Our Blogs

Bumpers, Part 2 - A Cookbook That Bumped Me

Another item that bumped me, as in being bumped along in your life as a pinball bumper knocks a ball quickly, often in a new direction, was a cookbook. I know it sounds odd. But hear me out. My mother was a dietitian. Because of her I grew up ...

Bumpers, Part 1 - An Album That Changed Me

Have you ever played pinball? Usually in a pinball machine there are round bumpers. When the ball hits one of these bumpers, the ball is propelled rather quickly in a new direction. The direction could be good, resulting in points, or it could be ...

LGBT Friendly Travel - Sweden

Sweden is one of the most LGBT friendly countries in the world. The annual Stockholm Pride week is a perfect time to build a visit to Europe around. Stockholm is welcoming, open, diverse, and fun. Over the last few years, Stockholm has emerged as ...

I Just Don't Fit In! Poor me! My Pity Party!

Dear Cousin Butchie, Since NJ Pride happens only six days from now, I am again feeling left out of the plans of all of my gay friends. I made the mistake of asking some guys I considered close why I was being shunned by my gay buddies whom I ...

LGBT Friendly Travel - Denmark

Hi all! Clark Daugherty here again with the next installation of LGBT Friendly Travel!!!! This week we are going to Denmark!!! Follow the Rainbow to Copenhagen and discover what the fuss is all about! Known as one of the most welcoming ...

Mother's Day

Hey, Cousin Butchie, This needs a fast answer. Time is of the essence. My mother is not exactly in the running for most understanding mother of the year. I am out to her, but she is still not ready to accept the fact that I am proud to be gay and ...

Introduction to LGBT Friendly Travel

My name is Clark Daugherty, Owner of Dreams Ahoy Travel, LLC. I have recently joined NJGayLife as an advertiser. One of my objectives when I joined was to be a source of information for LGBT Friendly Travel. In pursuit of that objective, I wanted to ...

A Vegetarian in Philadelphia - Green Eggs Cafe

My husband and I were in Philly recently for my annual checkup at Jefferson Medical Oncology, a bustling area of the city, right in the heart of the Gaybordhood. Neither of us had eaten breakfast, so after my appointment (which was all good) I got ...

Coming Out Resources

Good evening, Cousin Butchie: I am having a very difficult time coming out. I am 17 years old and have two brothers. My one older brother is the one I figured would be the best family member to approach with the news. We went on a Circle Line NY ...

Tinder

What are your conversations like with those dudes online? For those people out there who are single and looking to find someone that they have something in common with, find attractive and would like to get to know better; how do you go from being ...

Toothpaste

I hope the title of this blog got your attention. This post is about toothpaste, sort of. Toothpaste is a very helpful part of the beneficial practice of tooth care. It’s loaded with good, tasty things that serve our health on a daily basis. ...

Liberty And Justice For None

You can take away our right to privacy, and that’s okay since it’s for our own safety due to the Patriot Act passed after the Twin Tower Attacks. We need to separate church & state, but we added “One Nation, Under God” to ...

Someone to Listen and Care

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have had a very bad year. My mother died after a long battle with cancer. Prior to that my boyfriend (who I still love beyond words) broke up with me because I never had time for him. I was too busy caring for my mom and ...

Are All Kids Created Equal?

Growing up, every child is automatically placed into a very specific category despite those parents who try to avoid the pitfalls. Even before birth, as soon as the gender of a baby is revealed, everything either becomes blue or pink. There is no in ...

Falling Apart and Coming Together

Things fall apart. That’s what they naturally do. We can cry. We can mourn. We can celebrate. It depends on our perspective. But we can’t avoid the inevitable. Things also come together. Sometimes this is by design. Sometimes by chance. ...

Gay Holidays

Hi, Cousin Butchie! I am 21 y.o. and very comfortable and proud to be a gay young man most of the time. Around the holidays things aren't so happy and gay. I am invited to dinner with my family, but amidst all of the conversation and chatter, I ...

How Much Do I Tell my New Boyfriend?

Hey Cousin Butchie, I have found a man who I am certain is going to be my husband for all time. I know he has told me he feels the same way, and we have shared a great deal about our lives and our families. In fact, our parents have all met, and ...

Dating an HIV Positive Dude

Dear Cousin Butchie, I really have no other person to answer this question for me. I am 16 and my b/f is 19. We've dated off and on for about eighteen months. I love him, but he has just told me something which has made my world implode. In ...

Does "Will and Grace" show how my son will grow up?

Uncle R.J., I am writing to you because I feel that your Nephew Butchie would only tend to confirm the fears I'm having. He may not mean to do it, but I don't want to take a chance asking this question from someone of a younger age who will ...

The Hairy Vegetarian at Sprig and Vine in New Hope

I get a special thrill when I visit or hear about a vegetarian or vegan restaurant. I get a similar charge when I eat at any restaurant that serves a great vegetarian meal, or even tries to. When I first started blogging about vegetarian dining in ...

Coming Out at 57 - Part One

It’s about time I came out. Out, as in to everyone. I’m 57 and it’s about time. I know there are people who know. I display telltale signs. I let my hair down to people I know well. I know people know it about me when I go to ...

Why Have You Not Commented about Donald Trump?

Yo, Cousin Butchie! My friends and I read your column. Sometimes we're good on you, and other times we find your advice to be spot on. So... What in the name of God has caused you to be silent about "President" Donald Trump, his policies, actions, ...

I Retired! Sort Of

On July 1, 2017 I retired. Well, “retire” isn’t a good word to describe what I’ve done. I’m still working. I needed a word that means quit one career to pursue another, and the only one I could think of was ...

Doing What We are Told We Shouldn't

Sometimes I do things people tell me I shouldn’t. Don’t get me wrong. If it’s for good reason, like not stepping into wet concrete, or not going into shark-infested waters, then I obey. Considering, though, our fondness for giving ...

Should We Out the Teacher?

Dear Cousin Butchie, School starts next week, and the three of us have been arguing about something for months, even back into our sophomore year. My two friends and I are gay, but not exactly out. Oh, we're out to each other, but no one else in ...

You Can't Be "Healed" Straight

Yo Cousin Butchie! I am 16 y.o. and I came out to my parents six months ago. It was not a wonderful scene as we argued back and forth about my life. I was told that I was doing this to aggravate them- that I am condemned by society and most faiths- ...

Uncle RJ Invited to Answer Questions for Cousin Butchie #2

Posted by Uncle RJ Comments (0)
Dear Uncle RJ, What is it like to be an older gay man living in our society? I have had a good number of partners while looking for Mr. Right, and only a few have come close to what I seek, but they didn't come close enough. Are all gay couples ...

Uncle RJ Invited to Answer Questions for Cousin Butchie #1

Posted by Uncle RJ Comments (0)
Hello Faithful Readers, This is Cousin Butchie. Over the past few months, there have been some questions sent my way and I have felt that they could be better answered by my elderly Uncle RJ. It's not that I can't answer these questions. It's ...

Being a Good Older Brother

Dear Cousin Butchie, My brother and I are both gay. I'm three years older than he is, but we came out at the same time. Our parents were stunned at first. You know, they never suspected, etc. Now they are very accepting and are even marching in the ...

The Equality March for Unity and Pride

Posted by Simone Comments (3)
Summer is almost upon us! I know hard to believe right. Depending on where you live it may or may not feel like spring. Although i feel like with global warming, it doesn't feel like much like spring anywhere north of the of the Mason Dixon. However ...

What is happening to our community?

Cousin Butchie! A few friends and I were discussing a problem which still exists in the gay and lesbian community. We all are beyond bothered by the way people think that the transgender people (who have come out of nowhere) are suddenly identified ...

I am soo scared!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am very scared right now, and none of my friends let me talk about it. As soon as I lead into a discussion, they tune me out. Here's what happened. My parents weren't home and I answered the door for two of Jehovah's ...

Bigotry within the LGBT community

Posted by Simone  Comments (0)
In the current political and social climate, words like equality, discrimination and rights are heard and seen quite often. Which they should be. Under this current legislation, the LGBT community has no room for complacency. It is times like these ...

Questions from a Mom

Dear Cousin Butchie, I don't know if it was right to search my son's emails and everything else on his computer, but I have been going crazy about his possible homosexuality. I have read more than any mother should, but I did discover your website, ...

Swipe Left Or Swipe Right

Posted by Simone  Comments (0)
We're seventy-five days into 2017. Unfortunately or fortunately you've found yourself single. But let's just say for argument's sake that this is a good thing for you. The world is your oyster, there's plenty of fish in the sea(pun intended). So ...

Television Program Alert

Hello, Wonderful Readers... I am not answering your question(s) in this post. Rather, I want to remind everyone to watch Dateline on Channel 4 on Friday, March 10th from 9-11PM. The program will deal with the horrendous harm caused by people who ...

Boyfriend Problem

Dear Cousin Butchie, I think we might know each other at school, but I'm not sure and I would rather write to you anyway. My boyfriend has been doing some strange things lately and I'm very confused by what's going on. For example, I went to ...

Seven Ways to Become Sound This Morning

Seven Ways to Become Sound This Morning 1. As soon as you get up, take a deep breath. Inhale and let your belly expand, then your chest. Exhale and draw your belly in. You can also do this anytime throughout the day. Set an alarm on your phone to ...

IN LOVE BUT KEEPING THE BABY AND THE BATH WATER

This letter has been translated by a friend who was able to translate from Polish to English. I am very grateful to her for volunteering. Dear Cousin Butchie, I have just moved to the United States to be with my boyfriend of six years. We are both ...

Feeling Very Trapped!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am at my wit's end, and I have no idea how I can solve the mess I'm in. I also have a certain degree of guilt about feeling this way. When my father passed away five years ago he made all of us (six children) promise that we ...

Not Expecting any Happy Holidays!

Dear Cousin Butchie and Uncle RJ, I hope it's okay to write to the both of you at one time. I need all of the encouragement and positivity I can get, and I assume I am not the only one. I read that this is the first time in 40 years that both ...

Tried to Come Out on Thanksgiving to a Dysfunctional Family....UGH!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am 17 years old and I tried to come out to my family on Thanksgiving at dinner. Since I've been reading your blogs that kept nagging at my psyche to come out once and for all. It would be over and, usually in time, my family ...

Our President-Elect

Dear Cousin Butchie, I looked forward to this month's election because it was the first time I have ever been old enough to vote. My hopes and dreams were shattered when Hillary Clinton won the popular vote but lost the electoral vote to Donald ...

A Vegetarian at the Gym-Ultimate Grill

I have to say that I’ve never eaten in a gym before. I wasn’t planning on it today. I was going to work out at the gym before continuing on to school (That’s the massage school I’ve been attending for the past year). I ...

The Truth Can Leave You Without a Date

Hey, Cousin Butchie! I wrote to you long ago about the best way to find a date and relationship or both. You advised me to be honest so that other guys looking for special friends would trust me once they met me. It made sense. Who wants to think ...

A Vegetarian in Miami - Seasons 52

Who doesn't like a little excitement? I love to be excited about food. Not just excited at the prospects of satisfying hunger, but excited by the potential of the experience of eating itself, and then being excited by the process in many aspects. I ...

A Vegetarian in Miami - Full Bloom Vegan Restaurant

Lunch today was exciting, but dinner tonight was an adventure. We would soon see whether that was because of the food, or other factors. It's our last night in Miami, the conference is over. All our old and new friends are gone. My husband Joe and I ...

The Online B/F Was a Total Disappointment

Dear Cousin Butchie, I got myself into an internet mess. I went to a dating site and found a dude who was also going to be a freshman at the same college I would be at. I'm in NJ and he was still with his parents in Oregon. He explained to me that ...

Telling Younger Brother About Safe Sex.... Should I tell him or not?

Dear Cousin Butchie, This is a somewhat involved question, but there is no one who can be trusted in my highly dysfunctional family. I mean, I love my parents, but they are so dysfunctional they should get an award. I am 17 and openly gay. My ...

Can This Work?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have been dating a dude in my class. Everything is totally fabulous and I believe we will have a great future together. The chemistry is over the top. We both plan careers in nursing because male nurses are usually so rare. ...

Five Weeks Before School and I am Bored

Hey Cousin Butchie, It's about five weeks before prep school classes start again, and I am bored out of my mind. I've done everything on my bucket list for the summer, and now I just watch the daytime game shows and play video games. Any ...

Coming Out Is Really Complicated

Dear Cousin Butchie, I feel very stupid and helpless right now. I thought I had a great plan for staying in the closet for as long as I needed to and then surprising everyone with the news when I jumped out of that closet. I'm psyched to come out ...

Turning Down a Troll

Hey, Cousin Butchie! Before school starts again I need to ask your advice on how to handle a dude who finds me to be his Mr. Right! All last year I knew that this weird boy in most of my classes has been flirting with me. I have been as kind as ...

A Vegetarian in Aruba - Papiemento

A vegetarian-friendly sounding menu doesn't guarantee a satisfying meal, and a vegetarian-unfriendly one doesn't forebode a bad one. I have been to Papiemento on the island of Aruba before, and I can't tell you what I had. But I do have pleasant ...

Cousin Butchie Asks Uncle RJ's Opinion. WOW!

Posted by Uncle RJ Comments (0)
Hello, my faithful and wonderful readers. I appreciate the fact that you read my advice blog, and I ask you to indulge me this time in asking (again) for some words of wisdom from Uncle RJ. I'll ask him his opinion and see how he replies. Uncle ...

A Yogi in Aruba - Part Three

It's Friday morning. Our last full day in Aruba. It's 7:50 and the sun is brightly shining. This hasn't happened in a few days. I want to go immediately to the beach but I go to the 8 am yoga class, hoping the sun will burn off the bugs, or at least ...

Dictates by Uncle RJ On PRIDE 2016

Happy Pride Weekend to all of our readers. I will not hesitate to let Uncle RJ write in this space. He bribed me.. LOL. It is expected that this will be the largest NY Gay Pride Parade ever. Gone are the days when the parade started up in the ...

From a Very Worried Mom

Cousin Butchie, I am writing to you because I know that you are around my son's age-- and because he has let me read some of your blogs. I don't know where else to turn because my son is out of the closet, but I am not! I just don't have the right ...

Orlando Massacre of OUR Brothers and Sisters

ORLANDO MASSACRE OF OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS I asked my Uncle RJ how the murder of so many people could have happened in the United States in 2016. It is not the absolute worst murderous event to occur in the world-- ISIS has been victimizing ...

Memorial Day for Me

Hello, Cousin Butchie! Today is Memorial Day, and it's also very close to the anniversary of when my brother died from the complications of A.I.D.S. back in 1996. The new drugs didn't arrive to take effect soon enough. I am still devastated by his ...

A Yogi in Aruba, Part Two

It's Wednesday morning, my sixth day of vacation. I didn’t go to the yoga class on Monday morning. I'm at the 8:00 yoga class on the grass now. It's very cloudy and looks as if it will rain any second. Alia, the yoga teacher, is happy to see ...

The Bathroom Issue

Dear Cousin Butchie, Help!!! I am out to just about everyone at my all boys high school. I know that sounds like paradise to some guys, and I'm proud to say that I have experienced no problems or discrimination. I know that I am really lucky and ...

NOT the Best Mother's Day Ever!

Dear Cousin Butchie, Because Mother's Day has already happened I was not going to write to you, but I think holidays will always stink unless I get some handle on the problem now in 2016. My boyfriend and I went to my mother's house for dinner on ...

Roomate Aggravation

Dear Cousin Butchie, I honestly never thought I would write to you for advice, but this problem has me going totally crazy. I am a freshman at a local university which I will not name (but President Obama will be the graduation speaker L.O.L.). My ...

Transgender Quandry

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am writing to you because I have read your blogs in NJ Gay Life... and I don't know who else to discuss things with. I am gay, and my parents took a little time to get comfortable with this "news" but they quickly educated ...

In Love with My Teacher

Dear Cousin Butchie, I hope you can help me with this problem because no one else even takes me seriously. I am 16 years old and attend a private school. I am absolutely and undoubtedly in love with one of my teachers. He is super handsome, ...

Vatican Still Doesn't Really Get It

Posted by RJ Comments (0)
Dear Uncle RJ, I know your nephew, Cousin Butchie... and I don't think he is smart enough to answer my question. Don't tell him I said that, but it is true. So... What is your opinion of the latest statements from Pope Francis on April 8, 2016? ...

A Yogi in Aruba, Part One

It's Friday the Thirteenth, and my first morning in Aruba. I saw on the board last night when we got to the hotel that there was a yoga class at 8 this morning. That's 7 New Jersey time. I haven't done yoga that early in the morning in years. But ...

5 Spring Cleaning Tips to Purge Clutter

March 20 is the first day of spring. Do you look forward to annual spring cleaning, or dread it? Or just skip it all together? Don't feel overwhelmed. No one says you have to spring clean your entire home in one day or weekend. Take it in small ...

Horrendous TV Show

Hi Cousin Butchie! I am a Catholic priest and wish to remain anonymous. For the record, I am liberal, loving and gay. I also abhor the sex scandals and the men in the hierarchy who made it all worse by moving pedophile priests from parish to ...

Oscars, the Deadly Grouches and Hope with Hillary

Original article appeared in the Huffington Post. See it here. It's Oscar time and did you know that the very first transgender performer to be nominated for an Academy Award boycotted the event? Anohni, the first transgender performer to be ...

Answering Their Questions

Dear Cousin Butchie, The question I need to ask you has really been ticking me off for weeks. I waited to ask you because I was trying to figure out how to handle it myself. So... I am asking you, and I hope you don't find my question silly or ...

Valentine's Day Card for Mother-in-law

Dear Cousin Butchie, Hi, how are you? I am fine. My b/f and I have been having an argument about Valentine's Day cards. I hope you can give a definitive answer. My boyfriend's mother is very loving and accepting of our commitment. On the other ...

Disabled and Need Advice

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am disabled due to M.S. I am retired and unable to work. My choices were: Move home with my parents, move into assistaed living, or stay in my home and pay someone to help me. I chose the third. After many interviews, mostly ...

A Vegetarian in Aruba: The Screaming Eagle

I'm not hard to please, even as a vegetarian in a tourist spot. But there are a few things that will make me very happy. Put me on the menu. Acknowledge that I exist and that I lead a legitimate, honorable lifestyle. Give me flavor. Prepare and ...

Trans Lunacy or Just Media Lunacy?

'The Grinch who stole the trans movement:' Transgender solider Chelsea Manning launches Christmas attack against Caitlyn Jenner for her behavior after coming out. So now is this incarcerated military felon the new self appointed voice of the ...

Feeling Very Sad and Guilty

Dear Cousin Butchie, I read your blog/column all the time, and it helps me sometimes to understand questions about living my life as a gay young man. Right now I need advice of a different kind, and I don't want to share this with my family or ...

Breaking Up

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have a question I need answered, but I think I know what your answer will be. Well, here goes. I've been in a relationship of sorts for the past thirteen months. My b/f is handsome and hot and plays on the basketball team. ...

To Go or Not to Go

Dear Cousin Butchie, My problem is probably so different and unique that you won't have an answer, but here goes.... I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. We are both freshmen in college, and the relationship has been good to ...

December 25, 2015

HAPPY DECEMBER 25, 2015 GREETINGS TO ALL OF MY READERS HERE AT NJ GAY LIFE! I AM WRITING THIS JUST BEFORE 4 P.M. ON CHRISTMAS DAY... AS WE ALL HAVE BEEN INFORMED BY THE MEDIA OR BY OUR OWN PERSPIRING BODIES, THIS IS THE HOTTEST CHRISTMAS SINCE ...

They Always Lose My Number

Dear Cousin Butchie, I just exited the closet about eight months ago, and I'm finding that there are some aspects about gay dating which are not cool at all. My past experience was with girls and I was 14 or 15 at that time. Like, we were friends ...

B/F is a Jehovah's Witness

Dear Cousin Butchie, I probably have the most unusual situation you have ever heard. I hope you can give me some good advice. My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about six months. Usually, our dates are only on certain days because ...

After Five Years He Doesn't Want to Get Married!

Posted by RJ Comments (0)
Dear RJ, I was going to send this question to your nephew, Butchie-- but I decided that asking an older dude (do they still call you a dude at your age?) would be better. You are older and wiser and probably have seen it all and done it all. I ...

How many anniversaries are enough?

This morning, Facebook reminded me that on this day two years ago I posted the picture on the left with the caption: At Metuchen Boro Hall this morning, applying for our Marriage license. Our good friend Laura was our witness. On November 10th, the ...

My Parents Made Me Gay

My parents made me gay. I’m certain of it. As I look back on my life with them, I discover several clues that expose their blame. I’m ok with it. It’s just nice, finally, to be able to figure out exactly why I turned out this way. ...

Responding to Online Personal Ads

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am out of school now and I'm having a rough time finding dates or even friends using one of the free services (Craigslist) and a few others. I have answered some ads and received really stupid replies. I know that this kind ...

Selfless September - Part Three

I won’t declare Selfless September a failure. It wasn’t. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I did accomplish one thing, and it has had an impact on my overall health and wellbeing. I have stopped calling other drivers ...

Thoughts about the Pope's visit

We received this note and picture from one of NJGayLife.com's long-time visitors, Gary Wyssling. Thanks for sending this, Gary! I had the privilege of seeing the Pope in Central Park. I will admit that I am a frustrated Catholic and feel the church ...

Pope Francis

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am dating a Catholic dude. My parents aren't delighted that I am gay, and they are actually less delighted that my main crush is Catholic. We have had some discussions about religion, and our future plan would be to adopt a ...

Selfless September - Part Two

This is going to be a lot more difficult than I thought. I’m trying to act less selfishly for the month of September. It’s almost half way over and I’m not getting very far. When I drive I have stopped saying out loud nasty names ...

A Birthday Present?

Dear Cousin Butchie, It feels strange writing to you, but I want an answer from someone who doesn't know me or my family. My brother is 15 and his birthday is coming up in two weeks. We usually exchange gag type gifts and crazy birthday cards so ...

Selfless September - Part One

I’m going to take a month to explore something I’ll call “selflessness.” I’m not quite sure what that means. I mean, I still want to have a self. I don’t want to pretend that I’m not here. That’s not ...

Should I Have Told My Dad?

Dear Cousin Butchie, Hi! I am 16 years old and I've been reading your blogs for more than a few years. That's why I want to ask you a question which is bothering me because I may have missed a great opportunity to come out to my dad. Last month, ...

My Brother is Very Depressed

Dear Cousin Butchie, My brother and I are both gay. I am 17 and he just came out at 15. Strangely, it surprised me. I never suspected it. Our parents have been cool about it and they actually said that it was my place to keep my brother out of ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Asbury Park - Vintage Subs

This photo is of Nick, Joel, and Pedro serving up Vintage Subs. I’m going to spend a lot of time here trying to convince myself that I went to Vintage Subs in Asbury Park today to eat lunch. Yes, that’s why I went there. To eat a sub. ...

Interviewing Uncle RJ

Dear Readers, Some of you have asked questions about my Uncle RJ. In fact, one kind soul suggested that he's been answering the questions in my blog/column. I have decided to interview my Uncle RJ and ask him for brief responses to the questions ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Asbury Park - Twisted Tree Cafe

I love a new experience, especially when eating out. I love trying new foods, new ways of cooking favorite foods, interesting combinations of familiar foods, and different ways to use spices and herbs to flavor foods. I also love familiar things. I ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Scotland - The Ghillie Dhu, Edinburgh

On the last night of this leg of the tour, the 18 people in the group I'm traveling with had a dinner arranged by the tour company at a local pub. Local, I guess, as in the same city. It was at least a half hour walk from the hotel. But shockingly ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Scotland-The Outsider Restaurant, Edinburgh

Sometimes it just happens. Every once in a great while there is a rare combination of chance, good luck, surprise, and delight. Tonight was one of those nights. We got to Edinburgh at dinner hour with the evening free. The same four of us from the ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Ireland-Keshk Café Restaurant-Dublin

I get enough to eat. Really, I do. I’m not one to starve. Right now I'm in Dublin traveling with a group of 75 Americans. There just happen to be two other vegetarians in the group. It’s great. I don't feel so alone. Last night the whole ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Ireland-The Fig Tree Cafe, Kilkenny

I'm traveling with a group through Ireland. I worried before we left that there would be little choice for a vegetarian. I imagined eating potatoes for twelve days. I could always drown my sorrows in Guinness, right? Well, I've been here for five ...

Victoria's Secret

Dear Cousin Butchie, "Horace" and I have been best friends since grade school. In the past few years, we've become even better friends. It has progressed to a consensual sexual (off and on) friendship. Horace is really the one person in this world ...

Outed by my best friend

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am writing to you but I don't know what you or anyone else can do to help. I have been in the closet during my fist two years in high school. No one really seemed to suspect, and I don't think I fit anyof the stereotypes ...

Gay Marriage Victory, but beware!

Dear Readers, Friends and Enemies, There is little doubt in my mind that the Supreme Court Decision in favor of gay marriage is the greatest victory for the LGBT Community that has ever happened in our collective LGBT lives. It presents a powerful ...

Father's Day- OMG!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have completely forgotten that Father's Day is tomorrow. I don't think my dad will care if I send him a stupid card or not. What should I do, now that it's not too late? As for present, what can I do? I am so stressed about ...

My Boyfriend is a Slob

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have had a major real crush on this dude in my junior class. We have been to GSA dances and other events, and we talk all the time on the phone. I am very honest when I say that I had never seen the tatoos on his body or his ...

Funeral Etiquette/Feeling Stupid

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have never been to a funeral home before, so I got all nervous when I went to see my friend's mother laid out for viewing. It's a stupid custom anyway, but that's not the reason for the letter. I always have a warped sense of ...

Mom and Dad Weren't Upset When I Came Out on Sunday Night

Hi Cousin Butchie! Thanks for mentioning NJ Gay Pride. I went on Sunday and had a wonderfully fabulous time. I am 17 y.o. and it was totally unplanned but I met five dudes from my high school who will now be my BFF friends. I was attracted to one ...

Celebrating Gay Pride

First of all, I want to wish a special greeting of pride to all my readers on NJ Gay Pride Day...June 7th. I would be in Asbury Park celebrating with you but I was asked to be best man at a friend's wedding (a heterosexual wedding, OMG) and I agreed ...

I Tested Positive for HIV... What now?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am totally freaked out and still in shock. I'll try to make this make sense. I was diagnosed HIV Positive one week ago today. My family doctor gave me the news in a rather off-handed way and said that I'm lucky because ...

Classic #3

Dear Cousin Butchie, I hope it's okay to write to you. I am a lesbian and your column seems to have been designed just for gay men. Well, here goes...and I hope you answer me. Regina and I have been in a hot and heavy relationship for the past ...

A Classic #2

Dear Cousin Butchie, I assume it's okay for a straight woman to write to you. I read your columns all the time, and I feel comfortable asking for your opinion. In some ways you remind me of a very good friend of mine who has just come out of the ...

A Classic #1

Dear Cousin Butchie, How long can a healthy, athletic, gay male who is 19 years old go without having sex? It seems that my boyfriend and I have been in a great relationship for the past two years, but we had a very nasty fight a few days ago and ...

Butchie, What Did You Do?

I walked into my older brother's (18) room and found him with his head on the keyboard. I checked for a pulse, and I could tell he had just fallen into a deep sleep. When I got my brother in bed, I sat down to see what he was reading. OMG...he ...

Cousin Butchie's Opinions, Since You Asked!

Dear Cousin Butchie, First of all, I want you to know that I read your blog type advice column whenever I see that it runs. You have made me laugh at times. You have also made me really think about your replies. I would like to know how you feel ...

Should I Date Online???

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am now 17 years old so that means I have been gay for 17 years. In all that time I have had a few encounters with other guys, but never a real romantic date. One of my snarky friends asked me if I hve ever had sex with my ...

I AM NOT GAY!!!

Hi Cousin Butchie, I am a straight (as in heterosexual) high school junior. I belong to a Gay-Straight Alliance at my school, and some of the members introduced me to your column. I think it's cool the way you anwer questions, so I am asking one ...

Trying to Hook Up

Dear Cousin Butchie, All of my gay friends have guys they are crushing on, but I don't. I don't know if it's strange to have five really good guy friends and not to have had any sexual interest going on, but that's how it is. So in a fit of ...

It's Been a Terrible Weekend

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have had a miserable weekend and I have no reason why all of this crap has descended upon me. I'm so aggravated that I may take a sick day from school. On Friday, my father asked me to take out the recycling cans on ...

Blackmailed by My Father

Hi Cousin Butchie, I am a junior is high school. My grades are good and I have friends (gay and straight) who know I'm gay and treat me just like they treat each other. I guess I should feel lucky. The problem is that my father and I have always ...

Somber Sharing

To my readers: Every so often your Cousin Butchie gets bummed out by something in his own life. There is a certain degree of grief which surrounds this posting, and I have learned that the best way to handle grief is to share it. Since I also ...

Yoga and Sex

Time for a change of pace. I know what you must be thinking after you read the title of this post. Two muscled bodies glistening with sweat, in an animated, intimate dance, each one out doing the other in feats of flexibility and agility. So let ...

What Good is a Beard?

Back over the summer I took a look at my goatee and decided it was time to let it get a bit of length. The problem with that area of my beard is that most of the white is there. But I thought it was time to accept it as a normal part of my aging and ...

Should Gay Marriage Mimic Straight Marriage?

Dear Cousin Butchie, My husband and I have been among the first couples to marry in NJ. It was a liberating experience and everyone(almost) in both our families were supportively accepting and made ours a wedding to remember. The honeymoon is now ...

A Wish So You Won't Feel Left Out

JUST IN CASE NO ONE HAS TAKEN THE TIME OR THE LOVE TO WISH YOU A HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY, I SEND THIS WISH YOUR WAY. THE GROUNDHOG DID SEE HIS SHADOW, SO WE HAVE SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER!

Paralyzed By Fear - A Gun to the Head

I've never had anyone hold a gun to my head. I don't profess to know exactly what that feeling is like. I can only imagine that moment of terror when you realize that someone, in a split second, could pull the trigger and end your life. You probably ...

Paralyzed By Fear-Loss

Is it death we fear? Is it the unknown? I won't profess to know what happens when we die. I can’t say for sure whether our consciousness lives on, or whether the body lives on as well. I don’t know if death is the end. I do know that ...

My Born-Again Aunt Will Be Calling!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I'm writing to you before the horrendous snowstorm hits us here in New Jersey. I will not have school tomorrow, and I am also not feeling well.It's probably the flu.Physically feeling lousy doesn't make me look forward to what ...

Yoga on a Helipad-Part Two

On the second day of the cruise, my suite mate Brian and I went to the Friends of Dorothy meeting in the Champagne Bar. This is a way that gay men used to advertise meetings on cruises in the days when we didn't want the straight people to know we ...

Yoga on a Beach

Today we took a very interesting taxi ride to Magans Bay Beach. It's a very beautiful beach, but it seemed like every ship passenger from the four cruise ships in port today were crammed on a narrow segment of beach. Screaming kids. Fighting ...

My Parents Cater to My Gay Brother and Ignore Me

Dear Cousin Butchie, I know that my gay brother reads your column and talks about it with his friends. I'm hoping you will hear me out and offer some sensible advice or consolation. I have never had a problem when my brother came out of the closet ...

Paralyzed By Fear - Bowling

I hate sports. I've always hated sports. I hated gym class. I hated gym class because I hate sports. I hate sports because I never learned to play them well. But there’s more on that in another post. I was on a bowling league about thirteen ...

Should I Tell on My Closeted Gay Brother

Dear Cousin Butchie, My brother and I are ten years apart in age. I am the younger brother who has come out to my family. My older brother didn't react at all when I told him I was gay fifteen years ago. In fact, he joined initially in the ...

Yoga On a Helipad

Back at sea, somewhere off the coast of Cuba. I got up early for the second yoga class. This one was taught by a young Scottish man named James. He was delighted to inform us that we had the captain's permission to go out onto the helipad. The ...

Yoga on a Boat-Part 2

It was a day at sea, somewhere between Nassau, Bahamas, and St. Thomas USVI. I got up at 7:00 and headed down to the gym at 7:45 as I was instructed to do when I signed up for yoga. I signed up with Matja, one of the fitness instructors, when I ...

Yoga on a Boat Part 1

I'm on a really, really big ship named The Oasis of the Seas with over 6,000 passengers. We are somewhere between Nassau and St. Thomas. I decided to waste away the afternoon at sea in the gym instead of napping like my three other cabin mates were ...

Paralyzed By Fear-Yoga Under an Airplane

I did it. We are in Sint Maarten. Joe and I departed from our traveling companions who went to Orient Beach and got in a Taxi for Maho Beach which is the one at the end of the runway(see my earlier post Paralyzed By Fear-Yoga On an Airplane). The ...

Paralyzed By Fear-Yoga on an Airplane

Overcome By Fear - Yoga on an Airplane I have a love-hate relationship with flying. I loved watching planes take off and land long before I ever rode in one. The whole concept of flying has always fascinated me. My parents used to take me and my ...

Paralyzed By Fear–Part Six-Looking Like a Fool

I think it’s our greatest fear. I think we fear being taken as a fool greater than we fear death. We all know what it feels like to be the fool, to sound like an idiot, to be embarrassed, and to feel the skin start to heat up and the back of ...

Do I Deserve This?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving because I did not. I have been with my boyfriend for six months so he decided to ask his parents if I could join them for the holiday. They are uber-accepting parents, so it looked like the ...

National AIDS Remembrance Day

Dear Readers, Today we are celebrating WORLD A.I.D.S. DAY. In most respects, this has not attracted much attention in the media, and it's almost a good thing. A.I.D.S. was a "legacy" that our older LGBT were afraid that they were passing down to ...

Paralyzed By Fear – Part Five – Dressing Up

I hate dressing up. Those who get to know me know that the less I wear the better. It’s been that way as far back as I can remember. In this picture, I was five. The look on my face isn’t only from the sun in my eyes. Perhaps I hated ...

Paralyzed By Fear – Part Four - Sports

I hate sports. I’ve always hated sports. Well, okay, I can downgrade that to I never developed an appreciation of sports. I don’t remember any time in my life when I enjoyed tossing a ball around. I never learned how to catch a ball or ...

Paralyzed By Fear - Part Three - Performing

In a recent post I wrote about my early developing fears of performing at piano recitals when I was young. Soon after that post I performed in a concert with a friend. I decided to use the event to study my fear, and to attempt to overcome it, at ...

Is This Fair? Of course it's not!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am writing to you because I am 15+ years old and need the advice of someone like you who is gay and close to my age. My parents know that I am gay, but we've never had a big discussion about it. It's kind of like the ...

Wedding Announcements

Dear Cousin Butchie, I need your advice. I am 16 years old and in a very serious relationship. I know for sure that I will be together with my boyfriend forever. He and I were discussing a future wedding, and he told me that we shouldn't have a ...

Paralyzed by Fear – Part Two

Paralyzed by Fear – Part Two I can’t remember a time that I didn’t play the piano. My parents told me that when I was six, and sister would come home from piano lessons to play what she learned, I would follow after her and play ...

A Jewish Mother's Concern

Dear Cousin Butchie, Since this is our Jewish celebration of the new year, I decided to tell you something which I am sure many other Jewish gay guys have experienced. I assume that anyway. After coming out to my kind of secular Jewish parents, I ...

I Think I'm in Big Trouble Now

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am in deep trouble, and I want to ask you how to go about making things better. I have no one else I can trust with the details of this problem. I am a gay teenager. I knew I was gay for sure when I was 12, I acted on it ...

Paralyzed by Fear – Part One

par·a·lyze To affect with paralysis; cause to be paralytic. To make unable to move or act: paralyzed by fear. To impair the progress or functioning of; make inoperative or powerless: strict regulations that paralyze economic ...

Question About Porn

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have a question about pornography. Let me start at the beginning. A few friends of mine (and I) enjoy watching gay porn sometimes. Well, I don't know how it happened, but somebody left some of the dvds around and my mom ...

My Brother is Gay and That's OK

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am not GLBT but my brother is and I want to let him know that it's not a problem for me. I honestly sort of snooped into his computer so that he might read this. I hope it works. I do know he reads this NJGayLife.Com ...

Am I Too Old for Yoga?

No one is too anything for yoga. Practicing yoga wisely is good at any age. An exploration of deepening and linking breath with movement to just the right depth is great for people as they age. How do you know how deep to go? You take a movement as ...

My Heart is Broken

Hi, Cousin Butchie, I hope you can help me. I am a sophomore in high school, and last April I fell madly in love with another dude in my school. He was my first in every sense and we became inseparable. I was not uncomfortable beeing seen with him ...

My Visit to Buck Naked Yoga in Cleveland

I recently made a trip to visit family in Ohio. I knew there was a men’s yoga class that met on the near west side of Cleveland. I called the owner, Buck Harris, just to make sure of the time of the class and I decided to go. I didn’t ...

My Ayurveda Experience – Day 7 - The Final Day

I’m finished! Seven days of therapy. I’m sure that I will need to take some time to let my body properly respond to everything. I think today was the longest I was there, though. The oil therapy seemed to go on for a long time. Then ...

My Ayurveda Experience – Days 5 and 6

Friday I went at my normal time, did all the same therapies, and got home in 15 minutes, as usual. I was a bit worried when, on the way to the center, I passed the Parkway Southbound which was crowded and creeping along. Fridays in the summer are ...

My Ayurveda Experience – Day 4

Today seemed to go very fast. We still took 90 minutes, it just flew by. I told the therapist that I woke up at 4 AM with my throat burning. I have had a sore throat off and on over the last month, and that was not unusual. He told me that after the ...

My Ayurveda Experience – Day 3

I’m really enjoying this. I talked briefly with my therapist about my experience yesterday, then I asked him his name. He told me and tried to get me to pronounce it correctly. I think I did pretty well. There’s a vowel where you have to ...

My Ayurveda Experience – Day 2

Today was my second day of therapies. They were the same six therapies, just stronger. It was with the same therapist. I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t know his name. We have now spent three hours together with his hands pretty much ...

The last full week in July was an incredible week for transpeople in America

On Monday July 21, 2014 President Obama signed an executive order doing 2 things. First, it added “gender identity” an existing executive order protecting gay and lesbian federal workers from discrimination thus protecting transgender ...

My Gay Cousin's Advice

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have no real problem hooking up with another guy for a date. The problem is how the conversation goes when we're having dinner or coffee or whatever. I have noticed that most gay dudes will inevitably tell all or part of ...

My Ayurveda Experience – Day 1

Ayurveda is a system of Hindu traditional medicine. Its roots are said to be over 4000 years old. The practice of Ayurveda seeks to bring the body’s biological setup into balance, thus bringing health. It is the sister science of yoga. I ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 24

This week hasn't been too bad. I’ll say that about half the time I drive I start out breathing and can pretty much eliminate the distraction of other drivers annoying me, and the length of stoplights making me angry. I will consider this great ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 21

You win a few, you lose a few. It only took 21 days, but today I was driving to the library to teach yoga, and I started breathing before anything distracted me and annoyed me. I did that for the whole 20 minute drive there. I couldn’t believe ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 20

Saturday was a busy day. We took the dogs to the dog park. That was fun. Talk about distractions. Try finding your Corgi in a sea of 24 other Corgis. It was amazing that I could always recognize their barks even though it took me a while to pick ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 18

I had a day off and it was a stunningly beautiful day. Last year I vowed to get to the beach before September, which was the first time I got there last year. So I went. Several things helped me be less distracted by annoying things. I wasn’t ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 17

I seem to be developing a new habit, and that is good. The habit, however, is not the one I planned. I seem to get annoyed at pretty much anything, and then do the breathing exercise to undo the effects of getting annoyed. My plan was to do the ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 16

My plan was delayed. Well, ok, I forgot about the planning ahead to stop the distractions before they happen until I was already on the road. And the distractions were the plagues that they usually are. There must be some way of reminding myself. ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 15

Day 14 was a rather busy day. So I’m just going to combine it with Day 15. The TV is on. My husband is watching Judge Judy. Yes, it’s a distraction. I want to watch it, but I’m looking forward to finishing this post and going ...

The Times They Are A Changin'

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am in real predicament, and I might as well agree to let you settle it. Two dudes who have been my friends for years are taking the big step and getting married in August. I am honestly closer to Mike than I am to Jim, but ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 13

I took a couple of days off for my birthday. I didn’t turn on the TV. It was on in the diner we went to after bowling on Friday. I kept looking at it for no reason other than it was on. After a while I stopped and focused on enjoying my ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 10

Plans can be a distraction. Yesterday I planned to head off distractions. That will have to wait for another, less distracting, day. I think I’m becoming attached to my sore throat. It’s been eight days. It’s finally letting up, ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 9

So what were today’s distractions and how can I overcome them? My throat is still sore. It’s been sore a week now. That’s a big distraction. Mainly because it hurts. How to overcome it? Trust that it will get better I suppose. But ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 8

sa tu dīrghakāla nairantarya satkāra-ādara-āsevito dṛḍhabhūmiḥ Practice becomes firmly grounded when well attended to for a long time, without break and in all earnestness. I rode to work today with ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 7

Tatra Sthitau Yatnah Abhyasa Of these, effort toward steadiness of mind is practice. So this isn’t just an experiment. If I’m going to achieve this less distracted mind, I’m going to have to stick with it. Train my mind. I ...

Uncle RJ Remembers He Has a Column/Blog Here!

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Dearest Readers...About three years ago, when Bonnie was looking for a blogger, she was steered in my direction by my fabulous friend (H.L. from Westfield). The theme was generally supposed to be a blog on living on in the LGBT community once the ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 6

Abhyasa vairagyabhyam tan nirodhah These mental modifications are restrained by practice and non-attachment. I made it a whole day yesterday without going on any of my chat apps. That took some practice. Actually I failed three times. I opened one ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 5

pramāṇa viparyaya vikalpa nidrā smṛtayaḥ Insight, error, imaginings, deep sleep, and recollections. These are the five kinds of mental modifications mentioned in yesterday’s sutra. The mental modifications that ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 4

vṛttayaḥ pañcatayyaḥ kliṣṭākliṣṭāḥ There are five kinds of mental modifications which are either painful or painless. So these distractions can be painful. That’s pretty ...

Why do they all seem to disappear?

Greetings to all of my countless readers and fans! I have taken a seemingly long hiatus from writing on this blog because I was waiting for questions and comments from readers. Now that a number of you have written to me at www.KippyNJ.com instead ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 3

vṛtti sārūpyam-itaratra At other times the self assumes the forms of the mental modifications. I hear often that we are what we eat. I think more often it’s true that we become what we pay attention to. It would make sense ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 2

tadā draṣṭuḥ svarūpe-'vasthānam Then the Seer (the self) abides in his own nature. Yoga Sutra number three. It’s at the beginning, so it must be important. Yesterday’s was number two. I’m here in ...

A Month of Less Distraction – Day 1

yogaḥ citta vṛtti nirodhaḥ The ancient text, the Yoga Sutras, or threads about yoga, says that yoga is the restraint of the modifications of the mindstuff. For the sake of some simplicity, let’s say that yoga is lessening the ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Matawan - Maloney's Pub

I love eating out locally. Two friends and I were at a meeting near my house and we were looking for a place near home to eat. I remembered going to Maloney’s Pub & Grill in Matawan a while back and suggested it. One of the most ...

The Hairy Vegetarian - Gazpacho

Gazpacho Liquid summer. That’s what I call gazpacho. Either that or liquid lunch, but that’s something quite different. Gazpacho is a Spanish cold soup. It’s best when you make it in the summer because it is cool, and it’s ...

The Hairy Vegetarian - What Does a Vegetarian Eat? Babaganouj

I love eggplant. And it’s a good thing. Since I do, I have a lot more options for eating at a restaurant, a diner, and at other peoples’ houses. One of my favorite eggplant dishes is the Middle Eastern dip, babaganouj. 2 rather large ...

Why I Make Yoga Videos

Why Do I Make Yoga Videos? I started making yoga videos and putting them on YouTube to inspire guys to do yoga. I figured if they could see another guy who’s not young, who’s not thin, and who’s not very limber doing yoga and ...

The Hairy Vegetarian - What Does a Vegetarian Eat for Lunch? Guacamole

What Does a Vegetarian Eat for Lunch? Guacamole I love guacamole. And when you make it at home it’s so much better than the kind you can buy premade in the store. Plus, think of all the preservatives and other things they add when it has to ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in New Brunswick - Tumulty's

When you think of vegetarians and eating at restaurants you might not think of an Irish pub. I’ve been going to Tumulty’s in New Brunswick since I was a student at Rutgers in 1988. Of course it’s the perfect place for a pint of ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Edison - Urban Spice

I love going to Indian restaurants. I love flavor, spices, and hot food. Since I’ve become a vegetarian I like them even more. I can always count on lots of flavorful vegetarian options. One of my favorite restaurants in Central Jersey is ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Freehold - El Meson

Last night five friends and I went out to celebrate a couple of birthdays at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants in Central New Jersey, El Meson in Freehold. The place has been there for many years. I’ve enjoyed sitting outside next to the ...

Now He Says He is Giving Up Sex for Lent

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am Dan the Agnostic, and I wrote to you last month about my boyfriend's overly and sickeningly distressing religious beliefs and fervor. You gave a sensible and workable plan but (now, I will name him) Anthony Joseph ...

The Hairy Vegetarian in Jamesburg - Fiddleheads Restaurant

One of my favorite things to do is eat out with friends. It’s always interesting to explore the various restaurants in New Jersey. Equally interesting, sometimes exciting, and sometimes awkward, is discovering the vegetarian and vegan options ...

Alice/Madison is the real star........

Recently (ok last night!) Manchester Regional High School produced "Alice in Wonderland". Michael and I had been approached early if we would "help" (which translates to create ALL of them) since we had "helped" out last year when they put on "Snow ...

Wild and Crazy Yoga

There are a lot of things yoga people do with their bodies that are wild and crazy. They stand on their head, on their hands. They twist their bodies into pretzels. A lot of people think that in order to do yoga you have to do all those wild and ...

Autistic Kid or Basketball Superstar....You Decide

ADAM, MY HERO Two nights ago, Adam's Freshman Basketball Coach, John called me. He reminded me that Adam's possible last game he would be suiting up for was the following evening at the States Playoff's where Manchester would be taking on Glen Rock ...

His Parents Think They Are Holier Than God

Dear Cousin Butchie, My boyfriend and I are both sophomores in college. We've been in a relationship since the second week of our freshman year. I am very sure that my boyfriend is a keeper, but his family is driving me nuts. His mother is a very ...

My Uncle is a Perv

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am 19 years old and very happily gay. Stereotypes are unfair, I know, but people have never had any reason to suspect that I'm gay except for two dudes I experimented with years ago, and we are still best friends with ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 7 – Yoga and Blood

You can call me a wuss. I’m fully aware of it. I don’t like blood. I don’t like to see it, think about it, talk about it. I remember the first time I had to have blood taken in my adult life. I was 37. I worried about it for days. ...

Wedding Rings

Hi Cousin Butchie and Happy Solstice, This is not an urgent matter, but I hope you have an answer I can show to my friends and my older brother, Brian. Brian is in his 30's, so I am aware that I was an accident or just totally unplanned. However ...

Happy/Merry...Whatever!

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am a junior in high school, and I absolutely need to save some money for college. It's for this reason that I work in a small but very busy store. I usually enjoy the job, even if the wages are close to minimum wage. We have ...

What to Expect from a Yoga Class

I think half the fun of doing something new is the anticipation in not knowing quite what is going to happen. Perhaps not everyone shares in that kind of fun. If not knowing what to expect is keeping you from attending your first yoga class, here ...

Why Meditate?

If you ask ten people what meditation is, you’ll probably get ten different answers. And if you ask those ten people if they meditate, most will probably say that they fail at it. Most will say that they just can’t quiet the mind in ...

A Smile for the Season

Just a Christmas/Holiday Smile Three little boys were discussing what they did on Christmas Eve at their homes. Angelo said that they ate the traditional seven fish dinner and went to Midnight Mass. Then, Angelo put out milk and cookies for Santa, ...

The Hairy Vegetarian - What Does a Vegetarian Eat for Breakfast?

When people find out that I’m a vegetarian many immediately ask me what I eat. So many friends, strangers even, are very worried about my intake of protein. Others are worried about my vitamin quotas. A few have expressed concern that I will ...

Really Confused!

Hi Cousin Butchie, I have read your column on the NJGayLife site, but I didn't dream that I would be writing to you. So, here goes. I am the alpha kind of gay dude people never suspect is gay. I've had some best friends with benefits type of ...

Breath in the Face of Complaint

Do you hate complainers? Or even worse, whiners? There’s a yoga pose called Utkatasana, often translated as Awkward Pose, or Fierce Pose, or even Hazardous Pose. Good name. I used to hate it. It’s a complaining pose. It nags about ...

What's This Stuff?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I graduated from high school in May, and my first real experience dating other guys started then. I knew I was gay when I was 6, but it was hardly the age to ask another first grader for a date. I've discovered some really ...

Thinking of Opting Out? Take a Note from Same-Sex Parents

Summer of 2013, The New York Times released a piece by Judith Warner in its Sunday Magazine, entitled “The Opt-Out Generation Wants Back In,” returning to the women interviewed in Lisa Belkin’s 2003 Times article “The Opt-Out ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 7 - Yoga at the Computer

Sitting at the computer. For how many of us is this a thing of pain, or at least discomfort? For some of us it is the cause of a lot of back and neck pain, tendonitis in the wrists, or maybe even Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. What does yoga teach us ...

The Hairy Vegetarian - Why Am I Vegetarian?

I get asked that question all the time. Also, "So what do you eat?" I often answer it by asking, "Why do you eat animals?" I then usually listen patiently to a litany of reasons why humans should eat meat, which often includes that we are designed ...

IS A.I.D.S. STILL REALLY A PROBLEM?

Hey, Cousin Butchie! I am 17 years old and proud to be gay. I have three really great gay friends who are like brothers... or sisters(lol) We were getting sort of mellow and talking about a lot of things. My one friend said that he doesn't use ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 6 - Yoga in Line

I hate standing in line. I don’t know many people who like standing in line. But it appears that many people are much more patient than I am while standing in line. Often while standing in lines at the bank or at the grocery store I pull out ...

Sounds Off the Wall

Dear Cousin Butchie, I think I have a colossal problem. I am 19 years old, and I know I am gay, but I've never had a real boyfriend and I have no experience with intimacy. I did answer an ad from a man in his 60's who seems to understand me and ...

What Your Parents Often Don't Share With You

I am probably older than the twinks who write to you, but I do have something to share about coming out. It's totally my own experience, but I suspect the same type of thing has happened in many homes. I'd appreciate letting your young readers know ...

Yoga and the Belly

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 5 – The Belly It’s there. We know it. We try to hide it. Sometimes we just let it hang out. No matter how much weight we lose it’s still there hanging out beyond the belt buckle. And the sides. Yes. The ...

Coming Out Finally

Dear Cousin Butchie, Let me start at the beginning, okay? I met my lover and soul mate 15 years ago when we were both in kindergarten. Don't let anyone try to tell you that it can't happen. Rip (not his real name) sat next to me for arts and ...

Do I Have to Do It?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am very new at dating. I knew I was gay when I was 12 but I have just started to have enough confidence to date other guys. I am now 17. Things have been great most of the time. I have met several guys who started as sex ...

Just a Thought

Just a brief message from Cousin Butchie..... My computer is not working right on this site, but I do want to share a truly beautiful thought for the day. SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES REALLY GOOD FOR NOTHING. BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR ...

The End of DOMA

Can you explain the Supreme Court’s ruling in United States v. Windsor? United States v. Windsor was filed by Edith (“Edie”)Windsor. Edie was in a relationship of forty years with Thea Spyer. Thea and Edie were married in Toronto ...

The Continual High School: My Experiences with Bullying

Last night on the PATCO train, when exiting the ticket machine, a young guy I had never met before motioned his wrist limply and lisped at me. A group of girls stood around him drunkenly laughing, and my own friends were already far ahead of me ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 4 - Excuses

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 4 – Excuses We all do it. We make excuses. I try to rationalize doing it by convincing myself that it is part of being human. The more I study and practice yoga, the more I realize I need to stop. I need to just tell ...

He Says He Loves Me

Hi Cousin Butchie! How are you? I hope you can help me by giving your honest opinion of where my relationship is headed. I met this older guy (31) at Gay Pride in NY in 2011. It all started when we hooked up and he convinced me to come back to ...

Not Feeling So Gay

Dear Cousin Butchie, I know that this is NY Pride Weekend, and I have some really great gay friends who want me to go with them tomorrow. I am 22 years old, and when I was 9 years old I was sexually molested by my older brother and we kind of ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 3 - Driving

I’m a fairly patient person. I can get angry just like most people, but my threshold for bursting with emotion is pretty high. Usually. Except when I drive. Yes, it’s all of the other drivers’ fault, and the signs’ fault, ...

Does Size Matter...a Hard Question

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have a few questions I just can't discuss with my friends. I promise you I will be spot on describing what's bothering me so long as you remove any clues that might give away my identity. I am sixteen years old and have two ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 2 - Daily Practice

Daily? You mean I have to do this every day? When I first started practicing yoga, it was a good week if I went to the class at the gym once. That class was about 50 minutes. I also lifted weights, so it wasn’t like that hour or so class was ...

Yoga in Daily Life, Part 1 - Morning

I like to get up early, before anyone else, while the streets are still quiet and the streetlights are just about to go out. I creep down the steps so as not to wake the dogs (impossible) and not to wake my husband (wouldn’t happen anyway). I ...

I Feel So Guilty

Dear Cousin Butchie, I was going to write to you before, but I was so totally bummed out that I just couldn't get it together enough to write. I don't want to add to the problem by writing details people might recognize, so I am presenting things ...

Parenting A Child That Is Different

What does it mean to parent a child who is 'different?' Well, one thing we know through research is that these kids can be protected from the negative effects of a close-minded world through the efforts of the people who raise them. There have been ...

Beyond Gym Yoga

I started doing yoga at the gym. I’m not sure I would have ever gotten into yoga had it not been for the gym and my friend who convinced me to attend class there. It got me started. I can’t say I really began to understand yoga because ...

Just Asking

Dear Cousin Butchie, I'll make this fast and to the point. Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I have been waiting for years to come out to my mom. (I am 17). My dad desserted us both when I was eight years old. I don't want to hurt my mom, but I think ...

I'll Be Missing My Gay Friends

Dear Cousin Butchie, School is just about over in a month, and I will be graduating from high school and going to a college hundreds of miles away. I have made a lot of friends during my four years in high school, and I will misss most of them. The ...

Is The Queer Community "Recruiting" Kids?

The Gallup organization recently released some interesting survey findings. They questioned 120,000 people, asking: ‘Do you, personally, identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender?’ Never before have this many Americans ...

Thanks from Usually Dateless

Cousin Butchie (I don't say "Dear" because you are not dear to me any longer.) Well, my date was last night. You remember that I wrote to ask you how to get a conversation going. with a hot dude I had never met before. You gave me a lot of ...

Archbishop John Myers

Dear Readers, Cousin Butchie has had more than a few requests for his opinion on the conduct of Archbishop John Myers of Newark, NJ and the metropolitan (head honcho) for all of NJ. I will cut to the chase and say that his conduct in transferring ...

First Date Topics

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have another blind date on Wednesday. It was arranged for me by a girl in my physics class. She told me that he's really good looking and that she thinks we would make an ideal match. I've had so many other blind dates ...

Another Mother's Day Consideration

My Dear Readers, In my last blog a few days ago I answered a young man whose mother had recently passed away. It centered on his bereavement and how to honor his mom's memory on special "specific anniversary" dates. Cousin Butchie thought he ...

Bereavement

Dear Cousin Butchie, As I understand it, many gay dudes are close to their mothers. It was true in my case because she gave me unconditional love and acceptance. To almost the same degree, my dad did also. Mom died last year, and the anniversary is ...

What is GSD: Going Beyond Our Current Queer Acronym

In the beginning of 2013, the Pink Therapy group in the UK made headlines by saying ‘GSD’ – Gender and Sexual Diversities – should be the new umbrella term for a community that seems to add letters even while they're ...

Despair Leads Us Nowhere

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am a sophomore in high school and I am gay. My parents know, and they just seem to deal with it, but we never have a meaningful discussion about the subject. After the Boston Massacre of yesterday, I was in the downstairs ...

Enjoy a Professional Show in CNJ for $15

GREETINGS! I am departing from my usual blog to bring your attention to a spectacular entertainer who will be doing a fundraiser in Bridgewater on May 5th at 6 PM. The performer is Vincent Talarico and if you take a few minutes to look him up on ...

Lessons Learned From Queer Couples

At this point, John Gottman’s research from a few years ago comparing gay and straight couples is pretty well known. Gottman, a well- respected psychologist and researcher, conducted a study of gay relationships, basically showing that (most) ...

To Thine Own Self Be True

Dear Cousin Butchie, I don't think you usually get letters like this, but here goes. I am 22 years old and suffering from a form of leukemia which is very hard to treat. After the second round of chemo, the doctors told me that I have less than ...

The Growth Of Trans Visibility

Lots of folks are puzzled and surprised by what appears to be a sudden explosion of people who identify as transgender, genderqueer, gender fluid, or something else that is not traditionally ‘male’ or ‘female.’ Even for LGB ...

Another Holiday

Hey, Cousin Butchie! Happy Easter or Passover or whatever. Although my family celebrates Easter, I backed out of their invitations to dinner and the interminable discussions which always occur...fueled by alcohol. I went out real early and bought ...

Finding Mr. Right

Hey Cousin Butchie, I am new to the gay dating game. I do know that it's dangerous for me to get involved with other gay dudes at school, but the search is so damn difficult. Like I went online and replied to ads from dudes who seemed compatible. ...

What You Need To Know About Transgender And Gender Non-Conforming Youth

At the Institute for Personal Growth, a counseling and psychotherapy firm where I am a practicing therapist and Executive Director, we offer supportive counseling groups for gender variant and transgender youth, as well as their families. There is ...

The Right to Stay Gay

Greetings Readers! In a few days, I will respond to some questions you have passed along to me, but I want to depart a little and just give you a candid and important "take" on a practice which is psychologically and emotionally damaging GLBT young ...

The Infamous ‘Gay Agenda’: Recruiting the Young

Years ago, when teachers were fired if they were suspected of being gay, the argument was that LGBTQ teachers would "recruit" young people to their way of life. I thought of that when I read a special report put out by the Gallup organization on a ...

Why?

Dear Cousin Butchie, I have a problem with my son, and he actually told me to get another opinion--YOURS! My 16 year old son is gay. He made that decision when he was 13, and my husband and I are now fully accepting of his lifestyle. I mean, we ...

Death brings out the best and worst of some people.

I am starting to believe that as a community, a family, a country…whatever, we have failed to address one of the most basic facts of our existence and that is that at some point we will die and those around us will die too. People need to ...

Is My Ego Trying to Kill Me?

Is my ego trying to kill me? Sometimes I think I’m my own worst enemy. A long time ago I was digging out a stump in my back yard. My back started to hurt. I kept digging. I’m a man after all. We do things like dig up stumps no matter what warning ...

For my mother, Ann Mary, may you finally rest in peace

 It started out as many New Year's Eve's do, with celebration.

"Theology"

 I have waited to read something on your blog which will even start to explain both Hurricane Sandy and the massacre...

Politics and Personalities take over Marriage Equality in New Jersey...WHY?

 I’ve been fighting for gay couples like me for a long time…..how long?

WORDS IN PASSING

As a transgender woman, I frequently heard from those around me, during and after my transition, that I was or wasn’t “Passing”.

Post-Op Thoughts

It has been a year and three months since my sexual reassignment surgery...

What is My Son Doing to Our Family?

I am not sure who I'm writing to, and I'm less sure why I am bothering to tell you about the problem with my son.

Overcoming Stress from Hurricane Sandy: How to Survive a Superstorm-After It's Gone!

You survived Hurricane Sandy, the Superstorm, the ‘Frankenstorm.’  So you should be feeling fine, right?

Embarrassed

I am 18 years old and I have a really hot boyfriend.  I shouldn't neglect to say that I am pretty hot myself. The problem is...

How We Stopped Being Crazy and What It Did For Gay Rights

Many LGBT people don’t fully understand the critical role that the political action against the mental health community played a in advancing lesbian and gay rights.

Why Naked Yoga?

I’ve heard it many times: I understand doing yoga, but why naked yoga?

What did I miss at the last Networking With Style?

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Networking With Style: A series of networking parties for the LGBT community in central New Jersey, held at Fiddleheads Restaurant in Jamesburg

Navigating the Path

Life is a path. Sometimes we are running down the path. We trip on bumps. Sometimes we crawl on our hands and knees.

What is Networking?

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Networking - to an IT person, this means connecting communication devices for the mutual benefit of many. The same can be said for social networking, business networking and romantic networking. It all comes down to communication.

Sad/ Almost an Orphan Revisited

You answered my message last spring and I didn't really follow what you suggested, but I want to share a success with you..

Finding Your Dream Home

You may stumble upon it at an open house, while surfing the Internet or through your friendly neighborhood real estate agent. In addition to these popular ways of landing a home, there are some less-obvious methods, such as buying foreclosed properties or attending auctions.

A Transparent Moment About the CHICKEN Issue

Many of the comments that I read on yesterday regarding that CHICKEN matter have saddened me. TRANSPARENT MOMENT: There has been a great worldwide web conversation/debate over the past few weeks about the corporate leader of a certain CHICKEN ...

Mortgage Types

Can’t get a standard mortgage, one that conforms to Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac guidelines? Not to worry. You can consider alternative types of home financing. Some of these carry higher interest rates, because the person or institution loaning you ...

How to Find a Great Real Estate Agent

Types of Agents There are different types of real estate professionals. It is important to understand the different levels of expertise. Bear in mind that licensing and certification tends to vary from state to state: Real Estate Agent- A real ...

Adding Value to Your Home

Adding Value to Your Home! Low Budget Changes There’s a fine line between adding value to your home, and dumping cash into a bottomless pit. If you don’t want to spend the money on a contractor or interior decorator, here are some low cost, ...

Tips to Finding a Gay Friendly Neighborhood

Tips to Finding a Gay Friendly Neighborhood When you and your partner are searching for your new home, you may also want to consider the type of neighborhood that you will move into. Although it’s 2012, there are still narrow-minded people out ...

Potential Roadblocks

Potential Roadblocks I thought I would share some of the roadblocks that could stand in your way while trying to buy a home. In some localities there are laws in place that prevent same sex couples from being granted the same rights that straight ...

Quick Blog!-Types of Partnerships as Recognized by Various States

Quick Blog!-Types of Partnerships as Recognized by Various States Laws pertaining to same-sex partnership vary from state to state. Some states allow gay couples to get legally married while others offer alternative options. Also, some states ...

Important Documents for Home Buying

Important Documents The paperwork will be extensive and tedious, but it is important to be aware of the documents that need to be filed when you are purchasing a new home. It is not just about the house, but also about leaving your assets to the ...

Same Sex Home Buying- Part 1

Here is my first blog! Hope you find it informative. Buying a home is a major responsibility for any couple, but same-sex couples must be especially meticulous to make sure their investment and their interests are protected. This is due in part to ...

Dating Blues

Hey, Cousin Butchie, I have been home from college for about two months, and dating has turned out to be a real bitch. I'm going into my third year at school, but this is the first summer vacation that I have been out. I have had one night flings ...

Just a test!

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I haven't posted in quite awhile, but my nephew, Cousin Butchie seems to have made up for it. I've always liked the kid, but he does come across as having all the answers! I talked to Butchie the other night and we decided to see if anyone will ...

The Future of DOMA

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What do recent court decisions that have found the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) unconstitutional mean for me as a New Jersey resident in a civil union? In recent months, federal courts in California, New York and Boston have all found the ...

My First Yoga Class

I was never very athletic growing up. I hated gym class. I detested playing softball or basketball, and avoided playing them if I possibly could. In grad school when I was about 29, I thought I should do something with my body, so I took advantage ...

My Heart is Broken

Dear Cousin Butchie, My heart is broken and I need advice from you. My friends don't seem to care at all. I fell in love with the dude I loved in my junior year of high school. We made a commitment to each other, and he now tells me that he ...

Pretending Not to Notice

Pretending Not to Notice Dear Cousin Butchie, This is not an earth-shattering question, but some of my friends have become obsessed with the proper etiquette for gay men to use, and I'm asking you this one because I don't think it's been written ...

What Do I Wear for Yoga?

People often ask me what they should wear to a yoga class. Perhaps they don’t want to stand out by wearing something too unusual and different than the other yogis. Perhaps they don’t want to be the least nor the most dressed in the class. I always ...

My Sister Says.....

Dear Cousin Butchie, Last weekend, I attended my first Gay Pride Festival in Asbury Park. I was with my good friend Christopher. Actually, he is more than just a good friend. We have sex about twice a week, and he is HOT, So last weekend we ...

Mother-in-Law Problems

Dear Cousin Butchie, Roscoe and I have been in a hot and heavy long term monogamous (I think) relationship for the past two months. It is definitely serious. The only problem is Roscoe's mother who doesn't treat me well. When we go to dinner ...

Which is the GREATER Enemy? HIV or Systematic Poverty?

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Is HIV or Systemic Poverty the GREATER enemy of the Black American Community?

I Need to Turn Some Water to Wine

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My new best friends:  The View, The Chew, HGTV and Scandal!

Hello There NJ Gay Life!

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Welcome to Real Open Talk for Life with Jeffrey! I'm so excited to be a part of the blogscape at NJgaylife.com! As my blog title states...we are going to have some real and open conversations but you have to promise to be as nice as you can and ...

Justice from New Brunswick, NJ???

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JUSTICE FROM NEW BRUNSWICK??? I waited to write anything about the trial and the sentencing of Dharun Ravi because I thought others would have more learned input. Certainly, Steven Goldstein of Garden State Equality did an excellent job of ...

The Health Insurance Conundrum

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I am planning to add my civil union partner to my employer-provided health insurance plan because my plan provides better coverage than that available through his employer. Is there anything that I should be aware of? Under the Civil Union Act, ...

Persistence is Slow Success

Early in my yoga journey I wasn’t finding much success. I was taking classes at a local gym in a dance studio filled with limber women. One day we did a pose called “Crow” and my success at it was worse than any other pose. In the pose you balance ...

Mother's Day Again!

Hey, Cousin Butchie! Well, it's Mother's Day again, and ,ya know, I have the same feelings about it. Ya know, the woman is my mother, and I, ya know, have a genuine suspicion that I am here, ya know, because my father ran out of condoms. She has ...

Heaven for Gays and Lesbians

Dear Readers, I have a few questions which came in on my KippyNJ@aol.com screen name, but I need to put them aside and reply to a letter which appeared in the "Dear Abby" column yesterday. It's a very common question, but Abby slightly missed ...

Now the Vatican is Gunning for the Sisters!

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More than likely you have read or have heard about the Vatican's attempt to pay particular attention to the religious sisters in the church. I should preface this for you with the facts about our modern day sisters. In the past, they were more ...

All They Want is Sex!

Hi, Cousin Butchie! I never thought I would be writing to an advice columnist, but I am gay and my problems are very predominant in the gay male community. They might also be exactly the same only entirely different for lesbians! Just so that ...

Sad

Dear Cousin Butchie, I am very sad most of the time, and I feel guilty about my inability to snap back since my mother passed away six months ago. I am 16 years old, and I fear how my friends might react if I told them the truth. Speaking a lot ...

Boyfriend Problem

Dear Cousin Butchie, My boyfriend is absolutely fabulous except for one thing. He is a fanatical Roman Catholic. It doesn't stop him from being a tiger in bed, but he does seem to feel guilt of some kind after the deed is done. I can't stand it. ...

Our Own Advice Column

Dear Cousin Butchie, You will probably think I am a very nasty little girl because I was snooping around in my brother's room and I found evidence that he is a big time "faggot." He actually has love letters from other guys (puke, puke). I have ...

Why Do Yoga? Focus

Why do yoga? Most people think you have to be a limber gymnast to even attempt it. Nothing could be further from the truth. Aside from any physical benefits from doing yoga, such as a more limber, healthy body and lower blood pressure, we do yoga to ...

Easter, Passover, the Titanic and the LGBT Community

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Easter, Passover, the Titanic and the LGBT Community The convergence of two of the most profound holydays for Christians and Jews occurred this past week. In the coming week, we recall the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic on her ...

New Jersey Birth Certificates May Create a False Sense of Security for Same-Sex Parents

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My civil union partner and I had a child using sperm from an anonymous donor. My partner gave birth to our son and, at the hospital, we were able to put both of our names on the birth certificate. Is it necessary for me to also adopt my son? In ...

Yoga Standing Breathing Exercise

Yoga for Men will meet tomorrow, Tuesday March 27th, at 7:30 PM at the Pride Center, 85 Raritan Ave., Highland Park, NJ. No experience necessary. Bring a mat. Wear gym clothes. Come breathe, relax, explore the possibilities of a more flexible and ...

The Bad Penny Returns

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Greetings to all of my thousands of readers who have missed my blogs lately. Your cards and messages and floral deliveries sent to the funeral home have been forwarded to me. Worry not! It was all some sort of mix-up so I can save my new suit for ...

Yoga Basics

Check out my latest two videos on yoga basics: on bending to the side while sitting. It's a great movement to do at anytime, especially while taking a break from work at your desk. And on how to sit comfortably for a yoga class, or for ...

Yoga at the Pride Center

I lead a men's yoga group at the Pride Center in Highland Park every second and fourth Tuesday from 7:30 - 9:00 PM. No yoga experience or flexibility is necessary. I started a group for men so that men, especially beginners to yoga, would have a ...

What is in a Name? Civil Unions vs. Domestic Partnerships

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If my partner and I have a registered New Jersey domestic partnership, are there any benefits to entering into a civil union or an out-of-state marriage? Yes, if you wish to have the same rights as married couples under New Jersey law. The rights ...

Please Don't Veto this Family!

Today I will begin a photo campaign to the Governor and all those in the legislature that voted against my family. I do respect other people's opinions and I hope my opinion is respected as well. I DO NOT however respect anyone voting to enshire ...

A prayer for Equality

Last night I prayed to the Gods, yes Gods, yours, mine all of them. I prayed that in the stillness of slumber love would open the hearts and minds of all those that stand against it today. It was that simple. Hoping the universe delivered the ...

OMG! The Issue is Birth Control!

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OMG! The Issue Is Birth Control. As I have written before, I am a practicing Roman Catholic. Probably, it is more accurate to say that I am a practicing Roman Catholic gay man. Since this church (fifty years since Blessed John XXIII convened ...

"Outed" at 65

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"Outing" at 65! I had really started to feel content and "in control" of my life when I came out to my family and close friends in 1979. (Now please spare me the remarks about you not having been born yet, etc.) My latest ambush on the sexual ...

Do we have to rip New Jersey apart to achieve full equality? By Jon Holden Galluccio, author of “An American Family” and a Vice Chair of Garden State Equality

Do we have to rip New Jersey apart to achieve full equality? By Jon Holden Galluccio, author of “An American Family” and a Vice Chair of Garden State Equality Back in 2007, through a wonderful job opportunity for Michael and the magic of Disney, we ...

A New Perspective from Two Twinks

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A New Perspective from Two Twinks: I want to share one of those "aha" moments I received from two Twinks who were merely seated next to me in the food court of one of our major Central Jersey shopping malls. I spotted these guys who were frankly ...

The Inevitability of Ordinary by Jon Holden Galluccio, author of “An American Family” and a Vice Chair of Garden State Equality

As a child, when I realized I was gay I was terrified. I never heard anything positive in my world being said about gay people just horrible things, horribly ugly things. A lot I heard at Our Lady Queen of Peace Church in Maywood as I sat on the ...

MY GREATEST GIFT by Jon Holden Galluccio, author of “An American Family”

MY GREATEST GIFT by Jon Holden Galluccio, author of “An American Family” For many of us, probably most of us, the last few weeks of the year bring us so much. So much stress, so much joy, so much sadness….an avalanche of feelings come raining ...

Taking Care of Our Own LGBTI Youth

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The holiday season is in full swing, and I'm sure you have all received many appeals from charities of every type. Recently, there was a surprise (to me) revelation about the specific homophobia of the Salvation Army. I have seen firsthand their ...

The Unimportance of Mothers by Jon Holden Galluccio, author of “An American Family”

The Unimportance of Mothers by Jon Holden Galluccio, author of “An American Family” My daughter Madison just turned 15. My baby is now 15, a young lady and a quite accomplished young lady at that! The truth is that most of the time over the past ...

AIDS IS FAR FROM OVER!

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It is two days since WORLD AIDS DAY on December 1st and I believe the media has done very little to emphasize that HIV/AIDS is still a major epidemic among gay men in this country. It has been important to point out the tragic circumstances of ...

Something to Ponder

Posted by RJ Comments (2)
I certainly hope you all had a great Thanksgiving, survived the relatives, ate until you were uber full, made it to Wal-Mart with pepper spray in hand. Almost forgot, did you say grace before dinner-- all pretending that they do this at every meal ...

The Galluccio Family Hits the Road!

Ever since Michael and I won our landmark court case, that made New Jersey the first state in the nation to put gay and unmarried couples on equal footing to married heterosexual couples in the area of adoption, we have been quite the public ...

Not the right time to come out!+-

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As the various holidays descend upon us, it occurs to some gay and lesbian people that it would be the ideal time to come out. I am not an expert on this subject, but I can tell you what a thirty year affiliation with PFLAG (and now the voice of ...

Death Always Stares Us Down

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The subject of death is not something our society likes to hear about, read about or talk about. Yet, death enters our lives as the great thief in the night, and we are left to deal with feelings we may not have realized could run so deep. I ...

Bullying/Suicides...... Don't Shut Up!

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For some reason I have hesitated to blog about the continued bullying in our schools and the suicides of so many of our children. I suspect that I was a little ahead of The Advocate's current article suggesting that so much media attention to the ...

Shining Star, Shining Moment

“We’re all just people and we need to learn to respect each other” – Madison Elena Galluccio Michael and I began this crazy parenting journey back in 1994. Childless, with just the spark of a possibility, we took our first step towards making a ...

The Galluccio Family at Hudson Pride

Keynote Speech at the Hudson Pride Festival in Jersey City, Sunday, October 9th. The whole Galluccio Family--Adam and Madison both spoke and Rosa, Jose, Maryanna, Leila and Joselyn all joined us on stage.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

Today, October 11th, is National Coming Out Day. It got me thinking about the many steps to my coming out and how it is today. I was in a non-gay marriage for 15 years and had a 5 year old when it finally became clear to me that I was living a lie. ...

Yes, Jesus May Well Have Been Gay!

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It has always been apparent to me that Michael Moore takes on the giant corporations and the government leaders to make some very valid observations. His latest controvery came when Moore said that Jesus may very well have been gay. I don't know ...

Sieze the Rays of Hope

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Roman Catholics are numerically the largest religion in the United States. Whether they are going to Mass every week is another issue. As a Gay Roman Catholic, my life has been a balancing act. I have tried other faith traditions and found them ...

Some Older People Have It In Perspective

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I don't have any even remotely interesting sharings for this blog until next week, but I do want to share a profoundly moving moment I experienced here at God's Waiting Room. I suggest you get your tissues. Muriel and Fred had been married for 62 ...

Young Gay Youth at Seemingly Different Ends of the Spectrum

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This past week in God's Waiting Room has been interesting, frustrating and challenging-- and all of these feelings and reactions have been caused by two gay boys, both under 21 years of age. In both instances, I had been asked by their ...

Tyler Clementi Lives On

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This week on September 22nd we recall the passing of Tyler Clementi, the victim of bullying in its worst form. He was denied his privacy and pushed over the edge of reason by other Rutgers students who chose to take away his dignity and freedom to ...

We Were Changed Forever

As I watch the reading of the names on this 10th anniversary of the horror that was 9/11/01, I am as raw as was that day. The people we remember today were at work or traveling somewhere. It was just a day until it wasn't. Through my tears and ...

9/11 and the Gay Heroes

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9/11's Gay Heroes I wasn't too sure I was going to write anything about the tenth anniversary of 9/11. The media already seems surfeited with coverage, local municipalities and churches and temples are presenting special services. When I heard a ...

Good Signs in the Gay Community

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After the week we have all survived, and the totally unpredictable damage from community to community, I didn't want to tell any of the funnier stories about living this out in God's Waiting Room. We'll save that for another day. Two things struck ...

Are you awake? It's me.....Hero!

Years, years and even more years ago, I would take people's inventory for all the wrong reasons. It was to point out flaws, to feel superior and the reality was I was taking their inventory in order to avoid my own. Now however, after a lot of ...

Keep It to Yourself

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Do you remember your first crush? In all probability that is a person you became totally obsessed with. We all had first experiences which, at the time, we were sure were going to last forever. It doesn't matter when it took place, but it formed ...

Sunshine is Back!

Arriving at Camp Merry Heart, we are greeted by group of counselors including Amy. Amy, Adam's young blonde Australian counselor, told us to wait and she would go get Adam. Having a arrived at 1pm on the dot for pick up, not all the campers were ...

Answer Their Questions!

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ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS! We all know that most heterosexual people can be dense at times. They might appear to be very accepting of us, but their questions often grate on my nerves. Sometimes it is best to ignore the question or comment, but at ...

Adam Wants to be a Rapper!

Adam wants to be a rapper! Adam says “ I can say nigger and bitch when I rap right?” “OMG, NO and you know I hate that word!” I reply. “What word?” “Nigger” “Dad” Adam says exasperated “I didn’t say nigger, I said NIGGA and that’s cool ...

The Reality of Design Star

Being fortunate enough to have been chosen as a finalist on this sixth season of the premiere interior design competition series, HGTV Design Star, is a super huge deal for me as a professional designer, a husband, a dad and not to forget, a gay man ...

WTFNJ?

WTFNJ? Where’s the Freedom? On a beautiful summer Sunday, we had the opportunity to attend a rally in Hoboken sponsored by Garden State Equality and Lambda Legal to raise our voices in protest. For as our brothers and sisters were getting legally ...

Don't Be So Sure!

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Don't be so sure when you start to assume who will be in favor of gay rights and who will be against them. An interesting discussion started here in God's Waiting Room about GLBT rights. The social worker who led the group introduced the subject ...

My cat is dying, now let's be grateful!

Over the past few days we have been dealing with a crisis here in the Galluccio home. Our cat, Mercury, a large gray and white "street cat" which we adopted as a stray from Eastside Park, Paterson, 10 years ago, is dying. So the drama here in this ...

Kate's Journey

This being my inaugural blog for “Transpective” it is difficult to know where to start. How about with some basic terms? The terms GRS, SRS or GCS can be a puzzle and an alphabet soup! “Gender Reassignment Surgery”, “Sexual Reassignment Surgery” and ...

Adjusting

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Well, RJ is still taking psychotropic meds to get adjusted to living in God's Waiting Room, but the problems have become more than I expected. The other morning, I entered the elevator to greet a pleasant lady holding a Dunkin' Donuts bag. I ...

EAR PWR ~ "National Parks" ~ [video NSFW]

Synths still sound synthetic to me. After all these years, decades, hell, generations, I still have a tough time not dismissing, never mind preferring songs based largely in the naked, largely overtone-less bleats for which synths are known. ...

The Axis of Awesome ~ "4 Chords" : Bringing The Funny

They call themselves The Axis of Awesome: That's a big glaring clue right there, right? The easy comparisons are to Jack Black and Kyle Gass as Tenacious D (the Hard Rock tributaries/parodists), for lovingly skewering every strand of Pop they ...

Let's call what has gone before the "Soft Opening"

Hi, and thanks for your patience! Why the long stretch between posts? The short answer is I really need to find a paying job. The slightly longer list includes a long-planned visit with Portland OR friends (I didn't pay for... Yet.), and several ...

George Thorogood & The Destroyers ~ 2120 South Michigan Avenue

It has been over 30 years since Thorogood's second album forced its way anachronistically onto late 1970s radios. His latest isn't the blast of take-no-prisoners ground-staking "Move It On Over" (and its predecessor) was. This one hangs around ...

Where's NJ's wedding videos?????

With the HUGE legislative victory in New York and a NEW law suit filed in New Jersey, same-sex marriage talk is at a feverish pitch right now. So, not to be left out, I too wish to comment. For your information, I would like to quickly outline ...

Pride: Hell yeah I'm proud!

Is there anyone gay out there that doesn't know that June is Gay Pride month? Ok, so I'm sure there are (considering those newbies and all) but for me and in my house it is huge each and every year. Although our participation has varied from year ...

Gay singers *represent!* on The Voice

In the event that this post catches readers before the 10am Wednesday 6/22 deadline (I know, not much time at all.... ) Voting has begun on the semi-final round of NBC's singing competition series The Voice. The most noteworthy part of the show ...

Martin Swinger In Concert in New Jersey in August!
And More About Martin!

JUST ANNOUNCED! Martin Swinger In Concert in New Jersey in August! Especially excited to announce the August 15th performance at GAAMC! Friday, August 12, 7 PM Front Porch House Concert Martin Swinger solo show! Admission $15 308 Meadowbrook Rd. ...

The Reality Dating Service

Posted by RJ Comments (0)
Despite what some very sweet PFLAG mothers (and others) would like you to believe, not every gay man arrives in his golden years, living in God's Waiting Room happily- partnered for forty-three years, with three adopted children from third world ...

Observations

Posted by RJ Comments (0)
In response to Bill Realman Stella, I am taking the easy way out this time. I'll limit myself to one belief which is sure to cause controversy and one which should not. Other parts of the fielded questions will be tackled later in the week. ...

Martin Swinger ~ M O O N
Swinger's songs are among the strongest released in 2011

Martin Swinger ~ M O O N It's Gay Pride Month here in New Jersey. Across the country and around much of the world, Pride is celebrated with partying, parades and festivals. But what else is available to us Queers — us Proud Gay Men & ...

Ask me a question!

Posted by RJ Comments (1)
Now that everyone is recovering from the excitement of NJ Pride, I invite you to submit a question you might not be comfortable about asking your closest friend. RJ is up to the challenge and would really be happy to field your question. You can ...

What Do We Have to be Proud of?

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Back in 1981 when gay pride and the women's rights movements were still in their infancy, a disturbing statement was made about us: "Women's liberation and gay liberation are part of the same thing: a weakening of the moral standards of this nation. ...

A Brand New Day

Posted by Bonnie Comments (1)
I am the creator of NJGayLife.com and I'm proud to announce the new website. The latest version of this site is more informative, more attractive and will, as always, have the best information about what is going on in the Garden State. Hope you ...

GOD'S WAITING ROOM

Posted by RJ Comments (4)
Greetings, dear readers! I've been given the opportunity to write this blog from God's waiting room, adjacent to God's front door. After a certain age, the gay community at large puts everyone in this holding room. The people are too old to ...

Hey buddy... can you spare a BMW ?

I read an interesting study lately that polled women over fifty about their biggest fears...and they were not what you might think. It wasn't so much about aging, or getting older. And, it wasn't about being able to find the perfect love of their ...