The Reality Dating Service

Posted by RJ on Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Despite what some very sweet PFLAG mothers (and others) would like you to believe, not every gay man arrives in his golden years, living in God's Waiting Room happily- partnered for forty-three years, with three adopted children from third world nations.  Nor does he, in very many instances, have a stellar pension and a mansion in suburbia and a summer villa.

When one finds himself in this type of situation, lacking all of the expected, promised and hoped for percs, an option is to join a GLBT dating service.  Rather than (initially) do a boring description of myself, let me share with you the way I completed the form of a now defunct gay dating service.

1.  What is your screen name?   Stallion

2.  How young are you?   Well, my sister was a waitress at the Last Supper, so you do the math.

3.  What age men would you like to date?   I truly prefer 18-22, and I ask for great looks, toned body and a little dull in the I.Q. department, if you get my drift.

4.  Are you attractive?  That is truly in the eyes of the beholder.  However my cousin told me that I was such an ugly baby that my mother needed to be drunk to breast feed me.

5.  What about your father?  Oh, no! He didn't breast feed me.

6.  Who is your favorite gay celebrity.  I wote Prince Harry, and they called me stupid... online stupid!  It was wishful thinking.

7.  What kind of music do you like?  Very fast paced music, like my favorite songs are "Kumbuya" and "When the Moon Came Over the Mountain" by Kate Smith. Those 78's never wear out.

8.  Where do you generally go to meet other single men of your vintage?   The cardiologist's office is pretty active, but the urologist's waiting room tops the list.

9.  How old were you when you came out?  I "came out" as in being born at age 0.  I came out to the world three minutes later when the doctor spanked my backside and I kissed him.  Don't tell anyone!

10.  Tell us more about yourself.

          Well, I am a real dude who lives his life on his own terms with the help of psychotropic meds from my shrink. I delight in the simple pleasures of life, like finding my dentures in the bathroom or discovering that I have forgotten where I hid my extra four Viagra tablets. This latter incident makes me clean the apartment and hunt everywhere until I find the little devils.

          Material things do not mean much to me, but as with any gay man, I am brand loyal.  For me, that means nothing but Timex, Wal-Mart, Trojan and Burger-King.

           My life has been very varied, and there is much I could share with a gay twink.  In my younger years, I was a Freedom Rider, a U.S. Marine, a Stonewall protestor, and I played the guitar for one of the first folk Masses ever held in a Catholic church.

            When we get to know each other better, I can share about what I was doing when John F. Kennedy was assassinated, and other fun topics.

            Almost forgot-- I don't smoke and drink only socially.  And I drive an Oldsmobile. Couldn't ya just die!!!

 

So, now that you know all the answers to the dating line questions, you know all about RJ.  Let the dates begin!

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