The Bad Penny Returns
Greetings to all of my thousands of readers who have missed my blogs lately. Your cards and messages and floral deliveries sent to the funeral home have been forwarded to me. Worry not! It was all some sort of mix-up so I can save my new suit for another time.
I have been busy here at God's Waiting Room, and I've learned some valuable things here in the past weeks. I'll try randomly try to encapsulate them so that you, my wonderful readers, can learn from them, laugh at them or dismiss them as you see fit.
While I have made no conscious effort to return to the closet, it has partially happened. I'm experiencing what my heterosexual counterparts experience, and I am forced to admit that I would not make a choice to be straight...even if such a choice were possible.
Living with old cranky people when one is a mere chicken at 65 is rough. When I first moved in, I didn't know about the horrible way that older people can treat each other. Nor did I know about the rumor mill operating in the building. Nor did I ever dream that I would have to endure rumors of sexual escapades. Were they about other dudes it would be great. As it is, some of the women are high on estrogen. While they may be tolerable some of the time, I believe that they give the word "bitch" a entirely more definitive meaning to me. I don't totally blame them considering some of their personal backgrounds-- some have been widowed and supposedly haven't had sex in forty years. Others have never been married, and the prospect of a "chicken" in the building gives them hope.
In the past weeks, here are some of the more horrible happenings:
1. Being somewhat of a slut, I will confess to you that the unfortunate suicide of Tyler Clementi has bothered me a great deal, BUT I will also have to be honest and say that I believe that Dharun Ravi has an incredibly homo-erotic quality about him. Thus, I could not have been on the jury!
2. I have been nominated and have accepted the position of vice-president of the tenant' association.
3. I have found myself asked numerous questions about Roman Catholicism. These aren't the standard catechism type questions, rather they are sincere questions about how Cardinal Timothy Dolan of NY can have the unmitigated gall to announce a financial campaign to raise $177 milion. In the present economy, and with the archdiocese closing schools and parishes and social services, the money is "needed" to renovate Saint Patrick's Cathedral. The people are being led to believe that the cathedral will crumble and injure people inside. In my view, duct tape, crazy glue...even Astro Glide can work wonders at far less cost than the proposed plan. I've told these older Catholics that we need to really attack the "bottomless pit question" asked by almost everyone... If the Vatican were to drop things down a few notches and sell some of the treasures within, many people could be fed and trained to be self-sustaining. Right now, the Pope, B-16 is vague on this alternate idea and worries that his Gucci shoes (or are they Prada?) will be eliminated. It would be back to Payless for his kickers.
4. Having the "passability" to appear and act heterosexual, I get to hear some of the comments the elderly gentlemen make about their current or former wives. I was, in fact, told that we should never say that someone needs to have balls because they are sensitive and annoying appendages which indicate no strength or power to the possessor. Nope, they suggest saying that a person needs more pussy because this organ can take one hell of a pounding. I've heard this from any number of geezers, but I believe the credit goes to Betty White.
5. One evening in February a neighbor I really wasn't sure that I had met knocked at my door and asked if I could help her open a jar of pickels. The fact that it was 11:15 pm totally escaped the lady.
6. I am very much in a leadership spot in this palatial dwelling place, and this means that I often get the brunt of ire when something displeases the residents. I can count on one hand the number of times anyone has thanked me for anything. Oh, there was the crying Cub Scout in our lobby men's room at Christmas. He couldn't get his fly closed. His thank you was only generated by leading him to the snack table for the kids.
This completes what I wanted to write for this episode.
I do, however, want to add a comment to fellow blogger John Holden-Galuccio. I always find the blogs interesting and very readable. Recently, I came across their book on my "gay shelf". There was a mention of Jon's unfortunate experiences with the clergy and people at Our Lady Queen of Peace Church in Maywood. Without elaborating, I think you would be very surprised by the current pastor in that parish. About as much eye candy as any human being can have.... and a very nice guy. Whether he has jumped on the anti-gay marriage bandwagon, I do not know.
Until next time.... and RJ is getting ready to share the laughs of living here with you, don't buy any chocolate Easter rabbits or you will be tempted to nibble their ears off. I speak from experience.