss most of them. The problem is that I have also made some good gay dude friends. We came out together or close to the same time. We also went from experimenting with each other to really having really erotic sex. We have been like a special group of gay boys who could trust each other, get it on together, fight the bullies together and share our deepest feelings and problems. In a month that will all end. We may never see each other again, and this really bugs the crap out of me. What can possibly happen to make this less traumatic for me, and for the rest of them too? I am sure that other gay dudes must be facing the same anxiety right about now.
Flying on a Jet Plane
First of all, to make this situation a little less a gay issue for you, realize that most of the heterosexuals in your school are facing the same dilemma or some part of it. I'm thinking of saying that we gay men tend to put too much drama into our life experiences, but I won't. In this case many closest, closer and close friends will experience a smilar sadness and angst because they are being forced to quickly break up a relationship at any level. The str8 kids probably didn't have as much time bonding and making their sexual relationships stay alive at such distant places.
Graduation is a very bittersweet time for ALL high school students who have been friends or much more than friends. As a gay bunch of buddies, you may share some wild and crazy stories about your escapades, but this all applies to every str8, bi, or undeniably gay man or woman.
School can be a time for separation because you may leave no means to contact.
No matter how far you will be from your "best gay anyone" there are also very rapid emails you can send to keep in touch. Then there's the new telephones, etc. Use the means at your disposal to keep up with (or hooked up with) these friends who are now so important. MANY OF THESE FRIENDS WILL REMAIN FRIENDS, TO SOME EXTENT, FOR LIFE.
For others, it's sad to say, but they may cease being anything more than a friend.
College opens up many new doors for learning and new relationships. It happens more than we might have imagined. But there is absolutely no place when you are hundreds of mile apart to make sure that he still lusts after you the way you lust after him. With thousands of new people all around them, it's a pretty good bet that you will be swept off your feet or loafers by some new dude and you will quickly fall for him. It's the way human nature seems to work, and it's pretty much what will happen to you.
No matter what person the future has in store for you, be pretty sure that the hormones will tell the story.
My advice is to make yourself socially active, not to the exclusion of your classes, and test the waters for partners with whom you feel you may click. Don't let your "ex" down too hard by email. As fate would have it, you may wind up back with your first crush after four years in different schools. In this case, see each other during vacations and keep aware of whether you still feel the same and if your partner does.
It's hard to recognize at this moment, but there just may be some partner you will become so insanely in love with that you see fireworks whenever you're in his/her presence.
Do the best you can to keep in contact with your local main squeeze. But always be open to a new lover who endears to your heart. And your "ex" may be having exactly the same experience. Go with it and you'll be more mature, more certain of your life's path and some surprises that path holds. And then, for the always hopeful, the surprise just mean that you and your high school honey bun may have gone though his/her own dating mill...and it all came back to you.
Good luck and don't let worry ruin even a part of your college years. What will be, will be.
You are all welcome to communicate with Cousin Butchie in his column, or if you fear that you may not be anonymous, use your chosen name and write to me at www.kippynj.com Just write Cousin Butchie on the subject line. If your letter is used, I will disguise anything indentifiable in your letter. Mark that you only want a private answer, and you'll get it. Each one of you is special to me because we are all special to one another-- or we would make this world a hell of a lot better if we did.